Aihs Le' Beef

I'm gonna look at this again
The comedian with the beautiful soul
A lark with ones emotional upbringing...
Sometimes I walk around with a clown's costume
Circles, squares, never in a straight line.
The end of the journey, happiness not despair.
For who had looked and then loved?
I have loved, looked, stared and gave my heart.
Eyes of jealousy and hair of the ship's bows.
For who could laugh it off, mocking a fellow
The sharp intakes of breath, the hurried pacemaker
Meaningful glances with an alcoholic smile
The child's laughter intermingling with quiet.
Loving, hating, wanting and finally needing...
through the stillness I lay waiting,
My comedic acts have reached its limits and boundaries.
Fresh perspectives and new love.
The comedian with the beautiful soul.
Come to my side, please make me whole.
I'm gonna look at this again, maybe three times more.

Byul Nitam

The wind is shaking the windows, and over my small room,
The stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
The stars reassure the tired me.
They wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me
Don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
Telling me to go to sleep

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming.
Though it is unusual that my one star is bright
It is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
Stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Losing Colours

I'm patching up all the holes in the wash basin, cause it can't stop
leaking .....drip....drip.....drip......the sound of the water is really annoying me.
Disfunctionality runs in my familial genes, is that the scizophrenic cousin who dances out of tune with the world?

The only thing I hear is the beating of the heart, the steadily pumping, never ending thumps. Thump, thump, thump.....inhale, Oxygen. My heart is awakening as the walls come tumbling down, crashing around me, all that's left is a rubble, dust, destruction.

Being swept away by the breeze, flying across the open ocean with the pigeons.....their wings flapping away....flap, flap, flap....whistling sounds ringing through my ears.....what would I pay for silence.....

Quiet contemplation, oh how I love to use those words......why do people who know that they are good looking turn to be narcissistic fools? Why does Nitam never understand that sometimes life is not all black and white? Grey Matter.....its always grey......life is always grey. Ramadhan is approaching and I need to quit the blood stains, why don't you want me to sambut the fasting month? If I get to fast tommorrow well, I would pray tarawih and tahajjud every night......and to top it all off, i'll loose weight and do exercises too! And I (Inshallah) would finish reading the Quraan by the end of this holy month.........give me strength to forget those who would never remember me anyway. I need to know if you forgive me.....

Silence, 2am and its all quiet......yippee! Oh no! I miss the noise. Amir.....Oh no! Cat! RARA!!!!

Need to call my sis......something happened but mom won't tell me what.....