B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Im seventeen! Sweet seventeen! Haven’t sunk in yet that im already seventeen! I CAN DRIVE! Weehooo!! But of course parents won’t allow me to get my license till I die of old age coz their beloved youngest daughter cannot drive on the treacherous streets of kuala lumpur….gosh I am still in my little bubble with no news from the outside world….in normal terms…no new experiences….no pain…nothing..just boring old routines repeated normally…wait let me start talking bout my birthday, now that was something different! Thanks a bunch to my fave gals in the world and my family too!
Day before….had tomyam with mom at fave thai restaurant and at night elder sisters friends came over and cut Cake no.1
During the day….happy that I am one year older….reminising on things that happened since my last birthday….then feeling so depressed with myself coz I am not celebrating this year and have to study…..then went to Khat’s house for hari raya open house….stayed there until seven….stupid girl should get an oscar nominee for her stellar performance….she actually made me stay there until seven when I wanted to go back at five! Then went back home……..KABOOM! SURPRISE!
Four of my bestest friends were in my house with a candle lit cake!(cake no.2) OmiGAWD! It was amazing!!! I never thought they’d do that!! It was AMAZING!! And duh! Stupid sappy me had to CRY! Its like my tear glands just keep on secreting this fluid and it never stops…..but well im emotional! We all went for dinner at pizza hut…since it was a Sunday couldn’t go clubbing……but we did a crazy thing….well a secret crazy thing!! But it was F-U-N!!! neways that is definetely a birthday to remember! I learnt a lot during that night…….it pays to study….and if you want the rainbow you gotta go through the rain….or sometimes when you least expects it the rainbow shines in front of you….a revelation from the Creator….
In life you get many blessings and well one of the blessings I have been given are amazing friends and an amazing family! That was a blessed day to remember.
I love you peeps and will never forget you no matter how long…..my birthday…21st november 2004….forever inscribe in my memory….

Challenge boredom

Okay I know I said obbsession is over….well it is over and my new phase of singledom has finally kicked in……ok….here goes nothing……
African Gollum likes me I said no
Mr bean indian version likes me I said no
Salman khan wannabe likes me….never asks me out
Will say no…
When will I ever say yes?
Ronaldo is out of my life and I have to get over it….just watched that movie get over it….quite funny….
Read hard love…..really read hard love…..didn’t cry….i don’t see why saiks likes that book? Probably never read a classic yet….Classics are AMAZ+ING!
Tinmans’ off in a world of he's own
Yellow, pondering in mysterious ways
Waiting for a ride in a BMW
Making funny noises by the side of the road…
Taking a chance on absolute oxygen
Tailoring cloths to strap around my fats
Watched princess diaries two and cried again…..want to read nicola and the viscount….and ‘hes just not THAT into you’
Reading sophie’s world and car mags, dun ask why…….very bored and tired….mundane pitifying lifestyle I lead…..today....
Going to change all that….have a plan for the holidays….after I come back from indonesia that is.

Loving life….loving wife….no life without wife….gosh who could create such a no brainer?

Chi chor….hi hor….mrs hor….who am I?
I am a contradictory, ambiguous, assuming, prying, discovering, smiling work of art created by the hands of the Almighty…to plague…or is that plaque? plague…the world with the infectious vir=us of laughter and smiles…..to contradict myself and make those around me get annoyed….make funny sounds and I snore too! So I make funny sounds during my slumber and when awake….
you don’t wanna know me….
im weird….
But then again………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
………………………..……….who isn’t?

First stage over I hope…dun wanna cry no more….i wanna be somebody else….no my boo and no broken….no more sad songs….im outta love and im not in love……no more tears left….first stage officially over. think bout the fakir and the towel….and of course the yellow.

P.S.And if Khat, Neha, Shab,Shaz is reading this for some absurd reason…..my life is boring today didn't do anything lar! Thanks a lot for having no plans lar! and in true muralli style...thanks lar just thanks!

ObbeSIONs IS oVER!!!

its finally OVER! okay okay okay! no more OBsessions with the yellow jeep and NO MORE obsessions over ANYTHING ELSE! feeling very very happy right now......came up to that phase in life where all this #h!% doesn't matter anymore....i am happy being single. its just that you have those days when you look into the mirror and ask yourself what is wrong with me? what am i lacking? and now its just that i am in a cool state of being....no more hurrying...no more pretending.....can make my own decisions without asking no one.....Gosh it feels good! But i didn't pray yet! very very very scared ok gonna pray now....let me play you a song my diary.......
Kasihku
Sampai disini
kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karena kita berbeda....
Dengarkan
Dengarkan lagu.....lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita berakhir di November ni
Selamat tinggal kisah sejatiku....pergilah

MusiC

you know what? hehehhee! you are sooo beautiful to meeeeee....CANT you SEE??????????????
okay hyper mood! wrong time to write in blog......actually perfect time....okay one two threeeeee
weeeee!!! i like khat, i like khat, i like khat, she work it bad! Mere tum see pyar nehaaaaaaa....janna janna banana! temteremterem...poink poink poink...........juggle juggle....gargle...gargle...gargoyle!! i miss the cartoon! hehehhehe! CAPTAIN planet HES MY heroooooo....going to save the world....THE POWEr curry puff girls!! TAn teretan TERE tan...tere TAN tereTAN teRe TaN tan tan tan TEre tan tere TAN!! i LOOOOve orlanDO blOOm! okay wait....oh shabby! i am gooing cuckoo!!! SHAb-barin-a OR ELmo! oh welcome to the seSAme Street!!!! and i Love YOu you love me! we are a HAppy family!!! tear tear...Sniff SNiff! OH now its Soo Depressing....Your'e bringing on the saiks leggggg...bringing on the saiks leeeeggggg....hehheheee! and MOve Shaz's BOdy every Every Cheer heeerrr!! Move It hottie! gosh peopleee no speakyyy? and lastly aaliyah's favourite.....YAs's purrrfect now..Just do your thang...We'll C how it goes...ohhh!! you Cannot ask and TRy again I will say no If you trY again! shake that thang ms...neha anna...shake that thing ms....neha anna!! weeeeee!!! oh hahhahaha! wait this is dedicated to all the dudes in college! Its just!...ah...a little Khat! everytime shE comes....oh she sooo Rad! Its Just...ah...SomeLittle..Khat...CoZ she LookS like a Babe And sHE is Noeet BAd! huM lokoko>> samma SAKOtor>>shabrina>>suka BryanI>>WHich Brings ME too thee QUestion..>> hey KenapA Churi..curi? hehhehehe! sooo HIGHHHH!!! and I'm TAkiNG My owN chANceS...FiNding My OWn answerS..I'm OnlY answERing To meeeeee!!! weeee hoooo!!

Sweep

Sweet summer breeze mounting its saddle in my hair
Lilac flowers, Tulip flowers and Roses everywhere
Sadness steriled,misery,despair...
take the sweet sentiments and make them dissapear
Love is a story told by a fool
For he who knows love not..knows what is true
Splitting of homes, the crash of porcelain
Spinning in a room, feeling depressed, superior, inane
Time has its goals and time its own master
Life churns out surprises one after the other
Today no rain, tommorrow will pour
The wheat that still grows, will stand tall and strong
The failures will die and return to where they belong
Smiles that look caring and kind is hiding the lies
Time will tell
Love that is shown in life, a man jumps over a cliff
Feeling 'piak' like a lizard on a windscreen
People take steps on your heart...or get wedged in between
Some just love a message, they feel the earth is clean
Sweet summer breeze
Comes and goes....
Where will i stand tommorrow?
How will i ever know?

Breakaway

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray,I would pray
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and
I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And Breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away......
breakaway.......
the future is the future and the past is the past...what i need for my future my past cannot give....this place will open doors for me and i longingly wait upon the day i will be free.......and
Breakaway.....

Invisible strings

I can't take it anymore,
I can't fake it anymore
Why do people feel i am immature?
Maybe i am, maybe i am young
Maybe i need to learn the ways of the unsure.

When will my laughing cease
And worrying increase?
Sadly the world feels i am not old enough...
Lines wrinkling on their faces while mine is a baby's
Their lips curl up in disdain, hate
They think they have experience, proud to know the world
All i want to do is be me....a girly girl

Why can't no one love me anymore?
I used to be proud and feel i am old
But one painful experience will make u see a deeper story that's being told...

I was a hyped up wannabe
I can't fake it anymore
I want to smile with no tainted record
I can't take it anymore
They laugh up front.....and bite behind
I wish my mouth was pure
Just wish i could be blind.....

Take back the sins...i know i have made

Let me be free
Let me be...........me.

Quest

sometimes the answers are right in front of you....obvious....but then the mist blocks up the answers...and you can't see......but the truth is.... the answers are deep within me.......
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long.......
this emotion,attraction, the need to be a we..........it won't last.
time will tell.

My blog

okay life so far....nothing much to talk about....just a reminder to myself never ever think of leaving the vicinity of Sunway with friends it almost always gets me screwed.....just like yesterday......my dream car the yellow jeep decided not to appear... the driver did but what difference does it make? next i find out that i FAILED my Law paper......failed it! ok and lastly....the plans the girls made was almost failing until last minute everything went well......and the advert thing that we all went to....well i did not make it....my body was too fat...two of my friends got in....and i am very proud of them....well there are many more ads later when i grow taller and less fatter.....hmm....when my treadmill comes TOMORROW!!! YIPPEE!!! i am soooooooo excited my very own treadmill!! yippee!! okay ya back to my very depressing day yesterday.....i found out that i can't flirt....weird right? i don't like to flirt.....especially with people i don't know....well if i know them you can talk right but i don't know how to flirt anymore.....i don't think i do it....friends please correct me if i am saying crap.....but i don't flirt with strangers....oh ya on mission impossible.....she caught me spying on her....but smiled....kept on looking at me........then yesterday totally erased me from memory....did not look once.....:( well who cares mission was accomplished! no one will comprehend what i just said...heheheehe!! its my blog.....its gonna stay here together.....never gonna last forever....but i will keep it till i get tired....ITS-MY-BLOG!!

A MidWinter's Dream

i awoke in the midst of noise and havoc.....fully made up in sexy eye makeup and seductive lips..the dressing was decent.....the hair was beAUtiful....feels great! but then i was in chaos and havoc.....and a-LOT of noice.......the songs bring back tides of memories...a chinese song...not one more than three million...or so it seemed....but the chinese song was beautiful...amazingly..beautiful.....the rythm, tone....sweet music....high strung guitars came next and a voice of passion on the backgrond of rock filled the stage...the atmosphere was elctrically charged..as the unknown band screamed out the song 'the reason' one of my favourites..to describe what a stupid inane person i am to let loose one of the most eligible bachelors in the world...but i did....and i feel that i needed that......thank you my Creator.
then the night drove on performance after performance...tiring my eyes and boring my soul.....how could my eyes be kept awake.....the object of my obsession was not present....next i was in the college canteen...drinking down chocolate milkshake and listening to the chatter around me.....the people i belonged with...my friends.....feels good to feel solid ground instead of falling down always....feels good to have dreamt that dream.....in pakistan it is winter(almost)...i dreamt a midwinter's night dream....in the sacred month of Ramadhan.

Rosy Corner

when i saw the break of day
wish that i could fly away....
instead of kneeling in the sand.....
catching teardrops in my hand.
my heart is drenched in wine....but you will be on my mind...
forever....
and i spot at the side my rosy corner...
a feeling so strong it cannot be incarcerated.....a jubilating relief sets in
pure freedom...a dove takes flight....
but still those bars surround me...my heart is amongst a fight
which side to choose?
which to see right?
how may i follow my heart and still manage to be me?
when i saw the break of day...
wish that i could eat again
the lord is watching closely....
but im still kneeling....and still catching my teardrops....
but there are roses blooming around me.....rose in bloom....my rosy corner...

The Wizard of Oz

Love can make bonds or break hearts
fly up in the sky or land with a thud
I don't believe in falling in love
Never found my romeo.....my shakespeare
My life is full of doubts, insecurities....
People smile in front and bite me....behind
How can i seek for someone like me?
I don't think i will find
Believe in GOD and don't go looking for Prince Charming
I thought i did, I thought i found him
but he does not feel the same way
He does not even look or glance at me today
My life is torture...my heart doth break
For love is lost, one i tried to seek
I am not strong, I know i am weak
Feeling all strong, but at the end i break
Spreading my remains, spewing blood
my heart is full of pain, my heart is bleeding
Come help me Tinman...help Dorothy
For now i don't believe in love unless you come back to me
I never found my romeo.....my shakespeare
Now your gone...when will you be here?

Truthful Cartoons

Sometimes, I get that overwhelming feeling,
So sad the plastic Faces around me...
If i try to make a difference would it help anyway?
Then i stop and to myself i say
So you wanna change the world,
What are you waiting for,
Say your gonna start right now,
What are you waiting for,
It only takes one voice,
So come on now and shout it out,
What are you waiting for
Sometimes, I feel a little helpless,
Seems well... I can't do a thing,
But anything is possible,Just you want and see,
Good things happen...If you Just believe
Someday, somehow, I'm gonna take that step,
Cause time is tickin away,
Right here,Right now,
I am not ready yet...
To face tomorrow today....
what am i waiting for.....

P.s. The truth cannot be forced... it is not your cartoon to draw and draw it according to your rules
but remember that cartoons are drawn by HIS hand and you can continue to pray....until the day....the truth appears...in a form of one of HIS cartoons...

Vanity Fair

i once thought vanity fair as only a book....stories of the culture of those narrow minded humans...the old school as they call it....but it relates to the world today.....somehow the stark similarities just keep on appearing at the back of my head.

A woman has three children and she smokes( considered BAD) and then her children start rebelling against her and they all start smoking ( all turned bad) how would society view them?
THEY ARE BAD!! nobody wants their child to end up a smoker,drinker and drugger but if it ultimately happens why are they shunned from the 'good' society?

the book is not depicting a culture that was the old school it was depicting humankind and its narrowminded.....shallow...despicable ways that drive attention driven teens into committing the biggest sins of the book....exactly...the book....Vanity Fair.......

Downpour

let the rain fall down and wash away my fears....let it calm away my insecurities.....let the rain wash over me....let the drops on my head bless my soul with its power.....i never thought that the divine would appear in so many ways......i saw the rain pour....i saw the rain fall.....in a blanket of water....have you ever wondered why a raindrop that looks so solid can fall down and turn to water....a liquid? or how after the rain falls there is always a rainbow amongst the hills and a chest or gold at the end of it? or why people get addicted to this harmless computer and ending up being crazy? my head is full of questions buzzing to get answered....why is there unwritten rules all over? why are people so full of themselves until they make me feel like vomitting? why are the royals superior and einstein when the firemen and police are helping the society more? why is there development? okay the list of why's go on forever but there is nobody that can answer my questions...why? the obvious answer would be because GOD said so....and you can't question why.....but still my stubborn nature forces me to question.........why did GOD say so.........i need to pray i need to find my answers and i will.....why?
because that's my journey to take....the journey of life..... face the downpour to get the rainbow....

Bad dreams

life has its boundaries.....step one is to understand that statement and apply it....step two is to forget about applying it and let loose but still understand you have the boundaries......God is always watching......and not only that but also for self preservation and survival in this wide world i have my boundaries. Not so much so as Alcatrez prison but just enough to walk across to the other side and climbing a fence.
funny isn't it?? funny how we believe what the newspapers say but question what God says?
the world is the wrongside up.......walking through the haze walking through bad dreams....the magician's reign is beginning and confusion is reigning.....

The False woods

life is made easier with the strength of a true friend....and made harder with the hypocrisy false friends,miserably realising that painful fact trying to chew and digest the bitter substance was too much to bear.
saying hello and smiling like the bright sun shining up above was proving to be a torment therefore i decided not to smile and give the cold treatment....especially to the man made from tin....sometimes when the pressures of society decreases its needs and the gossip english tea session runs based on meaningless lies...then to a quiet evening....to sweet silence.................
nobody can understand the beauty of reading a book....when a battle has been fought and at the end of the day pampering your soul with stories of old to savour the taste of manna dew........
after the journey in the clouds i did not want to return to earth.....but i did and reality hit me hard with a rock.....i have to make decisions based on my life in the future....and this place this soul searching experience made me realise that i am who i want to be...not the teenage drama queen....not the wild child dreamer....not the hard rocker...just plain ole me only with a bit more confidence and on the way to losing a few hundred pounds.....hehehe....smart people don't always stay smart remember the dumb can outsmart them.....

Cold tears

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that I was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way........
I feel foolish...i was alone
a stranger in a class
which i did not have to go to.....sitting away from everyone even when they started to call.....
i was angry, tired and bothered....i don't like the teacher....i don't like the superficial people around me and i don't like to study malaysia as the last period of the day which ends at 4.30...
i was not about to bow down to myself...my arrogance and pride got in the way......but it ended well....went home straight away then found a huge packet of lays to dig into, thanks to my dad.
life rocks because i know that my real friends were not there and i was a beating heart in a room full of plastic ones.....................................sigh....Live life with no regrets...and i don't regret going..

Rainbow

A Long journey ends in blissful happiness and painful realisations.....I made a long journey well to me it felt...a lifetime but it only lasted two days....i feel more matured....more experienced and at least two heads taller than what i was before.

Humans are like green trees...all different in their own ways...the eyes...nose...mouth...character...all shining in their own way but...when one comes with a different colour in the midst of green that tree would shine much more....i aspire to be that brown tree outstanding from the rest.....still a tree but a tree with its own branch of uniqueness..

Malaysian Fireworks...not bad...especially in a field surrounded by pine trees and a lake surrounding one half of the field...with your family that looks as if they came out from My Big Fat Greek Wedding....20 people...arabs lining the field surrounded by malays and chinese...i guess we did stand out....came home at two and had to wake up at six to meet friends for a roadtrip to Ipoh...was GREAT fun and Ipoh is famous for Hor Fun which happens to be my ultimate favourite food in the world....well the food not bad...saw a rainbow with that song playing...the song that gives me strength to move on...i felt that it was a sign from GOD....i know what a WACKO but it was just too coincidental....and realised that i did matter to this stage my play is on realised that i did have a major role to play and in doing so i know i will have the confidence to face up to the ovation in the end....

You sense that you have the support of your relations or others in your surroundings for your creative hard work and personal goals just now, which enables you to act with self-assurance. You are able to please both your need to be an individual, and your need for caring relationships and a sense of belonging. You are in harmony with yourself and are therefore an effective individual at this point in time. scary right? how destiny plays the fiddle and life takes an unsuspecting turn......

i broke up with my boyfriend.....i asked for the seperation.....i don't understand myself......i am going through painful realisations but at the same time blissfully happy........

The Ninja Family

Odd isn't it?
There is a girl who does not know the whole of Malaysia yet and she has to be a tour guide to a group of cousins fully clothed head to toe in black thick garment..through the streets of malaysia which is not a small feat for a girl of my age. Three small girls, a baby boy and two teenage girls were placed in my care as we waddled through the busy throngs of Jalan Petaling...a place with the CHEAPEST bargains you can find in the whole of malaysia..but there is a catch it is crowded at all hours except in the mornings, pickpocketing at every corner and they steal children ....anyhow.. these arabs do not and i mean DO NOT wake up early in the morning therefore we had to shop in the busiest hour at night. I used to like petaling street at night...because you can view the moon through the cracks in the plastic above our heads...beautiful moon in the dark towering over this busy street with perverts saying "where are you going slow down a bit lar" stupid fellows...four children with two english speaking petite teenagers in Jalan Petaling was not going to be a smooth ridefor me...at every shop we stopped at on that saturday night they raised the prices to the ceiling and then when i started to talk malay they lowered the prices down.....the whole street is full of cheaters...then i was wondering is the world full of cheaters or are they just very good actors...the whole family kept things hidden from one another...there are seven children in the family...i had to keep a yoyo hidden from the father...three music cd's from all the three little girls and two lollipops from the baby boy....then i realised something...a family shouldn't be like Petaling Street....it should be like the malls...air-conditioned...the prices the same and no hidden skeletons in the closet..and most importantly no crowds a place you can go to and feel free from burden a haven ,a safety net...i made up my mind either i am not ever going to marry an arab man or i am not going to have more than four children...

Sea Breeze

Sea breeze
the sea breeze through my fingers in my hair
the sea breeze seeping in my clothes breathing in my deep sighs
the sea breeze touching my heart bringing me back to my island
the sea breeze takes away my miseries and thoughts
enchanting me into its wondrous spell
thinking for me and enveloping me in its wondrous hands
lift me sea breeze
lift me make me fly higher above this world i am forced to stay
let me float to the other galaxy's and let me laugh and play
the sea breeze through my fingers in my hair
you are the only being in this world that understands how to truly care

twinkling lights

twinkling lights ....take me far away to another place.... the fairyland...your dremland palace...filled with joy, hope, light, love and truth....why does failure make a man stronger?? but it only pulls me down deeper into the abyss of insanity....why am i different from all mankind? good deeds should be done by all but yes god only help those who help themselves....o people i do not understand myself.....my jealousness....is consuming me....i am so very vain....i am so very weak...i am an ambiguous subject.....all i understand is that hatred and anger is burning me inside and i feel....a bonfire alone on a hilltop...burning away...alone...but for the twinkling lights...

a painted house

i know the title does ring a bell right?? yes john grisham!! but very much like me...my new house in this picture perfect neighbourhood....colourless..plain white...i wish...if i could describe myself like a house it would be....humongous...wide (i feel FAT)... wooden with no white paint(i am tanned)....beautiful doors...(my smile :) ) ....huge rooms...(my heart) with no furniture and empty windows (i feel lost and empty all around).....but one thing i feel my house has is faith....all the lights are opened and it would have to be independent....surrounded by greenery and isolated from the world enclosed in its own dreamland...well thats more or less me...i just moved and my math teacher hates me.....hehehe..im a practical dreamer...21st november born people...its in the stars....i live in a painted house...not at home just in school....love meeee!!!

the mother pigeon

somehow or another life does not treat people kind...not like whitney houston....i hope life treats all the good people of the world kind...but isn't the world filled with good people?? i mean how many people have you met with an evil heart?? none right?? i just saw a pigeon looking at the world from her nest that was perched high above....the dog that was run over by some inconsiderate driver and left to bleed...the boxes of different people....i belve people are like boxes boxes with their own shapes and colour and sizes and their own capacities.....welll now have to go for math class....HELP ME!!!! continue later......

hyped up everyday wannabe

I am a hyped up everyday wannabe wanting to be a part of action....a part of something i once referred to as grown-up things....somehow this place where i study at seems brimming with light not darkness but full of life...full of light...i know this may seem pathetic but somehow that concludes the way i feel..i used to think it was darkness and blank empty faces...but i came to understand that all that emptiness was what i created for myself...i wanted to be left alone...wanted to be seperate..different...away from chaos and drama. but now i know that to be seperated is not different and to be tied down in chains by people you care about is much better than wandering aimlessly around the darkness intermingling with strangers..i am a hyped up wannabe...wanting to be confident and full of smiles...but i know that at the end of the day....i am still a player on this stage called college...and wherever i go i make the action.....now cut!

Ultimate spell

today, the day my life changes together with my house.....the house i have been living in is now unoccupied and empty and so am i....emptiness surrounds my soul...i never could fully comprehend what that meant until today, the day i left old memories in order to create new ones and this blog is going to share all my new memories with me...through the greens, whites, reds, blues and oranges...excuse me for being entirely without words...goodnite abs..i feel hypnotized and i have not found the Ultimate spell.....