Vanity Fair

i once thought vanity fair as only a book....stories of the culture of those narrow minded humans...the old school as they call it....but it relates to the world today.....somehow the stark similarities just keep on appearing at the back of my head.

A woman has three children and she smokes( considered BAD) and then her children start rebelling against her and they all start smoking ( all turned bad) how would society view them?
THEY ARE BAD!! nobody wants their child to end up a smoker,drinker and drugger but if it ultimately happens why are they shunned from the 'good' society?

the book is not depicting a culture that was the old school it was depicting humankind and its narrowminded.....shallow...despicable ways that drive attention driven teens into committing the biggest sins of the book....exactly...the book....Vanity Fair.......

Downpour

let the rain fall down and wash away my fears....let it calm away my insecurities.....let the rain wash over me....let the drops on my head bless my soul with its power.....i never thought that the divine would appear in so many ways......i saw the rain pour....i saw the rain fall.....in a blanket of water....have you ever wondered why a raindrop that looks so solid can fall down and turn to water....a liquid? or how after the rain falls there is always a rainbow amongst the hills and a chest or gold at the end of it? or why people get addicted to this harmless computer and ending up being crazy? my head is full of questions buzzing to get answered....why is there unwritten rules all over? why are people so full of themselves until they make me feel like vomitting? why are the royals superior and einstein when the firemen and police are helping the society more? why is there development? okay the list of why's go on forever but there is nobody that can answer my questions...why? the obvious answer would be because GOD said so....and you can't question why.....but still my stubborn nature forces me to question.........why did GOD say so.........i need to pray i need to find my answers and i will.....why?
because that's my journey to take....the journey of life..... face the downpour to get the rainbow....

Bad dreams

life has its boundaries.....step one is to understand that statement and apply it....step two is to forget about applying it and let loose but still understand you have the boundaries......God is always watching......and not only that but also for self preservation and survival in this wide world i have my boundaries. Not so much so as Alcatrez prison but just enough to walk across to the other side and climbing a fence.
funny isn't it?? funny how we believe what the newspapers say but question what God says?
the world is the wrongside up.......walking through the haze walking through bad dreams....the magician's reign is beginning and confusion is reigning.....

The False woods

life is made easier with the strength of a true friend....and made harder with the hypocrisy false friends,miserably realising that painful fact trying to chew and digest the bitter substance was too much to bear.
saying hello and smiling like the bright sun shining up above was proving to be a torment therefore i decided not to smile and give the cold treatment....especially to the man made from tin....sometimes when the pressures of society decreases its needs and the gossip english tea session runs based on meaningless lies...then to a quiet evening....to sweet silence.................
nobody can understand the beauty of reading a book....when a battle has been fought and at the end of the day pampering your soul with stories of old to savour the taste of manna dew........
after the journey in the clouds i did not want to return to earth.....but i did and reality hit me hard with a rock.....i have to make decisions based on my life in the future....and this place this soul searching experience made me realise that i am who i want to be...not the teenage drama queen....not the wild child dreamer....not the hard rocker...just plain ole me only with a bit more confidence and on the way to losing a few hundred pounds.....hehehe....smart people don't always stay smart remember the dumb can outsmart them.....

Cold tears

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that I was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way........
I feel foolish...i was alone
a stranger in a class
which i did not have to go to.....sitting away from everyone even when they started to call.....
i was angry, tired and bothered....i don't like the teacher....i don't like the superficial people around me and i don't like to study malaysia as the last period of the day which ends at 4.30...
i was not about to bow down to myself...my arrogance and pride got in the way......but it ended well....went home straight away then found a huge packet of lays to dig into, thanks to my dad.
life rocks because i know that my real friends were not there and i was a beating heart in a room full of plastic ones.....................................sigh....Live life with no regrets...and i don't regret going..

Rainbow

A Long journey ends in blissful happiness and painful realisations.....I made a long journey well to me it felt...a lifetime but it only lasted two days....i feel more matured....more experienced and at least two heads taller than what i was before.

Humans are like green trees...all different in their own ways...the eyes...nose...mouth...character...all shining in their own way but...when one comes with a different colour in the midst of green that tree would shine much more....i aspire to be that brown tree outstanding from the rest.....still a tree but a tree with its own branch of uniqueness..

Malaysian Fireworks...not bad...especially in a field surrounded by pine trees and a lake surrounding one half of the field...with your family that looks as if they came out from My Big Fat Greek Wedding....20 people...arabs lining the field surrounded by malays and chinese...i guess we did stand out....came home at two and had to wake up at six to meet friends for a roadtrip to Ipoh...was GREAT fun and Ipoh is famous for Hor Fun which happens to be my ultimate favourite food in the world....well the food not bad...saw a rainbow with that song playing...the song that gives me strength to move on...i felt that it was a sign from GOD....i know what a WACKO but it was just too coincidental....and realised that i did matter to this stage my play is on realised that i did have a major role to play and in doing so i know i will have the confidence to face up to the ovation in the end....

You sense that you have the support of your relations or others in your surroundings for your creative hard work and personal goals just now, which enables you to act with self-assurance. You are able to please both your need to be an individual, and your need for caring relationships and a sense of belonging. You are in harmony with yourself and are therefore an effective individual at this point in time. scary right? how destiny plays the fiddle and life takes an unsuspecting turn......

i broke up with my boyfriend.....i asked for the seperation.....i don't understand myself......i am going through painful realisations but at the same time blissfully happy........

The Ninja Family

Odd isn't it?
There is a girl who does not know the whole of Malaysia yet and she has to be a tour guide to a group of cousins fully clothed head to toe in black thick garment..through the streets of malaysia which is not a small feat for a girl of my age. Three small girls, a baby boy and two teenage girls were placed in my care as we waddled through the busy throngs of Jalan Petaling...a place with the CHEAPEST bargains you can find in the whole of malaysia..but there is a catch it is crowded at all hours except in the mornings, pickpocketing at every corner and they steal children ....anyhow.. these arabs do not and i mean DO NOT wake up early in the morning therefore we had to shop in the busiest hour at night. I used to like petaling street at night...because you can view the moon through the cracks in the plastic above our heads...beautiful moon in the dark towering over this busy street with perverts saying "where are you going slow down a bit lar" stupid fellows...four children with two english speaking petite teenagers in Jalan Petaling was not going to be a smooth ridefor me...at every shop we stopped at on that saturday night they raised the prices to the ceiling and then when i started to talk malay they lowered the prices down.....the whole street is full of cheaters...then i was wondering is the world full of cheaters or are they just very good actors...the whole family kept things hidden from one another...there are seven children in the family...i had to keep a yoyo hidden from the father...three music cd's from all the three little girls and two lollipops from the baby boy....then i realised something...a family shouldn't be like Petaling Street....it should be like the malls...air-conditioned...the prices the same and no hidden skeletons in the closet..and most importantly no crowds a place you can go to and feel free from burden a haven ,a safety net...i made up my mind either i am not ever going to marry an arab man or i am not going to have more than four children...

Sea Breeze

Sea breeze
the sea breeze through my fingers in my hair
the sea breeze seeping in my clothes breathing in my deep sighs
the sea breeze touching my heart bringing me back to my island
the sea breeze takes away my miseries and thoughts
enchanting me into its wondrous spell
thinking for me and enveloping me in its wondrous hands
lift me sea breeze
lift me make me fly higher above this world i am forced to stay
let me float to the other galaxy's and let me laugh and play
the sea breeze through my fingers in my hair
you are the only being in this world that understands how to truly care

twinkling lights

twinkling lights ....take me far away to another place.... the fairyland...your dremland palace...filled with joy, hope, light, love and truth....why does failure make a man stronger?? but it only pulls me down deeper into the abyss of insanity....why am i different from all mankind? good deeds should be done by all but yes god only help those who help themselves....o people i do not understand myself.....my jealousness....is consuming me....i am so very vain....i am so very weak...i am an ambiguous subject.....all i understand is that hatred and anger is burning me inside and i feel....a bonfire alone on a hilltop...burning away...alone...but for the twinkling lights...

a painted house

i know the title does ring a bell right?? yes john grisham!! but very much like me...my new house in this picture perfect neighbourhood....colourless..plain white...i wish...if i could describe myself like a house it would be....humongous...wide (i feel FAT)... wooden with no white paint(i am tanned)....beautiful doors...(my smile :) ) ....huge rooms...(my heart) with no furniture and empty windows (i feel lost and empty all around).....but one thing i feel my house has is faith....all the lights are opened and it would have to be independent....surrounded by greenery and isolated from the world enclosed in its own dreamland...well thats more or less me...i just moved and my math teacher hates me.....hehehe..im a practical dreamer...21st november born people...its in the stars....i live in a painted house...not at home just in school....love meeee!!!

the mother pigeon

somehow or another life does not treat people kind...not like whitney houston....i hope life treats all the good people of the world kind...but isn't the world filled with good people?? i mean how many people have you met with an evil heart?? none right?? i just saw a pigeon looking at the world from her nest that was perched high above....the dog that was run over by some inconsiderate driver and left to bleed...the boxes of different people....i belve people are like boxes boxes with their own shapes and colour and sizes and their own capacities.....welll now have to go for math class....HELP ME!!!! continue later......

hyped up everyday wannabe

I am a hyped up everyday wannabe wanting to be a part of action....a part of something i once referred to as grown-up things....somehow this place where i study at seems brimming with light not darkness but full of life...full of light...i know this may seem pathetic but somehow that concludes the way i feel..i used to think it was darkness and blank empty faces...but i came to understand that all that emptiness was what i created for myself...i wanted to be left alone...wanted to be seperate..different...away from chaos and drama. but now i know that to be seperated is not different and to be tied down in chains by people you care about is much better than wandering aimlessly around the darkness intermingling with strangers..i am a hyped up wannabe...wanting to be confident and full of smiles...but i know that at the end of the day....i am still a player on this stage called college...and wherever i go i make the action.....now cut!

Ultimate spell

today, the day my life changes together with my house.....the house i have been living in is now unoccupied and empty and so am i....emptiness surrounds my soul...i never could fully comprehend what that meant until today, the day i left old memories in order to create new ones and this blog is going to share all my new memories with me...through the greens, whites, reds, blues and oranges...excuse me for being entirely without words...goodnite abs..i feel hypnotized and i have not found the Ultimate spell.....