TruSTinG MariAH

I don't want another pretender
To disillusion me one more time
Whispering words of forever
Playing with my mind
I want a lover who knows me
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
When I am lost
You shine a light for me and set me free
When I am low
you wash away my tears
And take me through
The loneliness
And emptiness
Through the darkest night
Somehow I survived
Through it all
When you tell me
I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All I have I want to give to thee
If I should fall
Your love is strong enough to lift me up
If I'm afraid
You chase away my fears and take me to a brighter place
Beyond the rain and I feel alright
Because you're by my side
Through it all
I was afraid
It was all a masquerade
That I was only a plaything and you would leave me behind
But now I feel so secure by your side
Now that I know that you want me for me
I can be what you want i can be what you need
Now that I know that your love is for real
I can finally see this is not make believe anymore

ModerN AgE

You know its true what they say
This age is the time to experiment new mixtures and cross new boundaries.
This age is the time to wreak havoc on everyone and question your values
This age is to fall in love and sacrifice
To murder faith and rebel on rules
This age is to look at night and see plain darkness
And to revel in the glory of never ending confusion
This age is the age to discover, explore and walk in fields of gold
This age is when your beliefs are on auction...at the end they are sold.
This is the age to experience for oneself the trials and tribulations of reality
This is the age...to search for meaning and to try to find...me.
to understand faith and to collect upon squandering poverty
to try to find completion but never really becoming whole
to cry when tears won't wipe themselves away
to sing and laugh, to run around and play
this is the age where good things have to be let loose
and where some just will never start....
this is the time where all your actions influence your future
and your memories remain in the past...
to meet new people who interests you but never get attention back
to look into the mirror and cry...questioning all the while
this is the time to laugh a million times...
cry two million times....
and open your eyes to realisation...for the first time.

tommorrow

tommorrow is a new day
fresh as dew, clean as may
once the sadness passes over me
i know i'll be able to see

time changes everything, surrounding turn to stone
Nature and everything green want to be left alone
but cars they will make, and buildings they will form
and life here will continue move on

a bell just rung, the maids are moving
the stopwatch has paused the bells are ringing
alarm has struck and panic is reigning
whenever it rains it'll continue pouring

suddenly it stopped all things stop moving
my room was still, the atoms as well
for there is silence before and after a storm....

i went through the thunder, fought through the war
but in the end i didn't get what i was fighting for

tommorrow will be a new day
and the film and pictures will play
life, i will keep on riding its saddle
but i won't be waiting drenched in my puddle
For Reality pulled me from it
and i am learning to live independently for me.....

tommorrow will be a fresh new day
why tonight, i see the new buds of may?

DISMISSED

Can you keep up?
Baby boy, make me lose my breath
Running fast, make me lose my breath
You act so duh, make me lose my...
OOOh I put it right there, made it easy for you to get to
Now you wanna act like ya don't know what to do
After I done everything that you asked me
Grabbed you, grind you, liked you, tried you
Moved so fast baby now I can't find you
OOOh I'm startin' to believe that I'm way too much for you
All that talk but it seems like it can't come through
All them lies like you could satisfy me,
Now I see where believing you got me
Gave you the wheel, but you can't drive me
OOOh Two things I don't like when I tryin' to get my groove
Is a partna that meets me only half way and just can't prove
Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim
Need a lifeguard and I need protection
So put it on me deep in the right direction
OOOh You understand the facts that I'm tryin' to give to you
You movin' so slow like you just don't have a clue
Didn't mama teach you to give affection?
You're the difference of a man and an adolescent
It ain you boo, so get tha steppin'
If you can't make me say
OOOLike the beat of this drum
Why you ask for some and you really want none
If you can't make me say
OOOLike the beat of this groove
You don't have no business in this here's your papers
Baby you are dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed

ManneQuinS

there is a guy passing by a shop with different colour shirts hanging for display in the window of the clothes shop.......i am the mannequin dressed up nicely in a yellow shirt and brown pants all ready to be bought and taken away..........
im waiting...on display...he's pondering whether to buy the shirt im wearing or not... he wants to try the suit first see how it fits....how it clicks....will it look good on him or not.....now me.
me....saw a top i like while window shopping....didn't have enough money to buy it....don't understand? let's just say i don't want to try the suit just want to buy it immediately...but i can't afford it....i'll have to patiently wait for my pay or allowance to save up to buy that beautiful top...while saving i see if i want the suit or not......i'm desperately trying to buy it...but i MUST wait....
now i'm sick and tired of waiting for the top....and its novelty has worn off...somehow its still on display but not really meant for me now....soon the fashion will change and it will be taken off the mannequin, there goes my lost top.....my dream dissapearing to the box neatly stored up in the attic of the shop......
we all know hearts can change....nothing lasts forever in the cold november rain. but would i regret not buying the top? sadly the answer is a yes....i will still wish it was mine.
understand?

hearing the dim voices of people behind barred doors i understand their pain,the torment the have to face while being chained....someday people may stop and think....someday they will realise that all their fantastical dreams of superiority will fade away and that love is lost along the path travelled....people will continue to torture and hurt the little princess and she will still not realise what truth is in their words and what falseness is in her eyes....being a hypocrite means that you deserve hypocrisy from others....i believe that being a hypocrite means that you deserve the truthful tale of uncountable offences towards others.....learn a lesson.....look deep inside.....and try to change petite sly witch....i understand the pain you face but i don't want to help....because when i cried your shoulder was not there to lean on.....

Pulangkan

sometimes you wonder about what you did wrong...how you can change yourself...sometimes it's a sin from God when you find out different types of crap all at the same time...like today...i know im going to cry...i know it but do i care? not really....i mean for me i think the world is ending...the signs have all shown it...just me and my lonely thoughts....but really what did i do wrong?
somehow you feel that there really must be something wrong with the way your life is planned and it has nothing to do with who you are just everyone around you are just....well plainly just trying their best to screw your life up...make your day worst than it already is....having a law test in thirty minutes and i already know that im gonna have to make hommous for Oon Yow..i wish it was humus......see? im all ready to tear at my skin just like the people suffering from smallpox...ok well this a beautiful malay song dedicated to Banana....let's just say he's been hanging on my thoughts and its annoying me....
Pulangkan cinta hatiku
Oh pulangkan oh pulangkanlah padaku
Kupulangkan resah hidupmu
Yang dikau musnah tanpa relaku
Bebaskanlah maafkan daku oh kasih
Tiada kemaafan di sini
Kau ragut degupan hatiku ini
Akan ku jejakimu ke mana jua
Hingga ke akhir masa sayang......

im not a stalker....i just wish somehow i could annoy him as much as he annoys me....ARGH!!

pond

summertime and the rythm is churning
maybe its mine...but somehow im fuming
the past should be left for the past
my last should remain my last
so how can i move on ahead?
its sideways im moving instead
love can make you drown
i feel almost suffocated
so why did you make me wait...
waiting by the side...praying and hoping
all i know is that i didn't make it....
im already dead.
sorry you were to late....

Souls APart

travelling down a well worn path...turning my head around. where do i turn? where do i go? Up? down? Left? right?
there you are! i smile joyfully that i'd seen you....but you gaze at me with a distance, a void seen through you eyes. A tense silence...a foot stands between our bodies. How do you feel with so much passion? cry at regular intervals? write such philosophical lame thoughts down? i know who you are....i feel your pain, i feel your happiness, your laughter and your tears...and you know about mine too.
i taste your lips, hug your pillow at night, gaze up to see that stars that shine for you and you alone, i poke your eyeballs and your adipose cells on your stomach....i look at your mirror and i just stare.
i know your sad frustrating tales, your joyful happy stories and your amazing friends and family. i know you. i know where you live, where you eat, what is your handphone number, your whiny depressed self and your hyper happy one......
i am travelling the well worn path to college....don't know where to turn cause i lost sight of you.....where do i go? forward? or Backwards? oh there you are! my day is complete....we melt into one.......
i am your body and you are my soul....i make your half and you make mine.
Noura i love you, i hope you love me too
written by Noura....

Stories

you believe all their lies and hypocritical illusions
you gloat due to untruths and false assumptions
your pride doth need to be brought to safe ground
for it will float too high to be seen or found
people gossip and tell you i like you alot
somehow,i dunno if i should laugh or not
but you didn't laugh you believed their tricks and deceptions
you never once thought of my feelings, my emotions
when i seek for friendship with a well meaning heart
all you wish is for me to be apart.

p.s. this is also inspiration....my lovelife is quite the dead.

dripping water

the tap dripping slowly...drip by drip...leaving it like that for a few days,weeks, months...the tap could hydrate 100 of the babies who are victims of the tsunami.
why are some people filthy rich that they can afford to cloth themselves in silk garment worth a hundred pounds but still manage to turn a blind eye to the victims of the tsunami....not all...but most.
my recent trip to Surabaya for a cousins wedding really opened my eyes to the suffering of the poor...but sadly all i can do now is donate and study.....donate and study....feeling all helpless...maybe my money wouldn't reach the homeless....who knows?
why are white people treated like lords from Kingdom Kong and pariahs treated like dirt? why do people with money always get better treatment than those without? isn't money just another piece of paper printed with this ink with the smell that i love.(love the smell of money!)
why is there such a thing as royalty? and how can 56,565,700 people can be so dumb as to appoint George Bush as their leader....AGAIN? There are billions of questions to ask....i think i finallly understand it all.....i think i can finally comprehend dripping water.

Noura's Wonderful Theory:
Lives are ruled by the unwritten laws created from society and the self-imposed rulebook called conscience. I awaken from my sweet comfortable slumber, awake enough to swim against the currents of life that many people float along ignorantly....
There i see my grandmother, my mother, sisters, aunties.....why can't i follow their lead? why am i forcing my tired body to swim in the opposite direction? because i know something and i remind myself about it everyday...i have learnt to love life everyday due to this knowledge.
Some people don't care about it, most fear it, a minority want to experience it. But whatever the name...the Grim Reaper, Heaven or Hell...whatever it's called whatever the reactions are when mentioned...many cry....many laugh...too old to be afraid.
i call it death and i finally comprehend dripping water.

for whatever the cause, intentions and beliefs that are experienced through lifes and the many stupid questions i will continue to ask due to my poor inability to research for myself...and install into my little cute brain. whatever happens, pain, joy, laughter,tears,richer,poorer, handsome,ugly,bright,dark........whatever happens...'that's life' and society will never change no matter how many feminists there are in the world, no matter how many vegetarians in the world, no matter how many Mother Theresa's there are....of course it will make a little difference but think about it....which date are you gonna remember....9/11 or 12/26? many people forgot the day of the tsunami attacks and when USA occupy the iraqi territory. i dunno...do you? i ask alot of ignorant teenagers do you remember when iraq was bombed....guess what they replied....." i dunno".....then i ask when was the day the twin towers got hit and...in a heartbeat..."9/11 lah!"
i still think society wouldn't change and thats my theory....have faith...practice faith and believe in yourself....remember that one day we will all turn to dust....step boldly up to this judgemental, hypocritical,inane world we call home. didn't the tsunami create any impact?

sadly i decide that dripping water will continue dripping and im tired of thinking and swimming by myself....i float away...in the current i will stay...remembering that one day..i will die and go wherever He wants me too.

Sunburnt

Life brings you to this kind of pitforks where in order to choose you would have to break your own heart.
That’s where I am right now… in order to choose I have to break the very essence that made me.
I have to go against the tides and ego for love, true love I thought, boy was I wrong.
Why do some people change your life in a way never thought possible… they come they conquered and then left.
They took control of your emotions and your thoughts…made you loose your appetite and made you weak.
Then they decide to move on with life and you are lost in the sea of their life…floating ashore, a sun burnt log a drifting in that vast body of never ending water.
My heart is breaking, with every word I'm saying…I gave up everything I had on something that I thought would last…
In order to get the rainbow you have to go through the rain…in order to get Mr. Perfect I have to go through the bad eggs of men.
Too bad for women my own age…they are so tired of wasting time on someone that never treats them the way they should be treated.
So now I am riding solo on this quest of life spending time now for me and not for anybody else…living my life for who I am…asking questions and not caring about the consequences.
I don't want to know if faith and destiny will permit you to move forward…or if you are playing me…but I am not a game of soccer and I deserve better.
Goodbye to you and to all mankind for now..
Life brought me to those pitforks but I made up my mind and I decided to move onwards…moving ahead…its best for me…for you to leave.

p.s.based on inspiration

B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Im seventeen! Sweet seventeen! Haven’t sunk in yet that im already seventeen! I CAN DRIVE! Weehooo!! But of course parents won’t allow me to get my license till I die of old age coz their beloved youngest daughter cannot drive on the treacherous streets of kuala lumpur….gosh I am still in my little bubble with no news from the outside world….in normal terms…no new experiences….no pain…nothing..just boring old routines repeated normally…wait let me start talking bout my birthday, now that was something different! Thanks a bunch to my fave gals in the world and my family too!
Day before….had tomyam with mom at fave thai restaurant and at night elder sisters friends came over and cut Cake no.1
During the day….happy that I am one year older….reminising on things that happened since my last birthday….then feeling so depressed with myself coz I am not celebrating this year and have to study…..then went to Khat’s house for hari raya open house….stayed there until seven….stupid girl should get an oscar nominee for her stellar performance….she actually made me stay there until seven when I wanted to go back at five! Then went back home……..KABOOM! SURPRISE!
Four of my bestest friends were in my house with a candle lit cake!(cake no.2) OmiGAWD! It was amazing!!! I never thought they’d do that!! It was AMAZING!! And duh! Stupid sappy me had to CRY! Its like my tear glands just keep on secreting this fluid and it never stops…..but well im emotional! We all went for dinner at pizza hut…since it was a Sunday couldn’t go clubbing……but we did a crazy thing….well a secret crazy thing!! But it was F-U-N!!! neways that is definetely a birthday to remember! I learnt a lot during that night…….it pays to study….and if you want the rainbow you gotta go through the rain….or sometimes when you least expects it the rainbow shines in front of you….a revelation from the Creator….
In life you get many blessings and well one of the blessings I have been given are amazing friends and an amazing family! That was a blessed day to remember.
I love you peeps and will never forget you no matter how long…..my birthday…21st november 2004….forever inscribe in my memory….

Challenge boredom

Okay I know I said obbsession is over….well it is over and my new phase of singledom has finally kicked in……ok….here goes nothing……
African Gollum likes me I said no
Mr bean indian version likes me I said no
Salman khan wannabe likes me….never asks me out
Will say no…
When will I ever say yes?
Ronaldo is out of my life and I have to get over it….just watched that movie get over it….quite funny….
Read hard love…..really read hard love…..didn’t cry….i don’t see why saiks likes that book? Probably never read a classic yet….Classics are AMAZ+ING!
Tinmans’ off in a world of he's own
Yellow, pondering in mysterious ways
Waiting for a ride in a BMW
Making funny noises by the side of the road…
Taking a chance on absolute oxygen
Tailoring cloths to strap around my fats
Watched princess diaries two and cried again…..want to read nicola and the viscount….and ‘hes just not THAT into you’
Reading sophie’s world and car mags, dun ask why…….very bored and tired….mundane pitifying lifestyle I lead…..today....
Going to change all that….have a plan for the holidays….after I come back from indonesia that is.

Loving life….loving wife….no life without wife….gosh who could create such a no brainer?

Chi chor….hi hor….mrs hor….who am I?
I am a contradictory, ambiguous, assuming, prying, discovering, smiling work of art created by the hands of the Almighty…to plague…or is that plaque? plague…the world with the infectious vir=us of laughter and smiles…..to contradict myself and make those around me get annoyed….make funny sounds and I snore too! So I make funny sounds during my slumber and when awake….
you don’t wanna know me….
im weird….
But then again………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
………………………..……….who isn’t?

First stage over I hope…dun wanna cry no more….i wanna be somebody else….no my boo and no broken….no more sad songs….im outta love and im not in love……no more tears left….first stage officially over. think bout the fakir and the towel….and of course the yellow.

P.S.And if Khat, Neha, Shab,Shaz is reading this for some absurd reason…..my life is boring today didn't do anything lar! Thanks a lot for having no plans lar! and in true muralli style...thanks lar just thanks!

ObbeSIONs IS oVER!!!

its finally OVER! okay okay okay! no more OBsessions with the yellow jeep and NO MORE obsessions over ANYTHING ELSE! feeling very very happy right now......came up to that phase in life where all this #h!% doesn't matter anymore....i am happy being single. its just that you have those days when you look into the mirror and ask yourself what is wrong with me? what am i lacking? and now its just that i am in a cool state of being....no more hurrying...no more pretending.....can make my own decisions without asking no one.....Gosh it feels good! But i didn't pray yet! very very very scared ok gonna pray now....let me play you a song my diary.......
Kasihku
Sampai disini
kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karena kita berbeda....
Dengarkan
Dengarkan lagu.....lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita berakhir di November ni
Selamat tinggal kisah sejatiku....pergilah

MusiC

you know what? hehehhee! you are sooo beautiful to meeeeee....CANT you SEE??????????????
okay hyper mood! wrong time to write in blog......actually perfect time....okay one two threeeeee
weeeee!!! i like khat, i like khat, i like khat, she work it bad! Mere tum see pyar nehaaaaaaa....janna janna banana! temteremterem...poink poink poink...........juggle juggle....gargle...gargle...gargoyle!! i miss the cartoon! hehehhehe! CAPTAIN planet HES MY heroooooo....going to save the world....THE POWEr curry puff girls!! TAn teretan TERE tan...tere TAN tereTAN teRe TaN tan tan tan TEre tan tere TAN!! i LOOOOve orlanDO blOOm! okay wait....oh shabby! i am gooing cuckoo!!! SHAb-barin-a OR ELmo! oh welcome to the seSAme Street!!!! and i Love YOu you love me! we are a HAppy family!!! tear tear...Sniff SNiff! OH now its Soo Depressing....Your'e bringing on the saiks leggggg...bringing on the saiks leeeeggggg....hehheheee! and MOve Shaz's BOdy every Every Cheer heeerrr!! Move It hottie! gosh peopleee no speakyyy? and lastly aaliyah's favourite.....YAs's purrrfect now..Just do your thang...We'll C how it goes...ohhh!! you Cannot ask and TRy again I will say no If you trY again! shake that thang ms...neha anna...shake that thing ms....neha anna!! weeeeee!!! oh hahhahaha! wait this is dedicated to all the dudes in college! Its just!...ah...a little Khat! everytime shE comes....oh she sooo Rad! Its Just...ah...SomeLittle..Khat...CoZ she LookS like a Babe And sHE is Noeet BAd! huM lokoko>> samma SAKOtor>>shabrina>>suka BryanI>>WHich Brings ME too thee QUestion..>> hey KenapA Churi..curi? hehhehehe! sooo HIGHHHH!!! and I'm TAkiNG My owN chANceS...FiNding My OWn answerS..I'm OnlY answERing To meeeeee!!! weeee hoooo!!

Sweep

Sweet summer breeze mounting its saddle in my hair
Lilac flowers, Tulip flowers and Roses everywhere
Sadness steriled,misery,despair...
take the sweet sentiments and make them dissapear
Love is a story told by a fool
For he who knows love not..knows what is true
Splitting of homes, the crash of porcelain
Spinning in a room, feeling depressed, superior, inane
Time has its goals and time its own master
Life churns out surprises one after the other
Today no rain, tommorrow will pour
The wheat that still grows, will stand tall and strong
The failures will die and return to where they belong
Smiles that look caring and kind is hiding the lies
Time will tell
Love that is shown in life, a man jumps over a cliff
Feeling 'piak' like a lizard on a windscreen
People take steps on your heart...or get wedged in between
Some just love a message, they feel the earth is clean
Sweet summer breeze
Comes and goes....
Where will i stand tommorrow?
How will i ever know?

Breakaway

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray,I would pray
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and
I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And Breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away......
breakaway.......
the future is the future and the past is the past...what i need for my future my past cannot give....this place will open doors for me and i longingly wait upon the day i will be free.......and
Breakaway.....

Invisible strings

I can't take it anymore,
I can't fake it anymore
Why do people feel i am immature?
Maybe i am, maybe i am young
Maybe i need to learn the ways of the unsure.

When will my laughing cease
And worrying increase?
Sadly the world feels i am not old enough...
Lines wrinkling on their faces while mine is a baby's
Their lips curl up in disdain, hate
They think they have experience, proud to know the world
All i want to do is be me....a girly girl

Why can't no one love me anymore?
I used to be proud and feel i am old
But one painful experience will make u see a deeper story that's being told...

I was a hyped up wannabe
I can't fake it anymore
I want to smile with no tainted record
I can't take it anymore
They laugh up front.....and bite behind
I wish my mouth was pure
Just wish i could be blind.....

Take back the sins...i know i have made

Let me be free
Let me be...........me.

Quest

sometimes the answers are right in front of you....obvious....but then the mist blocks up the answers...and you can't see......but the truth is.... the answers are deep within me.......
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long.......
this emotion,attraction, the need to be a we..........it won't last.
time will tell.