Little Thoughts

Well....life's gotta go on.....I don't think i'm up to doing speech therapy anymore. I mean so many other courses to choose from....why speech therapy?? Well ya, get to work with disturbed children and get to touch tongues all day....and there is a short course on psychology included in the course, I would leave not only as a speech pathologist but also as a reader of the human being. How can someone read a person? I mean...isn't that weird having a shrink look at you and analze you and your emotions? How can someone know who you are inside and out through text books and experiments? That's just plain freaky.... I don't think anybody knows me well enough....cause if they do they would probably start running away to an undisclosed location so I won't be able to scare them there.....hehehhee!! No really there is this complicated side of me even I haven't fully comprehended, this sadistic, psychotic and well undescribable side.....some may call it immaturity cause when that side starts talking they all go...."Noura grow up"....well I dunno what the scientists would name it but it's called something like 'instinct'.

Somedays when the time passes you by and you mix with forty five different people there is this gut wrenching feeling that makes the mind instantly judge the people you're with....
I have came to realize that people are an amazing species and they all have their different and uniqueness....some you feel utterly comfortable with, even at first meetings, some you just will never let down your guard.
Why do some people tell these little thoughts out loud? They scare people away.....maybe people just don't like to hear the truth, well face it, its reality.....I know that things which are not nice to hear aren't all that bad....it makes you realise your mistakes and nobody's perfect, they might have problem's with their parents, some with their marks, others just have problems making friends....these are just the few little thoughts that run through the mind....why? Why? WHY? Why are they like that? Why don't they have any friends....and we all just come up with our own version of the tale. Assuming and prying, everyone is curious.....well just that people who mention anything about it well they would be warned at....well i guess going against the norms would make that happen.....Well i have heard some weird things that this little brain has been telling mebut well, as long as all those little thoughts that pop out of my head stay in my head and don't escape through my mouth, I reckon I'll probably keep some great friends around me....

But now I'm still confused if I should do speech therapy or not....hmm.....little thoughts, dirty little elvish ghoulish things swimming in the murky warm pools of your creative mind....

Lovebird

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with two glossy, colourful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly freely in the sky, bringing joy to whoever that saw him.

One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two traveled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird. But then she thought: "He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy at the bird's ability to fly. And she felt alone.

So she thought: "I'm going to set a trap, the next time the bird appears, he will never leave again". The bird that was also in love returned the following day fell into the trap and was put in a cage.

She looked at the bird every day, there he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends who said: " Now you have everything you could possibly want." However a strange transformation had taken place now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss, he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention except by feeding him and cleaning put his cage.

One day the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking of him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him fly for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.

If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
-Paulo Coelho-

Affair

You used to be a friend of mine
But I was so wrong
My heart told me reality was filled with lies
and yet it was truth all along.
You used to hold me
Watch me cry....
And I couldn't breathe
Because your love was there...through the night

Now I want the days to leave...
Your eyes burned with scarred tears
Of the pain I caused
But now I see that it was your fears
Of me discovering my loss.....

I lost to you my sacred friend
You stole the heart away
And yes I'll hate you to the very end
As now I sit and pray......

Pray that life would steal my pain
Pray that he'll come back again
Pray this nightmare can't be seen
Pray that I'm still living my dream

But the past has left
And the present is loneliness
For the knife cuts my chest
And my heart came out with it.....

So sad the toys that never brought smiles
So bad the boys that make you cry
but I thought you were different
I thought you wouldn't hurt me
But this hurt cuts deeply
and it can't be fixed with a sorry.

Your calls don't get answered....
Your joys won't be fully endured
You will torture your soul into sadness
for you have lost all happiness....
The day you betrayed me
The day the eyes saw selfish desires only
The day lust broke our friendship into two
Oh Jealousy, I hate you.