Girlfriends

There seems to be a hundred different questions

All denote a painful realisation

Without proper guidance in each situation

Souls cannot combine in the midst of deception

So I need truth spin me a conversation

Cannot move ahead without comprehension

The lies gotta stop they need limitations

C'mon baby,talk, don't wait for an invitation.

Your epithets and poetry

The pictures in broken frames

All the pain and misery

Move away,

Don't haunt me again

For who did love and never lost?

I loved you,

But you lied.....

go on....she said

Wo ker yi pang ni ma?

I replied curtly.

Piong ching.
Polite, too polite.

But I need no persuasion, I love my rhyming couplets and yes Vin was right, I am toooo modest.* Anyhow, I am upset at two people who I once thought were VIP's in my life and now ever since they both have let me down, I have learnt to never expect anything from anyone. Never expect, if you want something to happen don't wait, DO IT! Or as Adnan says, "It's not hard to make things happen, but its hard to stop things from happening" actually I added the last part, prolly a quote I read somewhere over the rainbow, Oops, meant the internet. Anyways I wrote it a couple of days after my birthday in which they both promptly forgot, yup, FORGOT, well who cares right? Not me. Hehehhehe! I know what you're thinking you made a song for those two girls, yup not guys, girls, well its just that girlfriends are forever and boyfriends, well they never last. One ever and another never, I am just hurt, It'll pass....but for now I am allowed to vent and get frustrated, but well, I found something about myself recently, I can take care of myself. =)

Here's a song I love or have fallen in love with, (like you care!) but for everyone seeking for no one and love being single, well even if you are mending a broken hati, well.......

Marie Digby- Girlfriend.

Download. Asap!

I can't belong to anybody else right now

Though it is not much of an excuse

I can't belongto anybody else

When I've got so much figuring out to do

I don't want to be a girlfriend

I don't want to talk about my feelings yeah

I don't wanna be some girlfriend
I don't wanna have to explain what I'm thinking.........

*Me Hearts*

NUS Road

Realising new things and actually forcing yourself to see the light at the end of a tunnel, well, they change a person, turning one into something quite unexplainable, so much so, that even the best people would not figure out who they are anymore.



There was this one time (at band camp) where life turned upside down and I no longer felt that I knew myself anymore, to me I was a mess, a truly indescribable mess of a woman who could not feel the walls of the tunnel or see the light, blindly I stroll along.



Prince Breakfast is never going to marry me, but I know that I want to get a move on and get over him.....he's this narcissistic, self absorbed piece of soft matter who prefers dongs to boobs, so yeah....laugh now, I have liked a gay dude for 10 years.



And NO I am not talking about the gentle voice Orlando Bloom, I'm talking Prince Breakfast. So my New Year's aim (other than losing weight) is to meet him and see the reaction, because well, I need to realise something or else, what is the point of a rollercoaster ride if all you do is ride on a flat horizontal line without hills to climb and valleys to fall into?



Realisation finally hit me and by george I will meet Shaikh M if I have to crawl to NUS. Which I sincerely hope I never have to.

Aihs Le' Beef

I'm gonna look at this again
The comedian with the beautiful soul
A lark with ones emotional upbringing...
Sometimes I walk around with a clown's costume
Circles, squares, never in a straight line.
The end of the journey, happiness not despair.
For who had looked and then loved?
I have loved, looked, stared and gave my heart.
Eyes of jealousy and hair of the ship's bows.
For who could laugh it off, mocking a fellow
The sharp intakes of breath, the hurried pacemaker
Meaningful glances with an alcoholic smile
The child's laughter intermingling with quiet.
Loving, hating, wanting and finally needing...
through the stillness I lay waiting,
My comedic acts have reached its limits and boundaries.
Fresh perspectives and new love.
The comedian with the beautiful soul.
Come to my side, please make me whole.
I'm gonna look at this again, maybe three times more.

Byul Nitam

The wind is shaking the windows, and over my small room,
The stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
The stars reassure the tired me.
They wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me
Don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
Telling me to go to sleep

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming.
Though it is unusual that my one star is bright
It is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
Stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Losing Colours

I'm patching up all the holes in the wash basin, cause it can't stop
leaking .....drip....drip.....drip......the sound of the water is really annoying me.
Disfunctionality runs in my familial genes, is that the scizophrenic cousin who dances out of tune with the world?

The only thing I hear is the beating of the heart, the steadily pumping, never ending thumps. Thump, thump, thump.....inhale, Oxygen. My heart is awakening as the walls come tumbling down, crashing around me, all that's left is a rubble, dust, destruction.

Being swept away by the breeze, flying across the open ocean with the pigeons.....their wings flapping away....flap, flap, flap....whistling sounds ringing through my ears.....what would I pay for silence.....

Quiet contemplation, oh how I love to use those words......why do people who know that they are good looking turn to be narcissistic fools? Why does Nitam never understand that sometimes life is not all black and white? Grey Matter.....its always grey......life is always grey. Ramadhan is approaching and I need to quit the blood stains, why don't you want me to sambut the fasting month? If I get to fast tommorrow well, I would pray tarawih and tahajjud every night......and to top it all off, i'll loose weight and do exercises too! And I (Inshallah) would finish reading the Quraan by the end of this holy month.........give me strength to forget those who would never remember me anyway. I need to know if you forgive me.....

Silence, 2am and its all quiet......yippee! Oh no! I miss the noise. Amir.....Oh no! Cat! RARA!!!!

Need to call my sis......something happened but mom won't tell me what.....

List

1) Amal is having Adil Ryan.....today.

2) Yasmin's Birthday is......today.

3) Aunt I threw up four times......today.

4) Aunt Elly and Uncle Yahya leaves.....today.

5) Shabrina's plan is in motion......today.

6) Dave's Cd will be done......today.

7) Got to babysit the children cause I promised.....today.

8) Meet Rasheed for dinner.....today.

9) Krystal coming over for sleepover.....today.

10) Thinking about Prince Breakfast.......today.
and always.

Brothers

I hope the days come easy and the moments past slow......
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.....
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to.....
I hope you know somebody loves you.
And wants the same things too.....


Gosh to love someone with that much passion and care.......I know for a fact that Debbie probably felt this way about his younger brother. My gosh to put emotions into words, their love was so true, so pure, so loving, so everything a brother should be....I mean where in the world have you seen a young man of nineteen constantly mollycuddling his younger brother and passionately and truly crying goodbye......tears pouring down.

My gosh, I realised something else....that kind of love I do possess, but how many people are truly blessed to have that much love and care? How many in this world today? Whole families going to the airport to wish goodbye......a huge clan, with us three and the friends.

I swear that moment when I viewed Dave being so caring and loving......I almost wished that this dude was Arab, twenty something and looks like breakfast. But of course he turns out to be my little bro....but I realised something also.......not many arab men are like that, they are too afraid of showing and displaying their emotions. To tear shows weakness, and their egos are too huge to show any weaknesses.......ok generalising now.....but as far as I know.......

Somedays I wonder, how do we stumble into our seperate lives and scratch around trying to make sense of what we have?? Why did HE position us this way??

Love makes the world go round, and love makes the world go down......but for me, love is love. You make your world go round or down......decide your life and the final word is this, Brotherly love. Very important. Sisterly Love. Even more so. =)

To Anonymous,

Weeee.....finally an anonymous commentor......well....to anonymous.....that was written like two years ago in one of my diary excerpts......anyways....I am now no longer in the back seat of the car.....I am the driver of my own destiny and well I realised something else too!!

There is no difference between male and female companionships, its the same thing, I was cured of love through friendship......and I guess that's all that matters huh??

No fresh perspective, no difference of opinions, no change of characters, just people who can tolerate being with you and you can tolerate being with them. Realising that love is and always will be with you, not a man's love no doubt, just love, the deepest kind. I used to say, I am an Unlucky, Fat arsed arab teenager, but in fact I am one of the most luckiest type......and now typing this before a new semester begins, relishing the fact that while life may deal many blows and squander all my money away, Life is a gamble. And I have got the best people around me to help me regain all the losses that I've encountered. All the happiness that I've taken for granted and all the dreams I thought would not come true.....they will be there for me and I will be there for them.....insyALLAH. Thus quoting a famous person by the name of Shabrina Hyder....It's like that like.....(lolxz) Love her alot....

Eyesight

There is this phase where everyone would pass in life where, you want to feel loved and needed but at the same time you're all out for fun. So where are you really? Stuck in the middle somewhere, confusion and loneliness intermingles with the thirst of adventure and the unknown. So how can you move ahead? and how can you turn back? There comes this day where all you see is colours, different myriads of shapes crossing the sky, lightning flashes, distant thunder rolls darkly. Those stuck in the car and driving without a purpose down a slippery winding road. the raindrops patter the roof, of course back at the passenger seat, so you can view the world passing by quickly.

Y'know i always thought that i could find someone who can be seen as a true man. A person who would make friends with all people no matter their physical appearance and tolerate the atttitudes that suck. Someone who cared deeply for a cause other than sex. Though in these times, that kindda person is hard press for money. Not that i'm desperately searching and seeking someone to love, no, just to be friends with, cause i'm so sick of female companionship. Somedays, you need a fresh perspective. well, that's all i guess.

In order to finally be humans we gotta know what humans should be.
I seem to be looking for completion in all the wrong places, maybe my eyesight has gone bad, but maybe the signs are not pointing in the right path.

Goodnight, but is it really a good night?

Crash

An empty room can be so deafening, The silence makes you want to scream.

Really, sometimes you realise that hormonal imbalances can trigger a different opinion to the normal or should I say 'normal' person. But at the end of the day it is the differences that makes life interesting. The fact of the matter is, the world is lacking in love, we need more love in this world. We are surrounded by destruction and wars, all we actually need is hope and love, two things that there's just too little of. Why is this world temporary? To make any difference one must disrespect their religion and go towards sinning and debauchery. Somedays life seems too simple, other days it gets complicated. Very complicated.

Screaming right now, listening and observing the CRASH of society. Crash, the ideology of crash is how people categorise and stereotype society into. C stands for Class, R stands for Race, A stands for Age, S stands for Sex and H stands for Handicap and the world thought that it was just a great movie about racism. There it is, my lesson for today, my examination for tommorrow and the stillness of the unwelcomed night. July 15th 2007, many newlyweds today. They will never be left in an empty room devoid of emotion and passion. They will never want to scream, know why? Cause they'll be fighting all the time.

An empty room can be so deafening. The silence makes you want to scream.

AAAH! There I screamed.

Changes

The happiest women, like the happiest nations, have no history. A quote by the grand master George Eliot, to live happy is to live in ignorance. Is it better to be happy and forgotten or upset and living through the history pages? I will make a difference in the world to atleast 222,222,222 people. Yes, that is my vow.....I know I can't change the world but well atleast 222,222,222 people will know about me and my quest to save them from wrecking havoc upon themselves. Humanity and the human soul will win, the truth is out there and inside every one of us.

Same Men

Here's to the men that we love,
Here's to the men that love us,
But the men that we love,
Will never love us,
So fuck all men.......
HERE'S TO US!!

Selfish Souls

-Love Thyself for no one else doth love thee true-

To kill the selfish life, is it a virtuos thing or not?
And to strangle an innocent child, is it a crime or not?
Somehow the lines between right and wrong,
Life and death,
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?


To ponder upon the greatest of creation, and praise it endlessly
And to mock and disgrace the ones judged the lesser
Somehow the boundaries between judging and opinions,
Failures and wins
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?


To jump on the next train and leave parents that love you
And to go and meet the parents who leave you
Somehow the barriers between responsibility and bravery
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?


Thus the final word is this
that it is not what is yours, its what you miss
The act of love or
that forbidden kiss
But most of all self-love is bliss.

Noura Talib

Goodbye Love

Pack all your bags, we're finished.
Leave the door open when you leave I want your smell gone.
I can't live waiting for you to come and sweep me off my feet again.
I realised I can't live with you.
I need to focus on me and my needs.
So now disappear because I know that I don't want you.
You're full of riddles that I can't comprehend.
So go away until I pick up that phone and call you to come.
For now, both of us know we will just harm each other.
Goodbye emotions.
Goodbye love.

Good Charlotte

AAAHH!! Yesterday night was sooo much fun!! Moshing and pushing and screaming for LO and GOOD CHARLOTTE!!! Weehooo!! It was one amazing night!! The moon and stars were up and there was not a drop of rain in sight!! And Joel Madden Looked directly at me for at least 3 times ok?? Well the best part was just hugging J.Lo and talking to him.....well practically stammering and forgetting my oh so great lines lar.....aiyo!! I love Jason Lo's Music.....and i think he looks waaay Better than the madden bros!! Sorry lar to my friends who think otherwise!! But he vely cute wan!!

So sad we didn't meet Mukey cause then we might have gotten to get backstage!! Aiyo!! Well our luck was still high lar....i mean we just got the normal tickets then they opened the gates to us to join VIP!! So all you have to do was push through to the front and wham bam kazaam!! I was in front of the stage screaming my lungs out for Lo!! But the funniest thing happened then too...there was this guy in front of me and he actually asked if he could go to the front and we said yes cause he said his friend was at our leftside which means we can still see the stage.....so ok lar....then this dude stands directly in front of me!!! What an idiot!! I mean you say your moving then move lar!! Then i told Su leng, Sherina and Nus well we are moshing so i can shove him away!! Then this dude turns around and says well you can buzz off if you want!! And then i just smiled and say no im fine where i am...well next i turned around and su leng was telling me about how she met good charlotte backstage and got their autographs and stuff....well....then this dude after Lo finished playing he turned around and asked me which school i was from!! What a freak right?? You just told a girl off and the next second he's like interested.....what a weirdo!! Anyhow....it was a great night!!

And i know for a fact that Lo and Joel Madden definetely looked at me!! Weeeeee!!! I'm on air.....oh and you most probably wondering how am i so sure....well while moshing you are all pushed everywhere right?? and he looked at me at all those places!!! Weeeee!! And if you r all wondering the lights will make him not see the crowd but there was no bright beam from the back....and we were all also bathed in the beams of lights shining from up!!!
So that means he can view us....this is the same for hitz fm birthday bash when reshmonu said that the girls in the front row were really hot!!! See he can see us!! So ya!! There you go!! And they weren't drunk!!! hahahhahaha!!


And well 5 best things yesterday night....
1) Hugging and talking to Jason Lo
2)Taking like 5 pictures with Jason Lo
3) Moshing in the crowd and having joel, benji and travis look at me!!!
4) Just screaming along and jumping with the crowd
5) Standing on the skyroof of Hadri's car speeding through the kesas!!!


p.s. New Short Term Dream--- Interviewing J.Lo....hmmm...
p.p.s. This is a very immature post....meaning the writing....

Toast

Have you ever wondered why people would prefer toast with jam or with sugar than toast with just plain butter?? This is not going to be one of the life is like a piece of string....or life is like a ball....or life is like a dream.....well basically non of the life is like (something with a personification here....)
This is merely an observation, and I have personally observed that life and toast are kindda alike.....I mean people in general want toast with a flavour yet some like it plain....some like toast hot, yet some wait long minutes for it to cool down before wanting a bite.life in general, my friends, is a complicated thing to comprehend and aliking it to toasted bread does not do life any justice......but I am not aliking life to toast Im displaying the similarities between us and toast.....although sometimes people like to eat jam or sugar....don't you ever get sick and tired of jam?? Or instead of strawberry wouldn't you like some marmalade instead?? And once you had a taste of marmalade would you ever go back to strawberry.....or would you ever go back to plain bread??

Ok well.....I'm just wondering why people stay in stale relationships for so long?? And what benefits do they get from having a relationship?? I
know you get someone to love.....to hold.....to be yourself with.....but what if that falls apart and well life then what happens to that?? Would you like the taste of plain bread now?? Cause the jam's finished and there's no more sugar in the cubboard......would you like that?? I dunno....I never really tasted good jam or amazingly sweet sugar to regret them finishing and leaving my life....well....I've always been one to prefer chocolate
spread...make that chocolate hazelnut spread....NUTELLA...yum yum!! And I have always got a stock of it in the cubboard. No matter what
people's preference are I've always got my hazelnut spread.....I love you chocolate spread. My life is in need of a change.....I need a change.....or a holiday....or something.
I just need to know if I should want jam or just the same old chocolate......


Why is life so complicated?? The mysterious strings that roll into thousand miles worth of memories and emotions.......

I miss tim. I miss krystal. I miss aya. I miss moh. I miss you.....and yet I don't even know who you are.....I miss you.

Oranges

You never know when life hits the unwanted curveball your way. You never understand what unrequited love feels like until it comes astrewn on your path. The way that love comes and yet how quickly it dissapears, its definetely scary.

Love, all my life there was just me and my dreams, spend my nights wondering how it would feel, when will today end and when will tommorrow start.

Somedays i would just sit alone and wonder, ponder about absurdity and insanity,pleading to my soul to resurrect the emotions lost along the way.

Sometimes the lights are turned down and the whole city sleeps tight at home, I alone wonder the darkened streets seeking a lightbulb to seek solace and grace in these upsetting nights. There doesn't seem to be anyone around me, just stillness. quiet contemplation, darkness turning into lights.

It ends tonight. It finally has.

p.s. I no longer love oranges! Sadder but wiser.
p.p.s. Written while overlooking the beautiful Jakarta skyscrapers at approximately 3am sitting at the balcony at tante Elly's house.