Hundred

A hundred letters I never sent to you
Which I've left lying on the ground
A hundred unanswered questions
Answers I never found

A thousand times I've called you
But then hung up the phone
A thousand times a day I miss you
And feel so alone

A hundred half slanted doors
Left half opened never closed
A hundred apologies I gave to you
The ones that you disposed

A thousand times I cry at night
Because I miss you the most
A hundred times I've regretted
Letting us become so close

A hundred times I've asked myself
What did our talks mean
A hundred times I thought just maybe
This is all a bad dream

A hundred times I've pondered
Is it meant to be us two
A hundred times I've wished
That I didn't still love you

A hundred times I've wondered
Did you love me like you said
A hundred times I've hoped that
Our love is not yet dead

So now I'll ask you did you love me
Like you once told me
Do you think it could live up to
What I wanted us to be

I don't have to hear your answer
Because your head is hanging low
Everything we once had was a lie
Because you just told me no.

HARry Raya

Its HARRY ROYA TOMMOLLOW!!! ...okay that was ages aso......when I still had the chance of a lifetime to not screw up my bloddy frrokying english paper....when my A was confirmed....when.....when.....when....I still had an attraction to the opposite sex......now its so hard to have a thing for men. HEhEHEHEhe! I feel so gay...no i'm just joking puh-lease! I need to breathe real air, get away from all the wobbly butts and the cute dimples....not nipples!!
(siti nurhaliza+blonde hair= dumb blonde)
Tarik's smile is infectious, want his smile babaye! Well that's just lame when you rehelly want to scream and jump on the monkey bars at Al-Hidayah...just jump from on bar to the next or run around the huge field at Bentley primary and scream your momma jokes at the top of your lungs. Need a break man!!!! You didn't sleep one whole night for studying purposes! WEEHOOO! never did that before....quite scary and impressed with it....my maths better be great!! Or else sooomebody's gunna get hurt!!Maths tomolo. Scared like shite.....just wanna jump into the pool half empty of shite and mud....rolling and mucking around acting like the princess of Mombasa.

Rental

Do I have a for sale sign stuck on my forehead? Or most probably a I'm single and free sign...plastered all around. It's like finally guys are asking for my number and stuff....like finally people actually want to know me.....not like that matters i turn them down anyways. Gosh i'm feeling weird today....exams are coming up and auntie nadima just says that i should get married. What a weirdo!! Well feeling not too bad now and echo's having a PAR-TAy soon....yippee!! Adamas hottiee!! How do you know when someone you hate likes you and someone you like hates you? Why is the world filled with superficial beings filled with their own selfish desires. What goes around comes around.....i don't know what would become of me.....I'm feeling terrified of the shadows on the walls, scared of the words that they whisper....how can a girl grow up to be a murderer? A girl would grow up to be what she wants to be.....lalalala....love saying that.....lalalalalala!! WEEEEEEE.......Coral reefs and Hawaiian beaches. Love the whirlpools and tornadoes.....hahahahahhaha!! Die people DIE!! hehhehehehe!! I'll save you idiots!! Kingdom Asia's best fighter......the Taliban Princess!!

~God gave everyone a plan~

Wings

To die or not to die
To pierce or not to pierce
To have or not to have
To lose or not to lose
To jump or not to jump
To love or not to love
To breathe or not to breathe
To hug or not to hug
To cry or not to cry
To smile or not to smile
To laugh or not to laugh
To dig or not to dig
To eat or not to eat
To fly or not to fly
When will I have my wings?
When will this choice be right?
When will I love again?
When will I takeoff the first flight?
When will I make a choice
When will I be right?
When will I have my wings?
When? When? When?


~wings of gold come all the time but true love.....it comes once in a lifetime~

~lalalalalalalala~

Haemophilia

The days pass by and the power of love has passed by through his dead cold hands...the possibility of love with any human being has long left him. Its quite sad really after hearing his plight of seeking true love and getting destroyed at every corner by another girl that this young and healthy straight male decided to take a step into the other side and become a gay. Remember you have no problems with gays but just that somehow or rather these thoughts come up and i wonder how would it feel to be a guy? I mean really, the way you have to hold a girl's waist and buy her flowers and pamper her with money and dinners.....how would a guy manage all this? And why? For love? I don't believe that love to that stage can be allowed to grow in this young stage of people's lives. Ok well ya, decided that i don't have anything against gays and lesbians as people but i do have something against their priorities and values. Maybe that's why i could never be close friends with people without faith in their lives....or is it the hand of God covering me from their stares and their embraces.
Well it's not like you should stop watching Queer Eye For a Staright Guy! Love Jai! hehe. It rhymes.....
Vignesh is going down down down!~ This is with me for life! that's just So sardonic.

Listen Row

Sometimes words escape from the deepest wells of my being and run around as little hooligans shrieking out loud for attention and other times they just run and play amongst themselves, collecting more little hooligans to add the water in the well...what does this mean? Well, Noura this means that you want be listened to and want to listen to others. So what does the wind bring whistling to my ears? The sadness and the pain of the palestinians? Or the happiness and success of the Jews? Or is this a rojak of both?

As i was watching the butts of Arabs go wobbly wobbly I screamed out HEY LADY! YOU FORGOT TO WEAR PANTIES WHEN YOU GREW UP! Then a voice just like reshmy's came whispering in a hungama thunder, you never wear panties too Noura! Hehehehe!
So waiting there in the lecture hall I was pondering the thoughts of the bluebirds and the magpies that surround me and I forgot to wear my underwear.....well gotta self-motivate my fat body to work out and jump to the clouds without underwear of course....haha. I like that laugh it makes things sound absolutely sacarstic and yet it brings this kind of sanity with it....haha. Hehehehehe! LOLZ! ok I'm rehelly goin mental here....Sunway people are not all their up to be.
Well who is these days?

~white people are afraid of the black man....white people are afraid of arab man....white people are afraid of the chines man....and white people are afraid of the russian and german man....tell me one type of person a white man isn't afraid of? Oh wait...GOD~

~wobbly wobbly Arab Butts doing sumo wrestling and beating drums, ante asreashmah~

Somedays

Somedays watching the clouds roll by....can be quite interesting....other days it gets plain boring! AHHH!! I am feeling so the lame....well...AHHH!!

I need to breathe...just breathe....pretentious people surround me and the best part of the story is that it doesn't show any feelings,no loss, no love, no emotions....just somedays.....sometimes I want to be alone and be with silence...silence and darkness....with the only light escaping from my heart.....the light of faith.

So, someday when the world has passed me by~I sit around and wonder why~You were always there for me~Why can some people just stick with you no matter what and others just seem to dissapear? Why?

So there I am somedays wanting to be alone and other days to be amongst people...isn't it tiring to be with people all day long? Somedays life takes a rollercoaster dive downwards spiralling into an exhilirating adrenaline pumping time for a short time and then sadness and self pity engulfs the body,burning hot flames into the soul. But then its time to carry on and go up steadily all over again, pick up and move on...pick up and continue the rollercoaster ride again. Sometimes the cart that rides the body would be filled with different people and then....the cart empties and the remaining people left are the ones you call true friends. Well true friends and soulmates....both staying in the cart, until the end where the rollercoaster ride literally ends and it ceases to continue, ending in a complete stop.

Lamenting upon the lost past....crying underneath a starry filled night...by a murky dark lake side....I wonder, Somedays.....

CAR-MINE

MY FUTURE HUSBAND TO BE.......

Little Thoughts

Well....life's gotta go on.....I don't think i'm up to doing speech therapy anymore. I mean so many other courses to choose from....why speech therapy?? Well ya, get to work with disturbed children and get to touch tongues all day....and there is a short course on psychology included in the course, I would leave not only as a speech pathologist but also as a reader of the human being. How can someone read a person? I mean...isn't that weird having a shrink look at you and analze you and your emotions? How can someone know who you are inside and out through text books and experiments? That's just plain freaky.... I don't think anybody knows me well enough....cause if they do they would probably start running away to an undisclosed location so I won't be able to scare them there.....hehehhee!! No really there is this complicated side of me even I haven't fully comprehended, this sadistic, psychotic and well undescribable side.....some may call it immaturity cause when that side starts talking they all go...."Noura grow up"....well I dunno what the scientists would name it but it's called something like 'instinct'.

Somedays when the time passes you by and you mix with forty five different people there is this gut wrenching feeling that makes the mind instantly judge the people you're with....
I have came to realize that people are an amazing species and they all have their different and uniqueness....some you feel utterly comfortable with, even at first meetings, some you just will never let down your guard.
Why do some people tell these little thoughts out loud? They scare people away.....maybe people just don't like to hear the truth, well face it, its reality.....I know that things which are not nice to hear aren't all that bad....it makes you realise your mistakes and nobody's perfect, they might have problem's with their parents, some with their marks, others just have problems making friends....these are just the few little thoughts that run through the mind....why? Why? WHY? Why are they like that? Why don't they have any friends....and we all just come up with our own version of the tale. Assuming and prying, everyone is curious.....well just that people who mention anything about it well they would be warned at....well i guess going against the norms would make that happen.....Well i have heard some weird things that this little brain has been telling mebut well, as long as all those little thoughts that pop out of my head stay in my head and don't escape through my mouth, I reckon I'll probably keep some great friends around me....

But now I'm still confused if I should do speech therapy or not....hmm.....little thoughts, dirty little elvish ghoulish things swimming in the murky warm pools of your creative mind....

Lovebird

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with two glossy, colourful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly freely in the sky, bringing joy to whoever that saw him.

One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two traveled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird. But then she thought: "He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy at the bird's ability to fly. And she felt alone.

So she thought: "I'm going to set a trap, the next time the bird appears, he will never leave again". The bird that was also in love returned the following day fell into the trap and was put in a cage.

She looked at the bird every day, there he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends who said: " Now you have everything you could possibly want." However a strange transformation had taken place now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss, he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention except by feeding him and cleaning put his cage.

One day the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking of him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him fly for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.

If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
-Paulo Coelho-

Affair

You used to be a friend of mine
But I was so wrong
My heart told me reality was filled with lies
and yet it was truth all along.
You used to hold me
Watch me cry....
And I couldn't breathe
Because your love was there...through the night

Now I want the days to leave...
Your eyes burned with scarred tears
Of the pain I caused
But now I see that it was your fears
Of me discovering my loss.....

I lost to you my sacred friend
You stole the heart away
And yes I'll hate you to the very end
As now I sit and pray......

Pray that life would steal my pain
Pray that he'll come back again
Pray this nightmare can't be seen
Pray that I'm still living my dream

But the past has left
And the present is loneliness
For the knife cuts my chest
And my heart came out with it.....

So sad the toys that never brought smiles
So bad the boys that make you cry
but I thought you were different
I thought you wouldn't hurt me
But this hurt cuts deeply
and it can't be fixed with a sorry.

Your calls don't get answered....
Your joys won't be fully endured
You will torture your soul into sadness
for you have lost all happiness....
The day you betrayed me
The day the eyes saw selfish desires only
The day lust broke our friendship into two
Oh Jealousy, I hate you.

Only Hope

Time just passes you by when you're feeling a little upset and dismayed at what life brings to the front door. Instead of a lollipop I got spicy tomyam......not bad....still a favourite.....but just spicy and flustering not sweet and down-to-earth. There's something I found rather odd today.....people....you just gotta have your differences to make good friends.....you learn new things from different people....broaden your mind towards different viewpoints of matters with similarities.
Weird, you can't find someone identical to you......everyone is different....just like now....I'd probably bore my friends into sleepdom if I start talking about Philosophy and Politics and Poetry....my fave three P's and of course anyone can talk to anyone about the other P.....People. That seems to me to be a universal fave amongst anyone.....either talking about other people or themselves and their mundane lives.....because people only talk about themselves when their feeling down and disheartened.....nobody compliments themselves or say out loud that they are proud about their latest accomplishments(just another one of the unspoken laws of society).
Odd, rather odd.....I personally now belief that whatever happens it's for a reason....if God knows what he's doing and i believe he knows what he's doing than why complain? why prevent yourself from experiencing pleasure or pain? The rules of society must be obeyed....of course I agree.....but why do people create these barriers and boundaries? Life is too short I say.....be open and positive about everything....some people may hurt you....but that's because you think too much about their actions and contemplate alone in your room the 300 possibilities why that action took place and question their intentions.....but hey so what if they don't love you? so what if they hate you? that's their problem....go and question why....to them and not yourself.....confrontation and explanations is the key.......but hey....if I had enough patience....i'd just continue living my life as per normal forgive and forget.....many people are going to come into this life......they will try to inflict pain, happiness and the utmost horror.......but only to the extent that you allow it to.
Only you control your life, only you can follow your heart, only God can help you, only hope......

Subang

do they look within
the boy hiding in between
confused alone wondering
where did he go wrong...
do they smile and care
the child with ugly hair
all day he just stares
no one hears his song...
do they stroke and taste
the starved lips and face
he just fell from grace
walking all alone...
do they cheat and lie
his mind's sacrifice
the heart starts to cry
spirits rise and moan...
they don't care, don't love, don't wait, don't hug....like me
why do they get his love....
and not me?

One thing

Oh, i've been trying to let it go
Trying to keep my eyes closed
Trying to keep it just like before....
The times we never even thought to speak
Don't wanna tell you what it is
Oh 'we' it felt so serious.....got me thinking just too much
I wanna set it off, but.....
It's this one thing that's got me trippin
It's this one thing that's got me trippin
You did this one thing my soul may be feeling
It's this one thing you did oh oh
It's this one thing that caught me slippin
It's this one thing I want to admit it
This one thing and I was so with it
It's this one thing you did oh oh
Hey, we still don't know each other well
So what? I keep thinking to myself
Memories just keep ringing bells....
Hear voices I don't want to understand
My car keys are jingling in my hand
My high heels are clicking towards your door....but this one thing stopped me from knocking.

Double

well life's like that...you get some....you lose some....and some just never cross your path......that's what people do to you.....make you feel inane, worthless and stupid....yet at the same time those very same people can make you feel secure, confident and loved in an amazing way........that's something that people do......life's mysteries yet unsolved......why do they respond that way? why can people love and harm?
I saw a painting.....in it was a dark beauty, full of youth.....barefeet walking......the desert behind her...her lips dry, her hair dry, her eyes beautiful black coals shining with an extinguishing light.......yet she keeps on walking......there were thunderclouds behind her.......those clouds are something evil for her.....she may get struck by thunder.....but at the same time those same clouds may quench her thirst.........equivocalism....life's like that.....a two sided coin.

Happy

I can speak about the pain you know
What you say you didn't see
I can show you all my scars you know
The ones I keep inside of me
Would that make it easier
Or would it be the same
Sorry that I could not be
As perfect as you wanted me
Just wondering what's going on in your mind
I sure hope you're fine
I hope your conscience is clear
Hope you're happy....Hope you're smiling....

Confidence

bruise and battered by your words.....things have shattered now it hurts.......there seem to be many paths that I will have to tread to find out your intentions....the truth will always be hidden....your skeletons will be kept quietly.....I should be happy to know you dedicated 'four times a lady' by Craig David to me.....but why are my thoughts directing me to think that the song was not meant for me but for her. She is afterall your dream....

The failure of my heart....just decided not to pump any more blood anymore.....just love and life no more blood and anger......i give up.....the walls are closing me in and there doesn't seem to be any doors or windows to crawl out from.....just remain in this narrow,dank box......forever my bones will remain alone....until my confidence rises.

thanks someone.....for this.....
people can find the worst in themselves and the best in themselves......people can figure out the sadness and the happiness in their lives, to rise above themselves and feel hope that's the strength in people....if you stop hoping noura, you stop living.....so don't stop.

So thank you......for every last bruise you gave me, for everytime i sat in tears, for the million ways you hurt me.....i just wanna say thank you....jannar.... thanks for showing me that there is a life out there waiting for me.....until my confidence rises.

Lose

life is quite interesting when you think about it.....you know that they are hiding things from you......alot of shit underneath the surface.....I was born to try.....that, I know it's not hidden

and well....the ways that people display affection is quite interesting.....they find the stupidest reasons to call or message......they want to hang on longer to find out more.....to love someone is to want to be with that particular person at all times....talk about the person at all times and to dream about that person at all times.......to make up lame excuses and to be continually persistent until that particular person finds out that they are interested.

I used to think it was over
But its only just begun......
I used to feel like a loser
Now i'm having so much fun
I used to cry regularly
Preferred rain to the sun.....
I used to want your approval
Now I know i'm number one!

Seek the path of love and seek the path of patience....if he really did like her then,well, i went out with an asshole.....and if he didn't then,well......i went out with a loser......either way i loose.....

Love complicates

Love its always on way or the other....on side more emotions being spilled then the other....that is the unequality of the situation the unequivocal of sounds mixing into different colours. The imbalance of calculations of relationships.....either the girl or the guy would love each other more...its plain facts of history. A known fact!! After just recently recovering from a relationship where i was not the one being pampered but more of the pamperer and as a girl that totally destroyed me....literally destroyed my ego and every bit of respect i had for myself.....life is unfair and love is an unfair game to play. I put myself on his feet and let him take absolute control over me.....kindda questioning myself why i allowed him to do it?? Why did he have so much control over me?? How did i reduce myself to barely shreds as i gave myself away to him and let soul be opened to the world to view?? The pain that after all i did i wouldn't be the best girl in his books....emotionally it would be Cheri and physically it would be penelope cruz...What a boost to the ego.....he would never research on me how deep he researched about ahem and probably also how deep he researched anything that had to do with her.....hmmm....its like a driving force that encourages me to be someone stronger to me.........and don't ever let down your guards and barriers too early in any relationship....oh see that skin,its the same she's been standing in...since the day she saw him walk away...now she left cleaning up the mess he made....it always ends this way....women are too sentimental....all i wanted was a white knight.....but well love is a complicated thing

~baby hello!oh no!goodbye~

Makeup

well...today was a remarkably good day....so far....i personally do not believe that vanity is food for the worn out soul but well....today changed my perceptive 180 degrees. Not the full circle. What was about today that made it special? not much really....saw the same people.....ate at the same table...saw the same teachers.....but why was it a good day? so far....that is.
Well for the first time i decided from some heavy persuading that i would put on makeup in college and go around strutting myself.....hhehehee!! so that's exactly what i did!! and after putting on eyeliner and lip mosturizer i was ready to show my face to the world, wondering the responses.
I was hoping to meet this particular b-ball player from WMU who never not once glanced my way(mei mei said otherwise)......i was wondering if i had indeed changed.....if i was pretty.....if i was georgeous.....if i was beautiful.....nothing stopped me in my path for experimenting.....so i went.
Everyone i met except for closest pals...hmm.....well everyone i met complimented me on my looks......it was like i had changed into someone new or something....just with the help of a little makeup. Thank Gawd that they did....if not i would have thought i could never be pretty....but is that all it takes....just a dab of eyeliner and a little lipgloss?? A little effort to look good?? Is that all it takes for the compliments to come?? Then what is the meaning of beauty? Making an effort? What is the definition of beauty?
So there i was getting alot of looks from people who yesterday just gave me a passing glance, today.....well let's say it was more than a glance. My friend from class even tried to flirt with me!! AAAHHH!! It's not like i'm ugly....but this simple experiment showed me that its not how i looked that was attracting attention it was how i felt while i was looking like that. After gaining all the compliments the confidence soared!! I swear it was like high above the clouds.......hehhehe!! So what i decided to do was wipe of all the makeup and go back to my old self....not like i'm ugly or something.....just that i looked pale and tired.....Shob's words.....well I'm in pre-university course whattaya expect me to look??
And the cute b-ball player from WMU....i met him today......he smiled at me.....checked me out.....maybe she's born with it.....maybe its a little makeup to boost a little confidence!!Or just a little makeup!!
I was like that.....that girl you'd see and say wow...i finally understand why i feel so disillusioned after Jannar left me......it was because he never got to see the best of me...only the worst.

Mrs Hor i will do it....and i will make it!.....another compliment today!!! I would prove that you were right!!
Thanks to the Lord for allowing me to experience today.....feel like seeing.....nevermind.....

Incomplete

incomplete-the hollowness of the heart, atleast i gained the affections of a love that even time cannot fade....what i need now is a list of accomplishments and i WILL goet that list okay?? i will be the first singaporean to dance under the moonlight at a unknown island i which of course would be owned by me.....i'll have an inn by the sea where all the monkeys and the donkey and the cats can come visit moi! with loads and loads of mnm's on the roofs and mars bars and swiss chocolate lining my fridge which is purely ice i don't believe in electronics.....but i'm using a computer.....im a contradictory FREAK!!! well i HATE HATE HATE smoking...so on my island there will be no one smoking....heheheh!! big dreams huh? well without dreams and a goal where would anyone be in life but a drifter....hmmm....not a bad thing to be i'm guessing. incomplete why issit that's just how i'm feeling today??

Manipulate

never comprehending the mysterious workings of a complicated mind....blind from the glares of popularity and never ending shrieks. fixtures on a bare lightbulb lights my head up....dizziness controlling the anger inside. Spinning with my arm open.....the stiches haven't healed yet....i saw a man with 50 stiches across his chest and i asked him what operation did he do? he said he had a tear on his heart and replaced it with a new one....i got extremely jealous of him for his scars can be seen, unlike mine.
Dolls moving in unison working in the dark abyss of reality tv shows and Raj still hasn't got a girl yet!! :) well guess he's waiting for his first blue pathetic day.
Your curious....you keep on guessing.....yet the emancipation of the facts still i can't understand.
the times when comparisons are meaningless and times when love is even more meaningless.
Patience time will tell.....you will always be my only one....my only one.
Relationships are meant to be broken...what if they are meant to be lost....lost far away drifting through the sands of time....passing faces and trees....i like to count the number of colours each car would have.....each car has a rainbow of colours....why issit some only seem black and yet are full of colours? i found out something today....life is beautiful only if you want it to be. people believe only what they want to believe.....ignorance is bliss

Moon

i learnt something yesterday something that my daddy told me....he watched this show and well this young boy wanted to now about life and asked his kungfu master. teacher what is life??......the teacher replied," life,is like a corridor and the last door is death" then the young boy asked again then what happens after death? the teacher again replies"throw this stone into the murky pond". the boy obeyed and threw the stone into the pond and with a splash it dissapears ,then the teacher said...."now tell me what happened to the stone?", think now what happened to the stone........i know i did......................then the young boy said....the stone is in fresh waters.

the fascination with death has always been a controversial issue....different religions and different races.....their opinions and views coinciding with one another....hmmm....the moon was a full circle and it shone yellow light unto the world....i remembered an experience which was never brought up since i left Australia....

i was at islamic camp in Australia and there was this night where me hanifah,yasmin and sumayyah(i think) were told to navigate our way through the rough Australian Outback....no torches and no lights.....just forests and forests and a compass with no light, except for the moonlight. i remembered walking past a graveyard and the whole graveyard was bathed in moonlight....although most of the girls found it eerie...i know Hanifah was screaming, i thought it was amazingly pretty. A Pretty sight....weird right? but the moon looked its best that night....until i saw the moon last night......i learnt something.....hmmm.....still learning

Ja6na

he's so full of drama tactics...a great friend indeed..helped me countless of times..always at home when i turun sunway..eventhough you made me wait for nearly 2 hrs when u went to Bsar for bfast..whats wrong with our new cafeteria la...not romantic enough with all the new mood setting lights and decor..he wont admit it ..but he really is a Drama king..sneaky and always manipulating ppl or situations in his favour..list goes long..cool guy to go clubbing , golf with..always on the look out for girls eventhough he is going out with someone i think..gonna enrol in flying school soon.that's all.....vignesh kindda sum up in these words exactly what i have been feeling....well....he was out for fun and nothing more than that and i was too stupid to realise that. somedays there are times in between having friends taunt me and listening to Mr Lawrence attack malaysia and hating the world at large......i feel there is this emptiness inside me. this ache that deepens with time, a drift from the people that grow around me. it's weird that life takes people into different doors...some in to Canada, some to New York, some to Langkawi, some to Singapore and some to Perth.....everywhere they disperse like the autumn leaves rustling in the wind. I hope the winds stop blowing and life stays the same.....ja6na is gone...Shab is gone....Saiks is gone...soon i'm going. well somehow i feel that life should be lived with no regrets but i do regret going out with him....i rehelly do....i think he made me feel that i was inferior to everyone around me......but i am not.....maybe i was because i went out with him...but now since its over i know that i am not inferior to anyone....if i was i wouldn't have any friends cause i wouldn't get any respect or care from anyone. But i do.....and i do regret going out with that manipulative bastard....and i wasn't used to get anybody, he really did love me, but i wasn't ready for a relationship that fast and well...i think i idolized him too much that it got into his head.....hmmm.....well live life without regrets....love life with all its tests.....missing you hurting inside....

Great Mockingbird

What have I done?
What if it's too late now?
Did I do all I could, did I?
Did I make it good, did I?
Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Did I think it through, did I?
What if all I want is you?

[chorus]
And now,
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen
And nowI wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it
How would it be?How would it be?How would it be?How would it be?

What have we done?
What if it's too late now?
Was it always like this, was it?
Was it something we missed, was it?
Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Was it all it could be, was it?
Did I give you the best of me?

[chorus]x2 till end

leave my mind

Now I really cannot see,
If you were good for me at all
I wanna say, that everything’s fine,
But it’s not… but it’s not
All the times you made me stay,
I see it all so clear today
And I wish I could Turn back time… turn back time
If I had a choice
I’d leave all behind
If I had a choice
I’d make you leave my mind
Leave my mind
The things you had me do
Everytime you knew I would
I wanna say, that I was aware
But I can’t… but I can’t
All you tried to take away
I see it all so clear today
And I feel like a fool
I let myself down… let myself down
And you begged me to trust you
I wish I never did
And you begged me to trust you
I wish I never did
If I had a choice I’d leave all behind
If I had a choice I’d make you leave my mind
Leave my mind

hakuna matata

ok well i promise never to lie anymore so finish all the work beforehand....and also i promise to give a piggyback ride to the sweet tooth fairy. gosh its a long road today and sneak will find out about the hawaiian trip and well.....who the toot cares about sneaks emotions. i sure don't lar....anyways...i love the world i live on and i love GOD.....and i need to ask Him a favour....please i know you are listening.....i need help to enjoy myself tonight and still have time to finish my work....i have a lot of work to do so please help me please help me....please help me......ok? please.......

Sweets

there was a sweet it was a hard-boiled sweet
the shopkeeper wrapped it up
in a nice plastic colourful wrapper
the shopkeeper put the sweet on display
a child passed by and wanted the colours
the colourful wrapper was all she could think about
night and day the colourful wrapper
nobody bought the sweet and it grew bitter
moss grew around it and it turned sour
the plastic wrapper clung, shrivelling wilting into the sweet
the colour fades off...
the girl became a lady and that lady passed by that same shop
she remembered the sweet she wanted so much
the shop was abandoned, no one inside
a sign at the door stated it was for sale
in the midst of the thick dust in the display stand
she spotted a lightly colured plastic
she saw the same streaks and patterns she dreamt about
smashing the glass with a pebble
the lady retrieved the sweet
once proud and once shiny....now almost dead
but the lady took the sweet and kept it within a dainty pouch
in rememberance of her life.

Get Over It

hanya memuji....hanya hendak dipuji.....hanya membawa harapan dengan tanganku yang luka ini...saya hanya hendak mata kamu melihat saya.....melihat satu kali pun boleh....

You told me on the day that you left me to take real good care of myself.
But it's so hard to do if I can't have you here to hold me when I want nobody else
When Am I Gonna Get Over You
And stop living in the past?
When Am I Gonna Get Over You?
I hope this pain won't last.....
Soon you'll wake me and you'll say I've been dreaming
I'll just have to wait til then.
Until my time here is done then I'll be with you again.
Someday, I may love again but you'll be with me even then.
When Am I Gonna Get Over You....
And stop living in the past?
When Am I Gonna Get Over You?
.You told me on the day that you left me.....that's exactly what i'm forced to do.

Don't tell me...

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know,

Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed,

That I am chosen for this task, apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to suffer, don't tell me how to cry.

My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see,

But I need you, I need your love, unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say,

"My friend, I really do care."

to everyone that has been there for me....i love you but please don't tell me...

Ding Dong

vicky is going down down down!!! ok that's it.....vicky is an arse....vicky is a jerk and most importantly vicky has dongs the size of peanuts and and he just loves having chocolate ice-cream for breakfast and his own made peanut dongs for lunch and for dinner he has his BEstesT BESt BuddieS dongs which in fact are made of dark chocolate......and this 'BUDDY' of his is the king of sneaks...a manipulative Arsehole and a Bigger Jerk head than vicky will ever be(he really has a bigger head).....ok never hated anybodies sooooo much in my LIFE!!!! oh wait yar.....then tttttt......will go and have dinner with vicky....and they have wild passionate....fights together you know like the hens....fighting for each others dongs and the arsehole's dongs and they start eating after that...the dongs...hehehhehehe!! ok i'm getting sick now.....we shall bestow upon these three people the bastards of the world titles.....i think it will suit them...or.......the three bastard-teers....the three bastard-peers!!! hehehhehee!!! funny lar.....okay

P.s. then in the next morning the three Bastard-peers have breakfast biting and eating each others dongs....sickos....read on....



dongs are in fact cookies!!! peanut butter cookies and dark chocolate cookies!!! but i did mean the other parts....hehhehehe!!! and also for the people who are a bit blur Bastard-peers are in exchange for musketeers, y'know the three musketeers??

~vicky is going down,down,down~ ( this has such a sweetness to it...)

Ying Yang Tree

did you know that when a girl falls in love she becomes more like a man and that a man whom is in love will become more feminine? i didn't but it sure makes sense....and well something doesn't make any sense whatsoever but who am i to judge? and why should i judge? better things to do with life....you know i decided that life isn't about worrying about people's problems and dwelling on my own but i should be moving on with MY LIFE!! and if the person is a whiner(me) then layan lar...i mean since i'm a whiner i'd like them friends to layan me so i can layan them too!! when they whine that is....and family matters. lastly but most importantly family matters....not that friends don't matter cause they do.....but family matters too! and i realise that they rule my life....not movies Khat....so don't say anything bout me....and they don't rule my life honey, they influence how i think but my major influence is the Quran now.....kindda scary really when you read the stories...end of the world and stuff like that. I really gotta let go and move on...i forgot half the signs of the day of judgement when i used to have them remembered.....that's really depressing man!! Neways i just wanna say i feel much more feminine now.....hehhehee!! and that i feel like my soul is cut in half.....weird you must say like the ying and the yang.....or two kittens fighting for survival against a baby lion.....why is the lion stronger? can the two kittens overcome the lion? well let me wait and see........the ying yang tree....

Sleuthing

i love the world and i love the trees and i love binoculars......basically i love the earth and of course my super super sleuthing skills.....gosh girls anyone with a crush come to Noura and she will see the details right where they belong!! ok ok!! rocking hard now!!! i love what i did!! and i love you my Creator!! i love this place!!! omigawd!! anyone who needs to research on their worst enemy go to vigneshwaran.com hehehehehehe!! his dad is a defence lawyer....he'll help you!! ok then people have a great life cause im enjoying mine and......well......i rock!!! hehhehee!! j/k!! i absolutely rock!! hehehehhehe!! now i'm NOT joking!!! hehhehehee!! ok enough hehehheheheehehe to last me a lifetime man!! ok noura signing off!! Noura Talib......aka......the super woman with great instinct power and i decided to open a very big secret today....a VERY BIG SECRET!!! ok wait and see how the person takes it......and this one isn't about me!! hehehehe!!! feeling so good.... i knew i would....i been taking care of myself like i should......ok maybe not entirely truthful there....ok enough said tatata!!!
vicky is going down down down~ my new mantra!!

Loose

You don't own me,
I'm not just one of your many toys.....
Don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And when I go out with you,
Don't put me on display,
Don't try to change me in anyway
Don't drag me down cause I'll never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself,
Thats all I ask of you.
I'm young
And I love to be young
I'm free
And I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I feel........
I'm my own woman
And I love to be free
I'm living my life
And I love to be me
So my past now finally
I open the window and gain dignity.
Throw you out and into the bin
Make you rot, a part of my past
You are a closed chapter, never meant to last......
Because you don't own me....and never will.

Joy+Luck

It was once said...'its not that we had no heart or eyes for pain......we were all afraid, we had our miseries but to despair is to wish back for something already lost or to prolong what was already unbearable'
How much can you wish for a babrbie doll house tht got lost in the cargo when you moved houses from singapore to perth? What was worse to sit and wait for death with proper somber faces or to choose our own happiness? A white feather in the midst of darkness....a vase of purple flowers in a grey room....respect, tenderness and honesty that is all i seek....if he did not give it to me then i will leave never returning until he offers it to me with both arms open.
I guess i was brought up with the fact that my heart rules my brain.....desire nothing,swallow other's misery and eat your own happiness.......believe that his love is worth more than mine and then i am unappreciated....gets frustrated....doesn't help when there are snaky, sly friends about.....bitter about their own dispassionate lives and miserable because of the way they should be feeling.....like dark bitter chocolate.....with white sweet chocolate....
I aspire to be like June......strong when others think they are weak, constant belitlling from society.....but nothing can break her, nothing can harm her...that is because she doe not allow it to....and i won't allow it to. i won't allow anything to harm me....nothing except my family.

~Never expect, only hope~

Almost

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I, didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no-doubt-be-there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you build me up
You only let me down
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't

I can't keep on lovin', baby
I can't keep on tryin'
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, babe
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convinced me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll se ya around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count


Brandy..

Over

Now i don't know who i am
He made it easy, made it free
Made me hurt till i couldn't see
Sometimes it stops sometimes it flows
But baby girl, that is how love goes...
It's a secret that no one tells
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell
And it's no fairy tale, take it from me
That's the way it's supposed to be
You laugh, i cry, no one knows why
But oh the thrill of it all
You're on the ride,you might as well open your eyes
If your love could be caged, honey, I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt and those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
the tears and the sadness you gave me when you said goodbye
boy walk on by
make believe that you don't see the tears honey
let me grieve in private cuz each time I see you I just break down and cry
just walk on by

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through so many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when,
I close my eyes and I’m with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain....every time I hear your name
There’s just one heart, where there once was two
But that’s the way it’s gotta be,
‘til I get over you...
Walked through extreme park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
They say that time will dry the tears
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here
When will this river of tears stop falling
Where can I run so I won’t feel alone
Can’t walk away when the pain keeps calling
I’ve just gotta take it from here on my own
But it’s so hard to let go......
Cause there's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
And i dream that you sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And i hear you sing to me the song of the stars
of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again....
So I lay my head back down
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up and I give up
I just want to tell you so you know.....
You are my only one
Made my mistakes,i let you down
Might be a mistake
A mistake I’ve made
But what you gave I was happy to be taking
Cause no one’s ever made me feel
The way I feel when I’m in your arms
They say you’re something I should've done without
They don’t know what goes on
There’s no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you isn’t really something I should do
Shouldn’t wanna spend my time with you
That I should try to be strong
But you’re the right kind of wrong
I should've ran but I just couldn't seem to...

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me....
but the memories....
You and me...
I really feel I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe...
This could be the end
you're letting go and it's real
Well I don't want to know
don't speak,I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining don't tell me because it hurts
don't speak,I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories...
They are inviting but...
Now as we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry
And i remember that I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be alone with you
Guess you never felt that way....

I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again
We both couldn't right?
because for you.....

This love had taken it’s toll on you
I said goodbye too many times before
and my heart is breaking in front of you
But you have no choice cause you won’t say goodbye anymore

You tried your best to feed my appetite
So hard to keep me satisfied....
I kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again.....
this is exactly what you thought right?
but i never felt that way....no i was in love

The first flush of love was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
Because you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I...

But baby now I'm believing that...

Love is only a feeling....drifting away
When I was in your arms I start believing it's here to stay
But love is only a feeling anyway....
But baby....love is only a feeling...anyway


i used to feel that...there's not much going on today.
I'm really bored, it's getting late.
Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
You weren't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
You wouldn't even open up the door.
You never made me feel like I was special.
You wasn't really what I'm looking for.

I think it's time for me to bail.
This point of view is getting stale...

You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be
It's nice to know you were there,
thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

But now i'm taking back my life...
I'm so moving on,
thanks to you now I get what I want
Since you been gone....

You're entitled to your opinion
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to face it willingly
Cause I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
Now i'm feeling so wrong.
Did you see me walking by, did it ever make you cry?
You're my favorite mistake
You are beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster....


I should have known that you brought nothing real
I aint got no more tears to cry and i cant take this no more
no i gotta let it go and you know..you....
set me free
and let me out of that misery,you show'd me the way
to get my life again cause you can't keep up
cant you see?
baby thanks for setting me free.....
how many times have i tried to turn our love around
but every time you just let me down
could you cry just a little for me
Could you cry just a little for me?
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...

I'm better off that way...
I'm better off alone anyway...


You and me
I can see us dying ..are we?

Prisoner

The prison that contained my heart,finally broke its bounds.
My heart would not be broken,
I would not allow it to
For my love for him has changed, its beginning anew.
The misery and despair of the past left my emotional state.
Now my love will have responsibilities and time limits whenever I date.
The time has come for me, to take things into my hands and not leave it to fate
Men will be men they'll never appreciate.
For all the things you do, they'll still love more towards their best girl mate.
Destiny decided I needed to feel, the agony of my lover loving another.
Decided that I didn't... deserve someone better
For I know that if I love again it won't be the same,
I'll have changed,won't be so trusting.
But he'll always love her more...and me less.
why on earth then,did he confess?
I will like him... not love him any longer
It will definitely grant me... less pain and bother.

THE SHADOW

the dark hallways with glints of sunlight
the sun's shining rays casts a path
bodies moving in one direction
stale, sterile and depression.
skirts willowing in the windy breeze
hair flying like the birds
piling thoughts and recalling names
routine, a ritual and very mundane.
as a shadow i will take my flight
amongst them like a butterfly through the branches
as a shadow i will flutter amongst the leaves
as a shadow i fell in love with light
something forbidden even to my sight
as a shadow i remain forgotten in memory
i remain being lost alone
basking in my life when my love arrives and dark and subdued when my love leaves....
a shadow that knows its love would never be right
because shadows are interdicted to love light.

TruSTinG MariAH

I don't want another pretender
To disillusion me one more time
Whispering words of forever
Playing with my mind
I want a lover who knows me
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
When I am lost
You shine a light for me and set me free
When I am low
you wash away my tears
And take me through
The loneliness
And emptiness
Through the darkest night
Somehow I survived
Through it all
When you tell me
I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All I have I want to give to thee
If I should fall
Your love is strong enough to lift me up
If I'm afraid
You chase away my fears and take me to a brighter place
Beyond the rain and I feel alright
Because you're by my side
Through it all
I was afraid
It was all a masquerade
That I was only a plaything and you would leave me behind
But now I feel so secure by your side
Now that I know that you want me for me
I can be what you want i can be what you need
Now that I know that your love is for real
I can finally see this is not make believe anymore

ModerN AgE

You know its true what they say
This age is the time to experiment new mixtures and cross new boundaries.
This age is the time to wreak havoc on everyone and question your values
This age is to fall in love and sacrifice
To murder faith and rebel on rules
This age is to look at night and see plain darkness
And to revel in the glory of never ending confusion
This age is the age to discover, explore and walk in fields of gold
This age is when your beliefs are on auction...at the end they are sold.
This is the age to experience for oneself the trials and tribulations of reality
This is the age...to search for meaning and to try to find...me.
to understand faith and to collect upon squandering poverty
to try to find completion but never really becoming whole
to cry when tears won't wipe themselves away
to sing and laugh, to run around and play
this is the age where good things have to be let loose
and where some just will never start....
this is the time where all your actions influence your future
and your memories remain in the past...
to meet new people who interests you but never get attention back
to look into the mirror and cry...questioning all the while
this is the time to laugh a million times...
cry two million times....
and open your eyes to realisation...for the first time.

tommorrow

tommorrow is a new day
fresh as dew, clean as may
once the sadness passes over me
i know i'll be able to see

time changes everything, surrounding turn to stone
Nature and everything green want to be left alone
but cars they will make, and buildings they will form
and life here will continue move on

a bell just rung, the maids are moving
the stopwatch has paused the bells are ringing
alarm has struck and panic is reigning
whenever it rains it'll continue pouring

suddenly it stopped all things stop moving
my room was still, the atoms as well
for there is silence before and after a storm....

i went through the thunder, fought through the war
but in the end i didn't get what i was fighting for

tommorrow will be a new day
and the film and pictures will play
life, i will keep on riding its saddle
but i won't be waiting drenched in my puddle
For Reality pulled me from it
and i am learning to live independently for me.....

tommorrow will be a fresh new day
why tonight, i see the new buds of may?

DISMISSED

Can you keep up?
Baby boy, make me lose my breath
Running fast, make me lose my breath
You act so duh, make me lose my...
OOOh I put it right there, made it easy for you to get to
Now you wanna act like ya don't know what to do
After I done everything that you asked me
Grabbed you, grind you, liked you, tried you
Moved so fast baby now I can't find you
OOOh I'm startin' to believe that I'm way too much for you
All that talk but it seems like it can't come through
All them lies like you could satisfy me,
Now I see where believing you got me
Gave you the wheel, but you can't drive me
OOOh Two things I don't like when I tryin' to get my groove
Is a partna that meets me only half way and just can't prove
Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim
Need a lifeguard and I need protection
So put it on me deep in the right direction
OOOh You understand the facts that I'm tryin' to give to you
You movin' so slow like you just don't have a clue
Didn't mama teach you to give affection?
You're the difference of a man and an adolescent
It ain you boo, so get tha steppin'
If you can't make me say
OOOLike the beat of this drum
Why you ask for some and you really want none
If you can't make me say
OOOLike the beat of this groove
You don't have no business in this here's your papers
Baby you are dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed

ManneQuinS

there is a guy passing by a shop with different colour shirts hanging for display in the window of the clothes shop.......i am the mannequin dressed up nicely in a yellow shirt and brown pants all ready to be bought and taken away..........
im waiting...on display...he's pondering whether to buy the shirt im wearing or not... he wants to try the suit first see how it fits....how it clicks....will it look good on him or not.....now me.
me....saw a top i like while window shopping....didn't have enough money to buy it....don't understand? let's just say i don't want to try the suit just want to buy it immediately...but i can't afford it....i'll have to patiently wait for my pay or allowance to save up to buy that beautiful top...while saving i see if i want the suit or not......i'm desperately trying to buy it...but i MUST wait....
now i'm sick and tired of waiting for the top....and its novelty has worn off...somehow its still on display but not really meant for me now....soon the fashion will change and it will be taken off the mannequin, there goes my lost top.....my dream dissapearing to the box neatly stored up in the attic of the shop......
we all know hearts can change....nothing lasts forever in the cold november rain. but would i regret not buying the top? sadly the answer is a yes....i will still wish it was mine.
understand?

hearing the dim voices of people behind barred doors i understand their pain,the torment the have to face while being chained....someday people may stop and think....someday they will realise that all their fantastical dreams of superiority will fade away and that love is lost along the path travelled....people will continue to torture and hurt the little princess and she will still not realise what truth is in their words and what falseness is in her eyes....being a hypocrite means that you deserve hypocrisy from others....i believe that being a hypocrite means that you deserve the truthful tale of uncountable offences towards others.....learn a lesson.....look deep inside.....and try to change petite sly witch....i understand the pain you face but i don't want to help....because when i cried your shoulder was not there to lean on.....

Pulangkan

sometimes you wonder about what you did wrong...how you can change yourself...sometimes it's a sin from God when you find out different types of crap all at the same time...like today...i know im going to cry...i know it but do i care? not really....i mean for me i think the world is ending...the signs have all shown it...just me and my lonely thoughts....but really what did i do wrong?
somehow you feel that there really must be something wrong with the way your life is planned and it has nothing to do with who you are just everyone around you are just....well plainly just trying their best to screw your life up...make your day worst than it already is....having a law test in thirty minutes and i already know that im gonna have to make hommous for Oon Yow..i wish it was humus......see? im all ready to tear at my skin just like the people suffering from smallpox...ok well this a beautiful malay song dedicated to Banana....let's just say he's been hanging on my thoughts and its annoying me....
Pulangkan cinta hatiku
Oh pulangkan oh pulangkanlah padaku
Kupulangkan resah hidupmu
Yang dikau musnah tanpa relaku
Bebaskanlah maafkan daku oh kasih
Tiada kemaafan di sini
Kau ragut degupan hatiku ini
Akan ku jejakimu ke mana jua
Hingga ke akhir masa sayang......

im not a stalker....i just wish somehow i could annoy him as much as he annoys me....ARGH!!

pond

summertime and the rythm is churning
maybe its mine...but somehow im fuming
the past should be left for the past
my last should remain my last
so how can i move on ahead?
its sideways im moving instead
love can make you drown
i feel almost suffocated
so why did you make me wait...
waiting by the side...praying and hoping
all i know is that i didn't make it....
im already dead.
sorry you were to late....

Souls APart

travelling down a well worn path...turning my head around. where do i turn? where do i go? Up? down? Left? right?
there you are! i smile joyfully that i'd seen you....but you gaze at me with a distance, a void seen through you eyes. A tense silence...a foot stands between our bodies. How do you feel with so much passion? cry at regular intervals? write such philosophical lame thoughts down? i know who you are....i feel your pain, i feel your happiness, your laughter and your tears...and you know about mine too.
i taste your lips, hug your pillow at night, gaze up to see that stars that shine for you and you alone, i poke your eyeballs and your adipose cells on your stomach....i look at your mirror and i just stare.
i know your sad frustrating tales, your joyful happy stories and your amazing friends and family. i know you. i know where you live, where you eat, what is your handphone number, your whiny depressed self and your hyper happy one......
i am travelling the well worn path to college....don't know where to turn cause i lost sight of you.....where do i go? forward? or Backwards? oh there you are! my day is complete....we melt into one.......
i am your body and you are my soul....i make your half and you make mine.
Noura i love you, i hope you love me too
written by Noura....

Stories

you believe all their lies and hypocritical illusions
you gloat due to untruths and false assumptions
your pride doth need to be brought to safe ground
for it will float too high to be seen or found
people gossip and tell you i like you alot
somehow,i dunno if i should laugh or not
but you didn't laugh you believed their tricks and deceptions
you never once thought of my feelings, my emotions
when i seek for friendship with a well meaning heart
all you wish is for me to be apart.

p.s. this is also inspiration....my lovelife is quite the dead.

dripping water

the tap dripping slowly...drip by drip...leaving it like that for a few days,weeks, months...the tap could hydrate 100 of the babies who are victims of the tsunami.
why are some people filthy rich that they can afford to cloth themselves in silk garment worth a hundred pounds but still manage to turn a blind eye to the victims of the tsunami....not all...but most.
my recent trip to Surabaya for a cousins wedding really opened my eyes to the suffering of the poor...but sadly all i can do now is donate and study.....donate and study....feeling all helpless...maybe my money wouldn't reach the homeless....who knows?
why are white people treated like lords from Kingdom Kong and pariahs treated like dirt? why do people with money always get better treatment than those without? isn't money just another piece of paper printed with this ink with the smell that i love.(love the smell of money!)
why is there such a thing as royalty? and how can 56,565,700 people can be so dumb as to appoint George Bush as their leader....AGAIN? There are billions of questions to ask....i think i finallly understand it all.....i think i can finally comprehend dripping water.

Noura's Wonderful Theory:
Lives are ruled by the unwritten laws created from society and the self-imposed rulebook called conscience. I awaken from my sweet comfortable slumber, awake enough to swim against the currents of life that many people float along ignorantly....
There i see my grandmother, my mother, sisters, aunties.....why can't i follow their lead? why am i forcing my tired body to swim in the opposite direction? because i know something and i remind myself about it everyday...i have learnt to love life everyday due to this knowledge.
Some people don't care about it, most fear it, a minority want to experience it. But whatever the name...the Grim Reaper, Heaven or Hell...whatever it's called whatever the reactions are when mentioned...many cry....many laugh...too old to be afraid.
i call it death and i finally comprehend dripping water.

for whatever the cause, intentions and beliefs that are experienced through lifes and the many stupid questions i will continue to ask due to my poor inability to research for myself...and install into my little cute brain. whatever happens, pain, joy, laughter,tears,richer,poorer, handsome,ugly,bright,dark........whatever happens...'that's life' and society will never change no matter how many feminists there are in the world, no matter how many vegetarians in the world, no matter how many Mother Theresa's there are....of course it will make a little difference but think about it....which date are you gonna remember....9/11 or 12/26? many people forgot the day of the tsunami attacks and when USA occupy the iraqi territory. i dunno...do you? i ask alot of ignorant teenagers do you remember when iraq was bombed....guess what they replied....." i dunno".....then i ask when was the day the twin towers got hit and...in a heartbeat..."9/11 lah!"
i still think society wouldn't change and thats my theory....have faith...practice faith and believe in yourself....remember that one day we will all turn to dust....step boldly up to this judgemental, hypocritical,inane world we call home. didn't the tsunami create any impact?

sadly i decide that dripping water will continue dripping and im tired of thinking and swimming by myself....i float away...in the current i will stay...remembering that one day..i will die and go wherever He wants me too.

Sunburnt

Life brings you to this kind of pitforks where in order to choose you would have to break your own heart.
That’s where I am right now… in order to choose I have to break the very essence that made me.
I have to go against the tides and ego for love, true love I thought, boy was I wrong.
Why do some people change your life in a way never thought possible… they come they conquered and then left.
They took control of your emotions and your thoughts…made you loose your appetite and made you weak.
Then they decide to move on with life and you are lost in the sea of their life…floating ashore, a sun burnt log a drifting in that vast body of never ending water.
My heart is breaking, with every word I'm saying…I gave up everything I had on something that I thought would last…
In order to get the rainbow you have to go through the rain…in order to get Mr. Perfect I have to go through the bad eggs of men.
Too bad for women my own age…they are so tired of wasting time on someone that never treats them the way they should be treated.
So now I am riding solo on this quest of life spending time now for me and not for anybody else…living my life for who I am…asking questions and not caring about the consequences.
I don't want to know if faith and destiny will permit you to move forward…or if you are playing me…but I am not a game of soccer and I deserve better.
Goodbye to you and to all mankind for now..
Life brought me to those pitforks but I made up my mind and I decided to move onwards…moving ahead…its best for me…for you to leave.

p.s.based on inspiration