Lightingale

Almost Lovers

2010-08-20T04:55:00.000-07:00

They say never long for someone in your past, they never made it to your future for a reason.
This is a perfect song for two almost loves that never made it to the love boat. They sunk in the deep blue sea.....one was not even a physical thing, just online. Well, life says thirds a charm and that's the truth! So I'm hoping for number three, but life's got to continue.....and flirting's a game I'm getting better at day by day. =D

Almost Lover
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDEEzS7OV2k

Almost
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpmvcAE5PlE&feature=related

Appointment with Death

2010-07-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

She had an appointment with death,
At three o'clock the nurse scheduled in the time
I saw in her face the fear unsheathed
And she walked towards me with tears in her eyes
I sat on the plastic chairs
In the disinfectant white rooms
My veins pumping despair
And her footsteps proclaimed doom.
I called out but no words came through
She walked with her head drawn down
Stood in front of me and said
Let's get the hell out of town
Dr death can sit patiently and wait
Cause I'm not going down without a fight
Now let's leave and we'll soon fix me up
I promise you everything will be alright
With a skip in my step and hope in my heart
I walked blindly along the path of fate
She had an appointment with death
But she was going to attend it damn late.

The beggining of my poetry for grandma. Miss you Baba. Miss your rare smiles and your fresh smell in the mornings when I used to bath you. Alfatiha. Love you always.

Round and Round

2010-06-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Life is a pattern on a board. Checkered, lines, circles, triangles. There are all these different patterns on repeat, whether in your life or someone else's life. You experience heartbreak, and then two weeks later your best friend's boyfriend cheats on her, then two days later a three year relationship goes downhill. A pattern of heartbreak in the world. Everyday people fall in love, everyday people die, everyday people live and survive. Everyday there is a repeat of the pattern on the board we call life. We go round and round, all mankind. Round and round on the board.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfcvO2t8Ntg Round and Round. Exactly how I feel at present. But I guess now it has stopped. I wish it didn't though.

Love is a scam

2010-06-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Im very blase about love and 'like' today. Not for anything....but for the one reason. Love is a scam designed to manipulate people into feeling emotions that they could feel for anyone. Once similarities or blatant chemistry is felt immediately people in general rush into love like blind fools because the world tells them that love is the greatest magic this world possesses. But I believe that love between man and woman is the greatest scam of the 21st century.

Our forefathers, heck my best friends parents (well one of my best friends) got arranged marriages and tada! They are extremely happy and contented individuals. I personally believe not in arrange marriages (though I do concede they do work sometimes) but in having no marriage constituition and that marriages was placed just so people would procreate. If one day society were to procreate without having marriages, then they would lose sense of self and God and get lost in the insatiable wanton lust of sex. Therefore I believe in too many things but one thing I staunchly believe right now is this. LOVE is a SCAM! So anyone in love or beggining to like anyone alot stop yourself because you will be able to feel the same way about tons of people....don't tie yourself down to one. And yes I am pist of at someone, but at the end of the day its his loss. Not mine. I've got too much to live for....but after the sex and the city session with ma girls and our love hate rants over drinks I had to blog this. Firstly....i gotta start a professional website which i will after i talk to Nabil and secondly...that LOVE IS A SCAM!!! Feel soo much better now. =D

Falling Slowly

2010-05-11T11:40:00.001-07:00

The day you called my cousin and came over
A smile, a hello then a phone number
A girl can only wait for two days mister
Any longer and its c'ya later.
Your bangle fits the circle of my palms
Like Medusa's snakes on her head, the black rope on my arm
The concerto plays Elvis's can't help falling on repeat
Suddenly the heart doth not walk but crawls then leaps
I don't know you but I want you all the more for that
The bus skips four stops and drives straight to your station
Ambidextrous hands play puppetry with one and pushes away the mimickry with the other
The aorta thumps continually evolving with external derivatives
And suddenly the world plugs up all the hustle and bother
There is silence and the autumn leaves change to winter...
And lips that sealed hidden whispers and secrets spill out their desires
For there is nothing that can fan down this inner lightning fire
The thunder roars for Nefertiti's beauty cannot surpass its warning
One tiptoe and peek out the front door and the heart began opening
But what if the risk was seen and unheeded, and then celebrated
What is time on earth if not to be endured and berated?
Admonishing the dire signs that could destroy the soul and break the walls
Jumping into the fray relishing in the glory of bloody wars and catcalls
Exposing the soul to the greatest magic the world possesses in its grasp
Reviewing the previous list with a renewed vigour demolishing constraints
Leap from the castle walls and burn it down into the dust
Lancelot and Guinevere ran from the societal norms and restraints
Love has arrived and with it came friendship and fun flirtatious jokes
This time round the winner will be me, one punch, two punches, KO
The blessing from the man above and from the old ancient folks
Makes this love or whatever its called a feeling of jubilation
celebration
perspiration
anticipation
hallucination
and finally completion.
For the pearl of Baloch has opened my heart again,
and though this may or may'nt amount to anything.
The walls are broken and the dragon slain.
And as Bok ti would say, 'Jangan main sendiri lagi Ling!'

This song is exactly how I feel right now.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_LALGvMlfU&feature=related

Past Mistakes

2010-05-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

I can't fall in love. I can't fall in like. I can't fall. There's always something in my way. And I just realise that something is me. I always stop and look down, get scared and turn around. I can't burden someone else with my baggage, can't forget the past mistakes I made. I don't regret but I don't forget. And I don't think I will ever find someone that can push me of the ledge and watch me spiral downwards, I know that I will catch myself. I can't forget my past.....I can't fall in love.

This song has been on repeat for hours.....and I can't sleep.......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0JD8LHPlTI

p.s. Emy got married today, I am truly happy for her. I don't even know why I'm putting this in. I guess its to remember the date. Lolz.

Geography

2009-08-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

They say life is a game we play, Act one is when we first met, then comes act two and then the story goes on and on and la di da. I have not blogged in a very long time and now I finally realise that I need to blog, I must blog, I have to blog because I feel the need to communicate with my computer. I swear My life would suck without you laptop....I need to name my laptop soon.....hmm....well, one might think I have no life and surf the networking sites everyday, but that is not the case....I really haven't checked facebook in a looooonggg time...meaning after this post I might go to check it and reply my lovely amazing friends......but I doubt it cause I really am this weird little soul wondering around contemplating the inner workings of the higher power, while being a devout practitioner in my faith. I live in moments of motherhood and am in the midst of preparing myself to face the wicked world out there. Ok what I needed to post is this.

Tonight, I, Noura Talib solemnly, wait I mean happily swear that I will not care if one of my best friends is lying to me and will not resort to juvenile means to procure the truth. That is a promise to myself and I mean to keep it. If you want to lie to me then so be it, but remember skeletons are only kept in the closet until the closet door opens. (like duh!) Gosh I'm a tad whacked out.....tired like shite but hey I needed to blog and here I am. Im freezing my butt now and I am glad, cause now I feel much better. I am not going to meddle with your life, if you wanna screw it up mixing with sluts and bitches then go ahead......I'm not fussed, I just don't see what you have in common with them.....and THAT pisses me off!

Tonight mixing with a older bunch of people made me realise that I need to stop this juvenile thinking and start to grow up, dream big dreams but know and understand that everything has its course. And most importantly, learn to relax, nothing comes easily but stop trying to rush everything, be an aussie, live free and easy. I doubt I will be able to do this....but hey I think I'm gonna have some choccies and curl up with my geography book.....don't laugh at me....I like geography! Synoptic chart and trenches....wind speed and erosion......there's this huge smile on my face, I am so weird I freak myself out. =)

Deals

2009-05-24T02:30:00.001-07:00

Life is full of deals. Deals made with the devil, made with friends, made with lecturers, made with the boss, made with clients, made with horses, made with well, everything in this world and some from other worlds.

Today I made a deal which in turn made me a better person.

I made a deal with myself, to improve and to change and to never stop evolving myself to achieve the highest possible state of excellence in this world. They say people who stop learning are those who will live continually in the identical state of mind circling through life, never backing out of that rounded driveway, to the long road out there in the big world.

After interviewing an award winning scientist who made the world's most accurate clock at UWA, I realised that destiny can come knocking at your door but it only gets you to the right door. Its up to you to open the door and walk through and seal your fate.

This scientist is a genius who has never stopped in his continous search for information about life and science and the mysteries of the world out there. Michael Tobar made me open my eyes and realise that the world is filled with endless possibilities and various quandaries which will fill the path labelled life.

I always like the phrase 'born for each other' its nice thinking there's someone out there born just for you. To complete that other half missing from your soul, but I don't think my soul is cut into two, I just know that this perfect soulmate will complete me but that doesn't necessarily mean that my full potential as individual is cut when I haven't found that half. There's gotta be a meant to be for me out there. And when I find it, the events would teach that other side lessons of life. And that's a deal.

Say Never

2009-01-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

Never say never, or so they say, sometimes it will come and bite you in the pantat and then where will you turn to? The sky up there stated clearly that there is a plan for your life and everything that happens, occurs for a reason, which may not be explainable and translucent now but it will become clear one day. Sometimes I fear that lying and kelingtonging myself out of dodgy situations may act upon the laws of karma, will whack me with the final hit and then absolute blackout.

Acting upon a whim I decided to go and stalk Stephen Rahman-Hughes and now if (and this is hypothetically for now) if I were to become famous, this same star will always remember me as the crazed fan on the staircase. I truly doubt he'll ever see me as a young woman worthy to be loved, all he'll remember is this psycho chick waiting on the staircase, to do what exactly? Anyhow call it a moment of true love, or just a moment of true passion, or just a moment of insanity, whatever the label it was acting upon a whim. So, what happens when you think with your heart more than your mind? Well, you look dorky and a complete doofus. (what is wrong with my vocabulary? Can't think right now....)

I said that I would never do 'it' unless I have a ring on my finger and the man who is allowed to worship this body of mine would be my husband bonded to me with ties of marriage, fidelity and security. Sp far Alhamdullillah, I have made it through all the tests He has given to me in reference to this topic and remained pure for my Mr Right. I believe that one can say never , and that it only depends upon the question of how deep are you in your own morals and attitudes, are the walls tough or can they bend and break?

So the point of all this is to state a fact that everyone should learn from my mistake.....don't get influenced from your heart, follow your mind, and leave true love to the pages of fairytales. Then and only then, can you finally, say never.

Yellow Bus

2008-12-15T12:12:00.000-08:00

I miss it, those days where life is simple, alphabets could not form words, love was inconsistent outside the context of family and running through wades of silk in the mall was not greeted with menacing glances and embarrassing statements from friends. Compassion and demure were greeted with praises, now if you display too much, you are crude, if you have a stony apparel you are rude. What would I give to sit on the yellow bus, ronda ronda with the bus conductor and Shab. Money was a five letter word where problems are not connected to it, instead money meant sweets. Why can't I find someone alike to me? And the only one who comes close is taken away by a slut. I kid you not. I am waiting for a prince, but for now I can't wait and see, the noise of the world is getting me caught up. I have to move.

Love Moi, Noura Talib....an

Noura Loves Stephen Rahman Hughes

2008-11-30T14:51:00.001-08:00

OMGAWD! I just met Stephen Rahman Hughes and he was soooo nice! I mean yeah they are all supposed to be nice to fans but he was genuinely nice! =) Ok...Story....

First I heard from a cousin that Stephen Rahman-Hughes( Short form SRH aight?) was teaching some classes around Ampang Point. So since it was one of the things on the list of things that I have to do before leaving Malaysia I decided to act teenage booperish and become a stalkerazzi. *evil grinz* So I set of around 1.45pm from Kiren's place to go meet my cuz at Ampang Point. Upon reaching we waited in the car parked opposite the entrance of that particular studio and camera's at the ready to run down and ambush SRH. But then 3pm came and still no sign of him...mind you we waited for an hour....then Dah had to ciao and go meet her boyfriend, so she dropped me off at my car and left. Then there I was in my car wondering what to do....should I go up and ask if he came really early by myself or should I leave? In this dilemma I sat pondering in my car, then a lightbulb flashed and I messaged Neha to call me back. And she did with the answer to all my questions. Yes! She said go up there and ask...I mean what did I have to lose? Truer words never spoken.

So with Neha on the line I walked up three flights of stairs to the studio and in there I met Tiara Jaquelina teaching a whole bunch of little girls how to dance the malay traditional dance. Walking in pretending I belonged I looked around for SRH or the manager and tada! Ched comes by (the guy who owns the blog which my cuz found the info from) So I go up to him and tell him the 'story'. (I came all the way from Singapore and I am totally in love with SRH and his voice and I'm gonna miss his Feb play and that's why I wanted to meet him) well actually the story is pretty true except that I didn't come all the way down from Singapore...although that part can be misconstrued as true as well because I am Singaporean. Ok Ok enough gallivanting around unnessary information, then Ched said, ok well SRH will be here around 3.45pm to 4pm and you can wait for him downstairs, if you want.....So I said thanks loads dude! And ran the hell outta there and down to the toilet to check my appearance. ( Neha still on phone) This was 3pm then Neha told me she would call back at 3.30pm. Ok cool. So I got to getting ready, makeup, check. Hair, a total mess. Crap. Did the whole thing again, emptied my bladder and then strutted calmly outside. Then Neha called again. Started hanging out on the stairs and we just gossiped away lots of juicy stories, while this was happening Tiara Jaquelina came down and I said hello and she said hello, and I said you're looking pretty, and she said Thank you. So basically she nice.

Anyhow still no sign of Stephen, then a couple of PGL cast members started walking up and down totally eyeballing me, with the 'who are you?' look combined with the 'you are hot' look....well anyhow I decided to ask one chick the obvious question, we had quite and interlude and this was how it went.

Me- " Say are you in Puteri Gunung Ledang?"
She- "Yeah"
Me- "Is Stephen Rahman Hughes gonna be here later?"
She- "Yeah he is....why do you need him?"
Me- *The story*
She- "Oh well he's definetely coming!"

Then she walks up the stairs and at the top she turns around and asks me for my name. I say Noura and then I say

"Please don't mock me later as the girl on the stairs or something!"
She- "No I totally get where you're coming from"
Me- "Thanks!"

Well....she was rehelly nice and I think she was interested to find out what I was doing there...probably thought I was a reporter or something. Anyhoo....still no sign of Stephen.

Then.................while in the midst of convo with Neha..................................

I see him climbing two steps at a time, and his first words were, "What can I do for you love?"
(I heart the language of the Brits) And I went " OMG! OMG! OMG!"
Then he looked up and went " Oh...ah...." Like he understood I was a fan. And then he was beside me. Looking into my face and he said, " Well, I'm kindda in a rush, I've got a class to teach but....What's your name?" and he stretched out his hand to shake. And I took his hand and I stammered "Noura", then I said "OMG I'm like your biggest fan....can I get a picture please?" and he said "Alright Phil take a picture for us please." And then....ok you know what I'm gonna do the whole script mode thing again.

Me- "Here you go, oh wait can I be on that side its my better angle"
SRH- " Oh Noura, that's your better angle huh Noura?" in this mocking tone while smiling alot!
Me- *Giggling like a schoolgirl* Takes picture then.... "Can I get a hug?"
SRH- "Yes of course Noura"

Moment I will never forget for my entire life. He actually crushed me with his amazingly toned body and beautifully tanned hands! =)

Me- "OMG I mean I just came down from singapore......(you know what happens)"
SRH- *smiling alot and nodding and he looked kindda shock when I said all the way down from SPore...lols....
Me- "Can I get another hug?"
SRH-" Yes of course"

This one was amazing.....I heart Stephen!

Then while breaking apart his friend kept on snapping pictures. =) So I said, oh can I get one hugging Stephen and he said ok.

Another moment of absolute bliss.

And while breaking apart...
Me- "Did you get it?"
Malay friend looks confused....
Me- " Its alright then....no worries"

Looking at this minah tudung who came to join the foray.
SRH- "Oh you want pictures too? Ok Cepat Cepat"

Taking pics with this Minah tudung he looked really normal. Then after their picture taking.

SRH- " So Noura will I be seeing you in February?"
Me-" No"
SRH- "Why?"
Me-" Cause I'm leaving to study in australia and then I'm going to Dubai and I cant leave my parents side cause I'm kindda young"
SRH- *grins*
Me-"Omg I absolutely love your voice, its entrancing and your voice is timeless, OMG I had this entire speech done but its just gone outta my head!"
SRH- "Its ok Noura."
Phil- " We gotta go now Stephen"
Malay Friend of theirs to me- " Do you wanna come up?"
Me- "No, its ok"

Stephen looks to me again....and says "It was nice meeting you Noura."
Me- *smiles*

Then he was walking up the stairs, his friends were ahead of him he was last...ahem ahem.

Me- " Stephen?"
He stops and turns around ( his friends are gone)
Me- " I will definetely go to your shows in the future so please don't stop doing what you do"
SRH- "Will do" *smiles widely

Then at the top of the stairs he turns and smiles again to me. I swear my legs fell loose.

Ok I'm not saying anything but....I think Stephen Rahman Hughes might think that I'm kindda attractive. I mean when you repeat the person's name that means you want to impress the person, why would he want to impress me? Unless....he thinks I'm kindda hot? Ok neways this is one of the best experiences of my life so far.....I had a decent convo with a West End celebrity and he seemed to enjoy it too! Well, this means that my future in Journalism is sealed, I CAN talk to celebrities as normal people. Which by the way I couldn't two years ago.....hence my stammering at Akon (Lonely) and Najib Ali (Major Moment cause I watch his show Asia Bagus since I was 8 until the time I left to Perth)

Anyhoo....this one went fine (I think). He'll probably think I'm some psycho fan (Which I'm not) I just wanted to meet the dude before I left, so I can cross him off my list of things to do before I leave Malaysia.

He was on that list cause the night I was making that particular list I was talking about how every time I play the name game, I use Stephen Rahman-Hughes's name and then an idea came to me, while I was working as a reporter meeting Malaysian celebs was easy, so why not SRH? Especially since he hasn't boomed in Malaysia yet, so I wrote it down, Meet Stephen Rahman Hughes. Right after Paint 'my life in malaysia'.

So there, I was stumped, but well, who cares right I mean it was just a list, then my cuz Dah came over to my house and viewed the list on my computer documents and told me about the website in which she saw that SRH was conducting a Bootcamp. So all excited I went online and realised the dateline for entry had passed. =( Me so sad....but more concerntrating upon my Birthday Party in which I was gonna turn 21! But then after my partay was over I got to thinking about the list again and the plan erupted. Seriously, it was more of luck and coincidence than anything, it was meant to happen. So I met Stephen Rahman Hughes and he's georgeous with a totally 'kelftaer' accent. Oh and I want Teatro's Cd......even though I'm no psycho fan, I like the guy's voice....ALOT!

And I will continue on my journey into becoming the CNN and muslim version of Christiane Amanpour!

And why can't he be 27 or something? Then maybe....someday......ok zip it Noura, you need no distractions. And he's close to 40 or so they say. So that's it then.

And I can talk to celebrities who I fancy!

Ain't that dandy?

Arab Girl

2008-11-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

-The father wrote the scheme of your life a long time ago, go and live in ahidey hole if you like but you won't run from it. Fear profits man nothing.- Thirteenth Warrior

Parents, they never comprehend the depth in which their words impact those around them, namely, the children. Having arab parents from both sides ultimately defines me to be the absolute, arab child, or in this case in point, arab girl. Though that arab girl imagery is just that, an illusion, an event of which the west can portray those poor locked up women, thus hantaming all their evil machoistic male counterparts without a conscience to their name.

Anyhoo, here I am an arab girl, emotional detached from that portion of my life in which I am duly bounded by, the ties of race, struggling to seek for completion in all the wrong places, from the pasty white characters splash across magazines and televisions screens to the brown, black and yellow minions whom surround my everyday palace and sanctuary. To whom do I acknowledge this lack in feasible race definition to? Parents.

When you tell your child, "You look so dark you could be a tamilan" and "Did you know the roti man dropped you off when you were a baby?" (the roti man in almost all parts of singapore at that time was almost always indian and dark) Anyhoo, I did not mean I don't like being dark, I don't care about skin colour, but if you are arab and a girl, being dark means you can never be known as the pretty one, you'll almost always be called hitam manis. (translated to Sweet Dark) Just another reason why I detest proclaming myself to be an arab.

Well, the roti man story, oh ya, there comes a time when life comes a knocking when you're nine and you've just gone on you're first official chaperoned 'date' (My first ever was with my school friend who I used to play eye-eye with, the second one was with two brothers...yup you heard right two of them, though all of the above are now what some would call eligible...not interested) you start to ponder on the truth of where you actually came from, and at such a youthful tender age, being completely different than your fairer elder sisters, the storyline of cinderella comes to play and life itself becomes much easier to comprehend when your dad is the roti man. Then in comes the measurement of self-worth and value, where countless of people measure strength, attractiveness based upon their own personal deductions due to their 'gila' reactions telling them to base their world upon their memories.

Anyhoo again, growing up with Hindi movies and everyone referencing you to Prieti and Kajol, the curveball that life threw your path seems easier to catch and realisation hits. The lack of arabness in my life ( I don't even know how to speak it) can fully be blamed unto myself and a lil upon the shoulders of my parents. If you want something run until it can be caught and when its finally yours, well nothing is truly yours in this world cause life, and parents their both for rent until the next. So make the best of this rental space, and continually evolve yourself for the better never fearing the consequences but ultimately remember who you are.

p.s. Noura, You Are An ARAB Girl.

Tukar

2008-11-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

I've pledged to be more than I currently am. it all starts now. it has to start somewhere. no more fooling with life. its all just too short.
i've opened up my eyes. i see things clearly now. i somehow feel so underachieved. i want more. im burning with desire to achieve so much. to make life worth living.
'my body is a temple' - im respecting this. there is only so much it can withstand before it falls apart.
-all saints have a past and all sinners have a future-
My future starts now. Lets leave the past behind.
Together. All of us. Lets prove them wrong.
Lets prove ourselves to the ones who constantly doubts us. Lets be greater then we thought we ever could.
Im humbling myselve for the better good. Its high time i changed.
Join me ?

It

2008-04-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well signs of today turning out to my favour is slim, the forbidden fruits on the other side of the pastures are untouchable and that makes me want it even more. And yet im too scared to reach out for it. Too afraid to want something and go for it, maybe that's why God (s.w.t) didn't allow the road to be paved for a reason, maybe I don't really want it, don't really want everything to do with it. And yes, It is something for me to know and you to never find out.

So it, well, its weird sometimes I can't stop thinking about it and yet when the signs are all negative i despise it and when there are the moments of happiness, that slim ray of light it makes my whole world =)

And well, today i realised something ( a) I always use the word realise and (b) I really don't like It. and that's that, I'm confident enough to go across that border and get It, no matter the cost.

Shiari The Shemite Princess.

2008-04-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

Boom, the sound of thunder crashes through the walls, heaven is not happy with the world, another monster stamps down upon earth. Rain has been pouring for days, heavy downpours and flash floods all around the city center. Looking to her left, Shiari realises her team was downtrodden, disheartened and almost all fatally wounded. She couldn't allow them to go through anymore battles for her kingdom, her home, she knew in her heart that sadly, every hope was diminished, the last trooper group out there was probably dead or dying in the floods. Believe, they once said, now in the darkness, in the despair of their current situation that singular word was merely a character of the alphabet.

"Boom! Boom! Boom!", that was no thunder, who had found this secret base deep within the palace?

"Boom! Boom!", There is someone knocking at the door. Oh No! Who was it?

"Hey are you guys gonna keep us waiting out here or what?", Sam shouted through the door. Relief poured through the just previously tensed room. "Oh thank gosh! Yes!", Shiari exclaimed with tears of happiness. The door creaked open and on the other side of the door lay the most happiest sight of her life. All the troopers grinning and healthy, seemingly untouched by health's evil twin, sickness and disease and worst of all, death. At the sight of their strong counterparts, the lame on the floor quickly whipped up into an alert and excited stupor. They newcomers all started aiding Shiari and her handmaiden Niloufer in cleaning the wounds and curing to their best efforts the sick and helpless. When they were done with cleaning the wounds of the mildly wounded, their strength grew from a troop of five with Shiari and her maiden, totalling seven strong, to twenty three ready and able fighters. The remaining ones, had suffered serious injuries, therefore all they could do was make their passing comfortable. The scent of death was heavily tinted in the air and Shiari was now more hopeful than ever.

The troopers had found an underground path in the palace, the path that she was describing to them before, and they think that the path is a safe escape for them to rush to the country side. Though all this Shiari was very adamant that the path was a deadly trap and expressed her thoughts. " C'mon Shiari, it's our only hope and we gotta go for it!", Sam exclaimed. "No, I have a bad feeling about it, no one will go through the paths until I say so and we can't leave them here to die, we have to stay with them until the end at least!", she stressed.

Bhangra Lovin'

2008-04-03T13:06:00.000-07:00

Crazy night leads to crazy mornings, that is a fact if life, once the adrenaline gets pumping and the endorphins start swimming ecstatically within, the appearance will ultimately differ from the usual dry and dark lines. Therefore after tonights psychotic club hopping well, and good....I am exhausted to the point that I can't sleep and all me does is stay up and browse through pictures and memories of others while trying (and failing) to start on my 2000 word assignment due besok. Yupz, Noura will make it. Don't doubt her literary skills.

Anyhow, with the dead bhangra beats and the lightning walk to another mansion, the girls and I decided that life in its full capacity was a tad bit unfair, but hey put on the band aid, Its what was meant to be. I like a guy who a) Has a girlfriend
b) Did not get approval from friends
c) Looks a bit gay and metro. ( big minus)

Ok, three points enough to put me out for good, anyhoo, walked through the heavily guarded gates and started to enjoy the pumping music, filled with the stench of lansi individuals crowding around the whole entrance hall. Suddenly, the crowd clears and there at the other side of the room, he was. Feeling very Mariah Carey suddenly and eager to smile and please that particular long haired sexy siren, the girls and I walked to the corner.....and he came. =)

Well, after offering drinks and lots of convo, good convo may I add, I realised something and in the washroom ( of all places) I realised, that I was no longer attracted to this mysterious stranger,but those same emotions were felt for my spiky haired dancer, I really had feelings for this dude, whether its cause of prolong exposure or the mundane neutrality of friendship and physical eye connection, this dancer had captured the very essence of me and threw the whole question of morality out of the garbage disposal post.

Driving home with pehli nazar mein and the windows down, the wind going through my hair and love pumping in my heart, life changed for me, the breeze a little stronger, the streets a little brighter and the whole outlook of life, the big picture, well its a little clearer.....

Tommorrow's cleopatra and today's girl have connected and within them they have found the true meaning of love. Love in the time of race.

Love Junkie

2008-03-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Somedays, life pulls the whole body into this downward spiral and it takes all of your strength to pull yourself up to breathe, take the final curtain call and to compromise a friendship. Love, does that to oneself, you can't think, your minds a complete blank with no one checking up about the unhealthy pulse race and the constant hormonal charges occuring. To someone, you may seem to embody all the missing qualities lacking in their life, contributing to their utmost happy demeanour when that so called better half walks into your world.

The morals and etiquettes bequethed to you when you were a young child forgotten in the midst of this newly found freedom, the bird has flown the coop and there is nothing to hold the chains barred. But what happens when the Love is gone? The passions don't last? The things which excites becomes a thing of the past?

Turn again to the mundane path of life, seeking for that high again, and you replace it with drinks, drugs anything else to either keep the pain away or challenge the depth of the pain. Therefore the moral is, never fall in love. Simple. Love yourself and you'll always be high, like me!

Look A Like?

2008-03-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

In My Dreams Maybe.....

Rasheed Where Are You?

2008-01-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

Letter For Mombasa

2008-01-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

Hey, well, Jules here.....I was just wondering if you're fine.....I mean the violence and those riots in Mombasa your hometown and Nairobi, well hope you're safe and your family. Take care dude. Ok well, I don't know if you'll ever receive this but if you do, well, I wanted you to read this. I wanted to ask Rasheed to read this but then, it'll just be wrong......Ok i'm rambling.....I always ramble and babble. Ok well here goes. I wrote this when I met you and here it is.....I wanted to know what you thought of it. I usually suck at this, I mean seriously, just read, please.

Sacarsm and hilarious overtures,
forgotten praises and venting ways.
Loving gazes and attraction stales
For who did love and never lost?
Love, truth and now I am the boss.
Lies, deceit and thus the times are past
Kiss me beneath a starlit sky,
With the waves crushing on the shores,
Pining away for a sign, a look, a question
Why doth the heart never seem to comprehend
When Lovers go they leave, they are spent.
Though lovers fade and time heals wounds
Memories can never seem to be forgotten
And though those memories are a figment of imagination
They can instill a hurt, a pain, this heart wrenching emotion
For once the eyes are washed, they are cleared of debris
The soul realises that there are those who lost, who loved
and the worst souls are those who keep silent, their anguish and regret
Pouring in from all sides,
trapped in a cardboard box in the middle of the indian ocean,
the water gushes in and divulges the heart,
live forever and yet live for the moment,
love forever and yet, never take love for granted
The secret of this one mistake, this one parcel
delivered in anger toward another,
for jealousy and anxiety forces one to do many unpredictable things
Oh and age, youth can force the fools inside to appear in countless forms.
Pray that your life has not been strangled midway
Hope that love blesses you throughout,
and most of all,
Wish that you'll never forget me....

and if you've already done then, I'm a babbling bunch of bullshit.
Ok......I don't know what to expect, that's why i'm not expecting, all i hope is that you're thinking twice about this. Cause I haven't really been able to forget you and well, please just tell me if you're interested or not. Cause if you're not, just say the word....and i'm done. Ok, its just that it's not finished yet and I want to end it, that's all......

Best,
Jules. T

Girlfriends

2007-12-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

There seems to be a hundred different questions

All denote a painful realisation

Without proper guidance in each situation

Souls cannot combine in the midst of deception

So I need truth spin me a conversation

Cannot move ahead without comprehension

The lies gotta stop they need limitations

C'mon baby,talk, don't wait for an invitation.

Your epithets and poetry

The pictures in broken frames

All the pain and misery

Move away,

Don't haunt me again

For who did love and never lost?

I loved you,

But you lied.....

go on....she said

Wo ker yi pang ni ma?

I replied curtly.

Piong ching.
Polite, too polite.

But I need no persuasion, I love my rhyming couplets and yes Vin was right, I am toooo modest.* Anyhow, I am upset at two people who I once thought were VIP's in my life and now ever since they both have let me down, I have learnt to never expect anything from anyone. Never expect, if you want something to happen don't wait, DO IT! Or as Adnan says, "It's not hard to make things happen, but its hard to stop things from happening" actually I added the last part, prolly a quote I read somewhere over the rainbow, Oops, meant the internet. Anyways I wrote it a couple of days after my birthday in which they both promptly forgot, yup, FORGOT, well who cares right? Not me. Hehehhehe! I know what you're thinking you made a song for those two girls, yup not guys, girls, well its just that girlfriends are forever and boyfriends, well they never last. One ever and another never, I am just hurt, It'll pass....but for now I am allowed to vent and get frustrated, but well, I found something about myself recently, I can take care of myself. =)

Here's a song I love or have fallen in love with, (like you care!) but for everyone seeking for no one and love being single, well even if you are mending a broken hati, well.......

Marie Digby- Girlfriend.

Download. Asap!

I can't belong to anybody else right now

Though it is not much of an excuse

I can't belongto anybody else

When I've got so much figuring out to do

I don't want to be a girlfriend

I don't want to talk about my feelings yeah

I don't wanna be some girlfriend
I don't wanna have to explain what I'm thinking.........

*Me Hearts*

NUS Road

2007-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Realising new things and actually forcing yourself to see the light at the end of a tunnel, well, they change a person, turning one into something quite unexplainable, so much so, that even the best people would not figure out who they are anymore.

There was this one time (at band camp) where life turned upside down and I no longer felt that I knew myself anymore, to me I was a mess, a truly indescribable mess of a woman who could not feel the walls of the tunnel or see the light, blindly I stroll along.

Prince Breakfast is never going to marry me, but I know that I want to get a move on and get over him.....he's this narcissistic, self absorbed piece of soft matter who prefers dongs to boobs, so yeah....laugh now, I have liked a gay dude for 10 years.

And NO I am not talking about the gentle voice Orlando Bloom, I'm talking Prince Breakfast. So my New Year's aim (other than losing weight) is to meet him and see the reaction, because well, I need to realise something or else, what is the point of a rollercoaster ride if all you do is ride on a flat horizontal line without hills to climb and valleys to fall into?

Realisation finally hit me and by george I will meet Shaikh M if I have to crawl to NUS. Which I sincerely hope I never have to.

Aihs Le' Beef

2007-09-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna look at this again
The comedian with the beautiful soul
A lark with ones emotional upbringing...
Sometimes I walk around with a clown's costume
Circles, squares, never in a straight line.
The end of the journey, happiness not despair.
For who had looked and then loved?
I have loved, looked, stared and gave my heart.
Eyes of jealousy and hair of the ship's bows.
For who could laugh it off, mocking a fellow
The sharp intakes of breath, the hurried pacemaker
Meaningful glances with an alcoholic smile
The child's laughter intermingling with quiet.
Loving, hating, wanting and finally needing...
through the stillness I lay waiting,
My comedic acts have reached its limits and boundaries.
Fresh perspectives and new love.
The comedian with the beautiful soul.
Come to my side, please make me whole.
I'm gonna look at this again, maybe three times more.

Byul Nitam

2007-09-16T22:34:00.001-07:00

The wind is shaking the windows, and over my small room,
The stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
The stars reassure the tired me.
They wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me
Don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me,
Telling me to go to sleep

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming.
Though it is unusual that my one star is bright
It is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
Stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me and gives me a warm hug

Though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
Though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Losing Colours

2007-09-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm patching up all the holes in the wash basin, cause it can't stop
leaking .....drip....drip.....drip......the sound of the water is really annoying me.
Disfunctionality runs in my familial genes, is that the scizophrenic cousin who dances out of tune with the world?

The only thing I hear is the beating of the heart, the steadily pumping, never ending thumps. Thump, thump, thump.....inhale, Oxygen. My heart is awakening as the walls come tumbling down, crashing around me, all that's left is a rubble, dust, destruction.

Being swept away by the breeze, flying across the open ocean with the pigeons.....their wings flapping away....flap, flap, flap....whistling sounds ringing through my ears.....what would I pay for silence.....

Quiet contemplation, oh how I love to use those words......why do people who know that they are good looking turn to be narcissistic fools? Why does Nitam never understand that sometimes life is not all black and white? Grey Matter.....its always grey......life is always grey. Ramadhan is approaching and I need to quit the blood stains, why don't you want me to sambut the fasting month? If I get to fast tommorrow well, I would pray tarawih and tahajjud every night......and to top it all off, i'll loose weight and do exercises too! And I (Inshallah) would finish reading the Quraan by the end of this holy month.........give me strength to forget those who would never remember me anyway. I need to know if you forgive me.....

Silence, 2am and its all quiet......yippee! Oh no! I miss the noise. Amir.....Oh no! Cat! RARA!!!!

Need to call my sis......something happened but mom won't tell me what.....

List

2007-08-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

1) Amal is having Adil Ryan.....today.

2) Yasmin's Birthday is......today.

3) Aunt I threw up four times......today.

4) Aunt Elly and Uncle Yahya leaves.....today.

5) Shabrina's plan is in motion......today.

6) Dave's Cd will be done......today.

7) Got to babysit the children cause I promised.....today.

8) Meet Rasheed for dinner.....today.

9) Krystal coming over for sleepover.....today.

10) Thinking about Prince Breakfast.......today.
and always.

Brothers

2007-08-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

I hope the days come easy and the moments past slow......
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.....
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to.....
I hope you know somebody loves you.
And wants the same things too.....

Gosh to love someone with that much passion and care.......I know for a fact that Debbie probably felt this way about his younger brother. My gosh to put emotions into words, their love was so true, so pure, so loving, so everything a brother should be....I mean where in the world have you seen a young man of nineteen constantly mollycuddling his younger brother and passionately and truly crying goodbye......tears pouring down.

My gosh, I realised something else....that kind of love I do possess, but how many people are truly blessed to have that much love and care? How many in this world today? Whole families going to the airport to wish goodbye......a huge clan, with us three and the friends.

I swear that moment when I viewed Dave being so caring and loving......I almost wished that this dude was Arab, twenty something and looks like breakfast. But of course he turns out to be my little bro....but I realised something also.......not many arab men are like that, they are too afraid of showing and displaying their emotions. To tear shows weakness, and their egos are too huge to show any weaknesses.......ok generalising now.....but as far as I know.......

Somedays I wonder, how do we stumble into our seperate lives and scratch around trying to make sense of what we have?? Why did HE position us this way??

Love makes the world go round, and love makes the world go down......but for me, love is love. You make your world go round or down......decide your life and the final word is this, Brotherly love. Very important. Sisterly Love. Even more so. =)

To Anonymous,

2007-08-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Weeee.....finally an anonymous commentor......well....to anonymous.....that was written like two years ago in one of my diary excerpts......anyways....I am now no longer in the back seat of the car.....I am the driver of my own destiny and well I realised something else too!!

There is no difference between male and female companionships, its the same thing, I was cured of love through friendship......and I guess that's all that matters huh??

No fresh perspective, no difference of opinions, no change of characters, just people who can tolerate being with you and you can tolerate being with them. Realising that love is and always will be with you, not a man's love no doubt, just love, the deepest kind. I used to say, I am an Unlucky, Fat arsed arab teenager, but in fact I am one of the most luckiest type......and now typing this before a new semester begins, relishing the fact that while life may deal many blows and squander all my money away, Life is a gamble. And I have got the best people around me to help me regain all the losses that I've encountered. All the happiness that I've taken for granted and all the dreams I thought would not come true.....they will be there for me and I will be there for them.....insyALLAH. Thus quoting a famous person by the name of Shabrina Hyder....It's like that like.....(lolxz) Love her alot....

Eyesight

2007-07-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

There is this phase where everyone would pass in life where, you want to feel loved and needed but at the same time you're all out for fun. So where are you really? Stuck in the middle somewhere, confusion and loneliness intermingles with the thirst of adventure and the unknown. So how can you move ahead? and how can you turn back? There comes this day where all you see is colours, different myriads of shapes crossing the sky, lightning flashes, distant thunder rolls darkly. Those stuck in the car and driving without a purpose down a slippery winding road. the raindrops patter the roof, of course back at the passenger seat, so you can view the world passing by quickly.

Y'know i always thought that i could find someone who can be seen as a true man. A person who would make friends with all people no matter their physical appearance and tolerate the atttitudes that suck. Someone who cared deeply for a cause other than sex. Though in these times, that kindda person is hard press for money. Not that i'm desperately searching and seeking someone to love, no, just to be friends with, cause i'm so sick of female companionship. Somedays, you need a fresh perspective. well, that's all i guess.

In order to finally be humans we gotta know what humans should be.
I seem to be looking for completion in all the wrong places, maybe my eyesight has gone bad, but maybe the signs are not pointing in the right path.

Goodnight, but is it really a good night?

Crash

2007-07-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

An empty room can be so deafening, The silence makes you want to scream.

Really, sometimes you realise that hormonal imbalances can trigger a different opinion to the normal or should I say 'normal' person. But at the end of the day it is the differences that makes life interesting. The fact of the matter is, the world is lacking in love, we need more love in this world. We are surrounded by destruction and wars, all we actually need is hope and love, two things that there's just too little of. Why is this world temporary? To make any difference one must disrespect their religion and go towards sinning and debauchery. Somedays life seems too simple, other days it gets complicated. Very complicated.

Screaming right now, listening and observing the CRASH of society. Crash, the ideology of crash is how people categorise and stereotype society into. C stands for Class, R stands for Race, A stands for Age, S stands for Sex and H stands for Handicap and the world thought that it was just a great movie about racism. There it is, my lesson for today, my examination for tommorrow and the stillness of the unwelcomed night. July 15th 2007, many newlyweds today. They will never be left in an empty room devoid of emotion and passion. They will never want to scream, know why? Cause they'll be fighting all the time.

An empty room can be so deafening. The silence makes you want to scream.

AAAH! There I screamed.

Changes

2007-07-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

The happiest women, like the happiest nations, have no history. A quote by the grand master George Eliot, to live happy is to live in ignorance. Is it better to be happy and forgotten or upset and living through the history pages? I will make a difference in the world to atleast 222,222,222 people. Yes, that is my vow.....I know I can't change the world but well atleast 222,222,222 people will know about me and my quest to save them from wrecking havoc upon themselves. Humanity and the human soul will win, the truth is out there and inside every one of us.

Same Men

2007-05-22T02:01:00.000-07:00

Here's to the men that we love,
Here's to the men that love us,
But the men that we love,
Will never love us,
So fuck all men.......
HERE'S TO US!!

Selfish Souls

2007-05-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

-Love Thyself for no one else doth love thee true-

To kill the selfish life, is it a virtuos thing or not?
And to strangle an innocent child, is it a crime or not?
Somehow the lines between right and wrong,
Life and death,
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?

To ponder upon the greatest of creation, and praise it endlessly
And to mock and disgrace the ones judged the lesser
Somehow the boundaries between judging and opinions,
Failures and wins
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?

To jump on the next train and leave parents that love you
And to go and meet the parents who leave you
Somehow the barriers between responsibility and bravery
Have been blurred.
Is this maturity?

Thus the final word is this
that it is not what is yours, its what you miss
The act of love or
that forbidden kiss
But most of all self-love is bliss.

Noura Talib

Goodbye Love

2007-04-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

Pack all your bags, we're finished.
Leave the door open when you leave I want your smell gone.
I can't live waiting for you to come and sweep me off my feet again.
I realised I can't live with you.
I need to focus on me and my needs.
So now disappear because I know that I don't want you.
You're full of riddles that I can't comprehend.
So go away until I pick up that phone and call you to come.
For now, both of us know we will just harm each other.
Goodbye emotions.
Goodbye love.

Good Charlotte

2007-04-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

AAAHH!! Yesterday night was sooo much fun!! Moshing and pushing and screaming for LO and GOOD CHARLOTTE!!! Weehooo!! It was one amazing night!! The moon and stars were up and there was not a drop of rain in sight!! And Joel Madden Looked directly at me for at least 3 times ok?? Well the best part was just hugging J.Lo and talking to him.....well practically stammering and forgetting my oh so great lines lar.....aiyo!! I love Jason Lo's Music.....and i think he looks waaay Better than the madden bros!! Sorry lar to my friends who think otherwise!! But he vely cute wan!!

So sad we didn't meet Mukey cause then we might have gotten to get backstage!! Aiyo!! Well our luck was still high lar....i mean we just got the normal tickets then they opened the gates to us to join VIP!! So all you have to do was push through to the front and wham bam kazaam!! I was in front of the stage screaming my lungs out for Lo!! But the funniest thing happened then too...there was this guy in front of me and he actually asked if he could go to the front and we said yes cause he said his friend was at our leftside which means we can still see the stage.....so ok lar....then this dude stands directly in front of me!!! What an idiot!! I mean you say your moving then move lar!! Then i told Su leng, Sherina and Nus well we are moshing so i can shove him away!! Then this dude turns around and says well you can buzz off if you want!! And then i just smiled and say no im fine where i am...well next i turned around and su leng was telling me about how she met good charlotte backstage and got their autographs and stuff....well....then this dude after Lo finished playing he turned around and asked me which school i was from!! What a freak right?? You just told a girl off and the next second he's like interested.....what a weirdo!! Anyhow....it was a great night!!

And i know for a fact that Lo and Joel Madden definetely looked at me!! Weeeeee!!! I'm on air.....oh and you most probably wondering how am i so sure....well while moshing you are all pushed everywhere right?? and he looked at me at all those places!!! Weeeee!! And if you r all wondering the lights will make him not see the crowd but there was no bright beam from the back....and we were all also bathed in the beams of lights shining from up!!!
So that means he can view us....this is the same for hitz fm birthday bash when reshmonu said that the girls in the front row were really hot!!! See he can see us!! So ya!! There you go!! And they weren't drunk!!! hahahhahaha!!

And well 5 best things yesterday night....
1) Hugging and talking to Jason Lo
2)Taking like 5 pictures with Jason Lo
3) Moshing in the crowd and having joel, benji and travis look at me!!!
4) Just screaming along and jumping with the crowd
5) Standing on the skyroof of Hadri's car speeding through the kesas!!!

p.s. New Short Term Dream--- Interviewing J.Lo....hmmm...
p.p.s. This is a very immature post....meaning the writing....

Toast

2007-04-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why people would prefer toast with jam or with sugar than toast with just plain butter?? This is not going to be one of the life is like a piece of string....or life is like a ball....or life is like a dream.....well basically non of the life is like (something with a personification here....)
This is merely an observation, and I have personally observed that life and toast are kindda alike.....I mean people in general want toast with a flavour yet some like it plain....some like toast hot, yet some wait long minutes for it to cool down before wanting a bite.life in general, my friends, is a complicated thing to comprehend and aliking it to toasted bread does not do life any justice......but I am not aliking life to toast Im displaying the similarities between us and toast.....although sometimes people like to eat jam or sugar....don't you ever get sick and tired of jam?? Or instead of strawberry wouldn't you like some marmalade instead?? And once you had a taste of marmalade would you ever go back to strawberry.....or would you ever go back to plain bread??

Ok well.....I'm just wondering why people stay in stale relationships for so long?? And what benefits do they get from having a relationship?? I
know you get someone to love.....to hold.....to be yourself with.....but what if that falls apart and well life then what happens to that?? Would you like the taste of plain bread now?? Cause the jam's finished and there's no more sugar in the cubboard......would you like that?? I dunno....I never really tasted good jam or amazingly sweet sugar to regret them finishing and leaving my life....well....I've always been one to prefer chocolate
spread...make that chocolate hazelnut spread....NUTELLA...yum yum!! And I have always got a stock of it in the cubboard. No matter what
people's preference are I've always got my hazelnut spread.....I love you chocolate spread. My life is in need of a change.....I need a change.....or a holiday....or something.
I just need to know if I should want jam or just the same old chocolate......

Why is life so complicated?? The mysterious strings that roll into thousand miles worth of memories and emotions.......

I miss tim. I miss krystal. I miss aya. I miss moh. I miss you.....and yet I don't even know who you are.....I miss you.

Oranges

2007-04-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

You never know when life hits the unwanted curveball your way. You never understand what unrequited love feels like until it comes astrewn on your path. The way that love comes and yet how quickly it dissapears, its definetely scary.

Love, all my life there was just me and my dreams, spend my nights wondering how it would feel, when will today end and when will tommorrow start.

Somedays i would just sit alone and wonder, ponder about absurdity and insanity,pleading to my soul to resurrect the emotions lost along the way.

Sometimes the lights are turned down and the whole city sleeps tight at home, I alone wonder the darkened streets seeking a lightbulb to seek solace and grace in these upsetting nights. There doesn't seem to be anyone around me, just stillness. quiet contemplation, darkness turning into lights.

It ends tonight. It finally has.

p.s. I no longer love oranges! Sadder but wiser.
p.p.s. Written while overlooking the beautiful Jakarta skyscrapers at approximately 3am sitting at the balcony at tante Elly's house.

Jared leto

2006-11-28T20:08:00.001-08:00

How far did he want to go?
Hiding in between potholes and drainpipes
The smell of the morning dew still fresh in the air
Newly mowed grass and stale lemonade
There he goes creeping past the neatly trimmed bushes
The cardboard houses with the white picket fences
A german shepherd suddenly yowls painfully
Its owner is dead. Simple. But where is he going to?

Running through the green school field the marching band is getting assembled
O there it goes, the mother's tears as the trumpeteer blows
Sadly the song continues playing
The drum rolls, bloody threats and hidden agendas
There the shadow runs, into a tower of sticks
he lies blinded in the destruction that he causes

The watery green pools above him do not drip...
O wait, there, a teardrop falls
drip, drip, drip.....
slowly.....the facets loosens its deathly grip
and as soon as the first drip came.....
he stays sprawled eagle
Face up towards the shining sun,
Shivering in the heat, knowing that soon the bonds will break

The green pools will part and flush his pain away
he will drown in the liquid that spills itself freely
the first wave comes, out it pours from all corners
squeezing his heart and finally with one last breath he smiles,
for he knew as he floats on the waves
that he finally found hope....

Then footsteps came through the side door
he got up and hurriedly wiped the tears away
screams pierce the air and sadness engulfs the raven's heart

~All things are beautiful when seen in darkness~

Mall Viewing

2006-11-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you look at certain people in certain ways
Sometimes the ways that you look at them is the exact same way they look at themselves
Sometimes the way you look at them is the total opposite of how they look at themselves.But that's not for you to judge, its not for anyone to judge.But we still do.

That's why i love malls so much....you can look and view people from different cultures and characters. They all move in different directions. but another reason why i love malls so much is that you somehow feel a sense of belonging to it, like you can still be considered a part of society cause you are shopping with society.
You look to the left, there's the mother of two whose husband is cheating on her with her neighbour and the right there is the cousins who shop at mango and topshop and think anyone who shops at any other store are losers. In front the indonesian rich tourists laden filled with bags from guess, u2 and esprit....oh ya and braun buffel and vincci. How could i have forgotten them? then the whole teenage group of chingko kids, the girls in micro minis looking like Cinta from the movie ada apa dengan cinta (indonesian movie) and the guys in baggy t-shirts and almost all wearing specs and spiked up hairdos. (basically the kind you'll find in cyber cafes). And when you turn back there will always have to be the bunch of indian macha's who gape at my huge ass as if there's nothing huger than it! Well, there are all kinds of people in this world and the best part is without them all the stories that we view or read about wouldn't even be interesting.....i mean if everyone was wearing a plain white shirt and talking in monotonous english how could life have its flavour?? It loses all its tastebuds from being dull and tasteless.

Well ya, society will continue its judging and its analysing. But the sad thing is, they are never correct in their experimental observations. why? because people are unpredictable and HE always pulls different strings to keep the excitement up! Gish this needs alot of further explaining but i have not the time to waste right now.....later maybe....

Off

2006-11-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

Can you believe my mum?? She wants me to marry someone whose Father's name is OFF?? I mean gimme a break and what about the mother?? Is her name On??
And the son name will probably be switch....lolz....you know so when i call my hubby it'll be switch where's off?? Or switch where's on?? Gosh this is soooo lame....but well i really don't feel like marrying....aiyoo...why can't life be easy?
Its simple Colin Farell will fall in madly in love with me when he sets eyes on me and decides i'm his 'the one' when he reads my column in the New York Times and everyone will be happy cause i'm happy and my mom will be thrilled to have an irish son-in-law and then we'll have a huge wedding with a horse carriage by the beach and i HAVE to wear a diamond filled tiara!! And then we'll live happily in the canary islands (of course we'll buy our own island!) and we'll make 6 georgeous babies and live happily ever after in our palace with 50 maids (oops i forgot the one before the 50 so that's 150 maids) and our own private shopping mall (where somerset bay and Borders will be the two largest stores)and we don't have to pay. there will also be julio Iglesias, tom jones and lene marlin singing whenever i want them to and oh very important.... a 7metres by 10metres chocolate fountain!! And ferrero rocher trees......oh ya and there must be these tabasco filled wells every 7 metres apart which has never ending tabasco sauce, with endless pizza and lasagna and horfun and tomyam kitchens everywhere. Oh and the best part in this world a woman can have two husbands so then my second hubby would be orlando bloom but only he has this really deep voice like vin diesel...hmmm....
Ok well....good dreams....now i have to content myself with a manicure with flowery prints and salad platters. Oh wait and loads of course work and revision cause exams are coming up.....ok yup thats about it....well son of 'off' i hope you're a good guy....we'll see.....

Momentary Glances

2006-11-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

Momentary glances came through
foolish desires passing my bloody heart
pristine beaches line my imagination
supper for two unknown believers
pain cutting deeper into the abyss of hell
plunging myself head first into the searing flame
quietly the foootsteps of the doves patter on the ground
wings intertwine flying high cruelty of hypocrisy settles in my blood
Can a momentary glance do that?
ones selfish desires and pinpricks of affections
live in my veins pulsating full of imagination
looking this way and then turn a full circle
red blood stained my hands
anger supresses the reign of man
momentary glances at the train station....

Noura Talib...

Learnz

2006-11-18T06:11:00.000-08:00

Well tonight was one interesting night. First things first, I'm pmsing and secondly i don't feel like shite for doing something 'bad' in societies standards. Well in fact, well look at this in a new way, i mean all i was trying to do was get my point across, i might have done it in a mean and evil and (nihaad's fave words) AGRESSIVE! well ya i do get passionate about these kindda things. how can you blame me? These people have arrogance and ignorance stuck in the fluff of their brains. And this mingled with the lack of understanding why society is sooooo important. i mean people can see for themselves if the girl is good or not. You help people in their homes and you don't seem rude then how can you even listen to yesterday's gossip? If i marry a malaysian royalty i bet you that no one would care about what i did today. You may think that im a loser but i don't really care. I lost on the knowledge of how to use tack when talking to people but hey i'm not really caring about the sadness in my life but really concerntarating on the happiness. And the sadness is that a whole lotta people that i chill with/ hang out with are a bunch of losers and they are ignorant bastards. Well neways i really can't care less.

I mean i got a right to be wrong, my mistakes will make me strong. I gotta mind of my own, im flesh and blood to the bone, see im not made of stone. i love that song cause its so true....i gotta right to be wrong, i mean people learn everyday right?

The weird thing is how dejavu this is with the whole taj and resham issue....you know you're wrong but at the end of the day you just learn more about society and how to deal with them. Its like the abc of growing up. You gotta past through all 26 alphabets. I've watched it all slowly and i realised something that everyone's life is so simple but the most simplistic life i have so far seen is the one in Surabaya. I mean all they do is laugh,talk and laugh some more. But my life isn't all that lacking in dramatics, i wish it was abs.

Well, the fortune teller told me that i will get published in the New York Times and have lots of babies. Oh wait, that was me reading my own palm.

Well ya, i know that my mom is worried about her rep for owning a very rude child. Well i know i am rude, if i wasn't i would be Liza.

I am the rudest child out of all their children.
I give my parents the most problems.
I am THE BLACK SHEEP!!

I like to think that i'm just suffering from some deficiency in manners. (think i spelt that wrongly) aka i am a spoilt child and really i was talking about it to one of my friends the other day and we were wondering what makes a spoilt child. Well i also like to think that i am just young and passionate about my beliefs, you know i realised something i always like people to believe what i believe in as well, i want them to be convinced. But half the time i always find out that they can't be swayed. and they will fight back. Well you know what? ? You learn something new everyday, like i just found out about how to delete viruses of your pen drive by just formatting it. Well you're talking to a new computer user lar....i'm still traditional and old-fashioned. Ahem ahem.....

Cards

2006-10-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Why issit that sometimes the flurry of everyday activities seem to hurry on somedays and slow down on others? It seems that whenever i get more religious, more exciting things seem to happen to me. Maybe for the worst or for the best but always for some reason....all i have to do is pray for the best no matter what. Well somedays life just seems as if nothing is going right and other days life seems to move forward....and the train does'nt slow down its engines to let you down, but you're really tired and you need a break....i want that burnout lifestyle...the mundane and ordinary is getting very boring...i need excitement...i need drama....well i am A DRAMA QUEEN!! hehe!! Anyways life still goes on mundane or passionately exhilirating but the best part is that even with all the toys of yesteryear....i still haven't entertained myself well enough.

Well there are a few things you'd like to know about arabs....they are very and i mean VERY hospitable...hahaha...no i don't mean their always in the hospital...no i mean the doors to their homes sentiasa terbuka, directly translated to their doors are always opened. And their smiles...oh their smiles. Old women especially love company...and they always smile when company's around....well thats how it is then. the super hospitable are all almost gone and what is left are a westernised,closed up part of humans which you never thought could be possible....well this is true for the Arabs of S'pore....mostly they are all concerntrated on brands and the fact that they only need to mix with crowds that have atleast a title. Haven't they heard of a saying that says Arrogance can destroy you?? Well My records have played and my uncles have drawn their cards...let me draw mine....3 Aces. I win.

There's gotta be more to life

2006-10-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well abs....anyways, tonight was AMAZING!! Well actually yesterday night....we sat on the rooftop on my telok kurau house and they shisha'd and i ate crisps and choccies!! And we all listened to sweet music and the breeze was there and well....it was all good. A great night, the moon was full, the breeze was coming....and the company was great. Well ya just to remind you that breakfast is attached and he's not interested in me....how upsetting...He's interested in Nusrat cause on my main profile picture its both of us and when he realized that the girl he was attracted to was not me well he viewed her profile then....ok....well....then...I cried....but then....i got bored....then i thought...i haven't been able to tell anyone this...so its kept inside and then suddenly i realized something. Something awoken inside me.....the chess of love will move its next piece whenever it wants to but for now....i'm single and life goes on. =) And i love my life...why is it that when people are placed high above the ground they tend to think more clearer?

Sweet Lands

2006-09-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

Why is it that the narcissitic part of people just seem to appear due to their incompetence in acknowledging the fact that everyone is equal and that they are not superior to anyone just by looking ok.....Gosh its like the world has turned inside out with the complete lack of immoral justice that we as citizens of this place called earth, we turn it to become some obstacle instead of something that brings meaning and joy to our otherwise pathetic lives. Well, turns out that grey cap had gone to gundu land and all that's left is Nerd and the lame excuses of yesterday....how is it that someone who strives to always and i mean always feel positive about life, how is it that one single mistake or a seed of self-doubt would change everything in a blink of an eye. So what is the reasoning behind all the foray and spy movies of today? Why do people need to be entertained by the simplistic reasons of 'Dude where's my car?' and the stupid inane mumblings that restrain all walks and curtains of life from fulfilling their highest ambitions.....waking up from catatonia land cause the black flags have been shown and soon the world would end....

The question is should I display my love on the walls of Orchard road or hide it inside the little hut in the green jungles in Kenya? What is the answer? I never seem to understand it, the power of love....it actually motivates and really love is great.....all the different types. Love, love.

Forget

2006-09-25T03:33:00.000-07:00

There are somedays when you really want to forget someone and it really is hard to do. Its like you know something and that you have finally met someone that you'd like to be with for the rest of your life and there is that long awaited walk down the aisle to that same face. The question needs to be answered and yet you don't know if the right answer will ultimately be the right one because of all the confusion that comes along with the life we lead today.....
There has got to be a lot less inconvieniences to day and yet more complications arise...such as we can pee inside the house and with one flush the poo or pee goes of somewhere else and yet all these new diseases come propping up in your life, like, cancer.....
You think that one decision will be correct, its definite, the answer is the correct one but, how do you know that in the face of this one man,or person(i'm not lesbian, this post not made for me but for a friend), do you want your kids to resemble this person... I truly think that this whole situation is a mess and that there is no way out of it unless, well, unless they meet up. Then the lustre of the performance would dissapear.

So why can't we forget people easily? Because really....deep inside, you really don't want to forget them.

ZIZOU

2006-07-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes leadership is bestowed upon your already burdened shoulders and the responsibilties just keep on piling up...and your whole body and mind seems so weak to do anything right, you can't think and the whole bubble that once envelopes you so cuddly just bursts in one powerful bomb. The ways of man will not make amendments amongst each other and fear of something is pulling structure to my aid instead of individuality. Why do people not understand that love and life will never save the day?

Maybe passion will help, passion and fear instead of love and the art of living.....if you have love you won't be driven unless you are passionate about that particular person or thing. Ok im crapping here, gosh you are such a loser.....hehehe.....

Well love France, the world cup team. I don't know but somehow i need them to find some leverage in my life, some sort of balance in the last few weeks, and since they haven't dissapointed me i guess all my passion and fear lies with them, somehow my life now is dedicated to them and some little bird told me that all their luck is dedicated to me. So they took my life and luck and i took their fear and passion. Well as long as it goes back the same way it was before, no one's complaining. I know i'm not, well to everyone who told me France sucks, you suck at choosing teams man!! HahHAHHAHAH!! Even if they lose to Italy they made it to the finals and to all those people your teams were all kicked out in the beggining so take this!! HAH! Im so bleeding proud of France it's amazing, i can't believe they made it this far, with all their obstacles and all the bad press about them, well they do have the luck, my luck....and let's hope that their luck will lead their way to the cup....

p.s. ZIZOU even if you are not a practising muslim, i think you should start praying, well you will when you marry me!! HEHEHHE!

Chances

2006-07-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

Tommorrow is scaring me as i really don't know what can or will happen.....its like a jump off the empire state building and you need to grab that string tying you to life or a freefall downwards. Somehow i really don't think i'll grab hold of that string....its like a feeling of failure. To know you have failed before you even jumped off that building. Well how am i so sure? I am still afraid to jump....still afraid to take chances, still afraid to be me.

Somedays life shows you the path to who you are and other days that path seems so distant so far off reach, just another life lead by someone else....i wish i was someone who could make people proud, someone to mean something to and someone who is not ashamed of her real self and needs to hide behind this mane of blonde hair.

Im sorry to me. You have treated me unkindly, and im sorry for hurting your feelings.

Misieng Peeps

2006-07-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybookand write me away from here
I need a difference now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...
Once upon these days

There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable we spoke our destiny
Let's take a moment out and go were we never go
Let's make a new world now

Then one day we'll find
when we're looking back at this time
Wondering how we've come so far from this
When we close our eyes

What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What are we doing here?
Who are we supposed to be?
I'll take a better world
I'll take anything
I'll take our little world now....
Happy After...Once upon these days

Sisterhood of the travelling pants lyrics........

Malls

2006-05-11T08:45:00.000-07:00

Malls...shopping malls...wondering through one made me realise how much a shopping mall reflect society. It is a person watching society change and adapting with us and our new and innovative technologies and fads. The mall would always stand there watching and impersonating society, this in turns influences the people who have yet grasps the latest updates. We learn from the malls and malls learn from us. So who teaches who?

Berhenti

2006-03-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

I missed the oppurtunity to get you babe to stay with me.
Never thought i'd regret the excuses that I've made
Like a song, it will fade
So I put my feeling out to dry
Love, one day you again i'll have to try
Falling out, making love it's seems such a silly game
Why do I never gain?
If there is music in the night and it's really really right....It's the only thing I need.
It intoxicates your mind all your troubles left behind, so come on and take my lead
It's not just me who feels it
Music plays a mind trick
Watch me forget... about missing you....WoW!

Going

2006-03-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes people come into a pathway in their life where they either go on or they stay just as they are, and sometimes people can go on while staying the same but others they go on with a whole lot of changes....the remainder of these people well, they never change and always stay as they are, but in reality who is really the best person? Who is making an impact upon life on this world? Which one is really the worst off? Well its a path you forge out yourself, whichever path ridden on is the path you chose so, if thats the way you want it to be then....you have accomplished all your goals. And if you are not on the path that you want to be on and if you look deep into yourself and find out that you don't really love yourself then Noura you will be a failure. A chaotic depressive mess and all around you will be darkness.......light has faded and the colourful windows have all been passed before.....thus finding the right conclusion to the statements made...well....they will find your self.

Hang Tuah? Tak Tuah lah!

2006-02-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

**STEPHEN-RAHMAN HUGHES

Why can't there be more presence on stage? *ARGH!* Beautiful lights, Amazing scores and wonderful seats... the grand circle!! What more can anyone want? Oh ya...a better Hang Tuah...sorry dude you kindda didn't pass off well enough, and the slight lisping doesn't help either. Well atleast he can carry a tune, a very long streched spine tingling note....lasting for about....4 Hours? hehe! But why can't there be more presence on the stage? Wish M.Nasir could come and be Hang Tuah...hmm...well one less yummy chocolate doughnut face to cuci mata with. But atleast the play will be salvaged!! Well let's see....let's leave M.Nasir to be Hang Tuah and Stephen-Rahman can be Hunk Muda! Hehe...LAME!!! Well...giggling, snorting and throughly enjoying it....life can be such a nag sometimes but with Puteri Gunung Ledang it helps being pulled into dreams. If only the Puteri was me....

Di atas gunung yang tidak berapi
Suatu hari ada yang menanti
Kedatangan kamu kedalam negeri
Untuk membawa kamu kepada Puteri.
Dari Harrods ke KLCC
Dari the Thames sampai Klang Valley
Kamu akan sampai satu hari
Dan di atas gunung yang tidak berapi
Perjumpaan kamu dengan puteri ini.

-Noura Talib-

Hehehe....doing assignment and feeling very lame....well let's resume the inane gigling and the foolish thoughts for without dreams life would never be meaningful at all!

Puteri's At Gunung Ledang

2006-02-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

At the Puteri Gunung Ledang show....Sarah, Natasha, Nadrah, Nusrat and Noura (aka Me)....looking FAT but its all cool.....the screen at back says Puteri Gunung Ledang....very faintly can see....

Think

2006-02-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there is a line drawn between what is right and what is wrong....and sometimes its blurred. I'm standing in between wondering where to jump to...where should my ending abode be? The world of the leprechauns, magical creatures and fantastic looking men....or the world of life upon another world? Thoughts of life upon another world at least. Well thoughts won't get no one anywhere...so just end this now. Goodnight.

Clinicx

2006-02-13T11:33:00.000-08:00

Got to understand that a days work by someone
Shouldn't be paid unto another person....
Got to understand that some friends
will only remain as friends, nothing more,nothing less....
Got to comprehend that loneliness...
only happens to those that want to be alone....
Got to know that tommorrow....
Will bring as much happiness as sorrow.

** won't this ever end? This painstakingly handmade life path....and when it does will i ever be ready to greet it with open arms?**

*vignesh is going down down down*

=)

2006-02-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

Sweet smells, sandy pits, sunset lights, Amroo's smiles.....telling tales and fidgety fools, Askanazi marriages and Stupid peeps. Spies all around....reading even this.....how can time not lose itself when the sand is passing through? Baby crying....obsessive love, cartoons commotion.....and beauty up above.

Cookies and Muffins

2006-02-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Chocolate cookies....and blueberry mufins....symbols of two different portions of my life...why does life hand people another chance? To make sure that they get it wrong the second time? Or to allow them another chance to get it right?
learn from your mistakes, don't fall down again....always believe that God has a plan for everyone....even the Denmark asshole. God has a plan....it may not come now....but it will show soon....have faith and love will lead you back home.

Hundred

2005-11-09T21:28:00.000-08:00

A hundred letters I never sent to you
Which I've left lying on the ground
A hundred unanswered questions
Answers I never found

A thousand times I've called you
But then hung up the phone
A thousand times a day I miss you
And feel so alone

A hundred half slanted doors
Left half opened never closed
A hundred apologies I gave to you
The ones that you disposed

A thousand times I cry at night
Because I miss you the most
A hundred times I've regretted
Letting us become so close

A hundred times I've asked myself
What did our talks mean
A hundred times I thought just maybe
This is all a bad dream

A hundred times I've pondered
Is it meant to be us two
A hundred times I've wished
That I didn't still love you

A hundred times I've wondered
Did you love me like you said
A hundred times I've hoped that
Our love is not yet dead

So now I'll ask you did you love me
Like you once told me
Do you think it could live up to
What I wanted us to be

I don't have to hear your answer
Because your head is hanging low
Everything we once had was a lie
Because you just told me no.

HARry Raya

2005-11-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

Its HARRY ROYA TOMMOLLOW!!! ...okay that was ages aso......when I still had the chance of a lifetime to not screw up my bloddy frrokying english paper....when my A was confirmed....when.....when.....when....I still had an attraction to the opposite sex......now its so hard to have a thing for men. HEhEHEHEhe! I feel so gay...no i'm just joking puh-lease! I need to breathe real air, get away from all the wobbly butts and the cute dimples....not nipples!!
(siti nurhaliza+blonde hair= dumb blonde)
Tarik's smile is infectious, want his smile babaye! Well that's just lame when you rehelly want to scream and jump on the monkey bars at Al-Hidayah...just jump from on bar to the next or run around the huge field at Bentley primary and scream your momma jokes at the top of your lungs. Need a break man!!!! You didn't sleep one whole night for studying purposes! WEEHOOO! never did that before....quite scary and impressed with it....my maths better be great!! Or else sooomebody's gunna get hurt!!Maths tomolo. Scared like shite.....just wanna jump into the pool half empty of shite and mud....rolling and mucking around acting like the princess of Mombasa.

Rental

2005-09-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Do I have a for sale sign stuck on my forehead? Or most probably a I'm single and free sign...plastered all around. It's like finally guys are asking for my number and stuff....like finally people actually want to know me.....not like that matters i turn them down anyways. Gosh i'm feeling weird today....exams are coming up and auntie nadima just says that i should get married. What a weirdo!! Well feeling not too bad now and echo's having a PAR-TAy soon....yippee!! Adamas hottiee!! How do you know when someone you hate likes you and someone you like hates you? Why is the world filled with superficial beings filled with their own selfish desires. What goes around comes around.....i don't know what would become of me.....I'm feeling terrified of the shadows on the walls, scared of the words that they whisper....how can a girl grow up to be a murderer? A girl would grow up to be what she wants to be.....lalalala....love saying that.....lalalalalala!! WEEEEEEE.......Coral reefs and Hawaiian beaches. Love the whirlpools and tornadoes.....hahahahahhaha!! Die people DIE!! hehhehehehe!! I'll save you idiots!! Kingdom Asia's best fighter......the Taliban Princess!!

~God gave everyone a plan~

Wings

2005-09-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

To die or not to die
To pierce or not to pierce
To have or not to have
To lose or not to lose
To jump or not to jump
To love or not to love
To breathe or not to breathe
To hug or not to hug
To cry or not to cry
To smile or not to smile
To laugh or not to laugh
To dig or not to dig
To eat or not to eat
To fly or not to fly
When will I have my wings?
When will this choice be right?
When will I love again?
When will I takeoff the first flight?
When will I make a choice
When will I be right?
When will I have my wings?
When? When? When?

~wings of gold come all the time but true love.....it comes once in a lifetime~

~lalalalalalalala~

Haemophilia

2005-09-13T01:38:00.000-07:00

The days pass by and the power of love has passed by through his dead cold hands...the possibility of love with any human being has long left him. Its quite sad really after hearing his plight of seeking true love and getting destroyed at every corner by another girl that this young and healthy straight male decided to take a step into the other side and become a gay. Remember you have no problems with gays but just that somehow or rather these thoughts come up and i wonder how would it feel to be a guy? I mean really, the way you have to hold a girl's waist and buy her flowers and pamper her with money and dinners.....how would a guy manage all this? And why? For love? I don't believe that love to that stage can be allowed to grow in this young stage of people's lives. Ok well ya, decided that i don't have anything against gays and lesbians as people but i do have something against their priorities and values. Maybe that's why i could never be close friends with people without faith in their lives....or is it the hand of God covering me from their stares and their embraces.
Well it's not like you should stop watching Queer Eye For a Staright Guy! Love Jai! hehe. It rhymes.....
Vignesh is going down down down!~ This is with me for life! that's just So sardonic.

Listen Row

2005-09-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes words escape from the deepest wells of my being and run around as little hooligans shrieking out loud for attention and other times they just run and play amongst themselves, collecting more little hooligans to add the water in the well...what does this mean? Well, Noura this means that you want be listened to and want to listen to others. So what does the wind bring whistling to my ears? The sadness and the pain of the palestinians? Or the happiness and success of the Jews? Or is this a rojak of both?

As i was watching the butts of Arabs go wobbly wobbly I screamed out HEY LADY! YOU FORGOT TO WEAR PANTIES WHEN YOU GREW UP! Then a voice just like reshmy's came whispering in a hungama thunder, you never wear panties too Noura! Hehehehe!
So waiting there in the lecture hall I was pondering the thoughts of the bluebirds and the magpies that surround me and I forgot to wear my underwear.....well gotta self-motivate my fat body to work out and jump to the clouds without underwear of course....haha. I like that laugh it makes things sound absolutely sacarstic and yet it brings this kind of sanity with it....haha. Hehehehehe! LOLZ! ok I'm rehelly goin mental here....Sunway people are not all their up to be.
Well who is these days?

~white people are afraid of the black man....white people are afraid of arab man....white people are afraid of the chines man....and white people are afraid of the russian and german man....tell me one type of person a white man isn't afraid of? Oh wait...GOD~

~wobbly wobbly Arab Butts doing sumo wrestling and beating drums, ante asreashmah~

Somedays

2005-09-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

Somedays watching the clouds roll by....can be quite interesting....other days it gets plain boring! AHHH!! I am feeling so the lame....well...AHHH!!

I need to breathe...just breathe....pretentious people surround me and the best part of the story is that it doesn't show any feelings,no loss, no love, no emotions....just somedays.....sometimes I want to be alone and be with silence...silence and darkness....with the only light escaping from my heart.....the light of faith.

So, someday when the world has passed me by~I sit around and wonder why~You were always there for me~Why can some people just stick with you no matter what and others just seem to dissapear? Why?

So there I am somedays wanting to be alone and other days to be amongst people...isn't it tiring to be with people all day long? Somedays life takes a rollercoaster dive downwards spiralling into an exhilirating adrenaline pumping time for a short time and then sadness and self pity engulfs the body,burning hot flames into the soul. But then its time to carry on and go up steadily all over again, pick up and move on...pick up and continue the rollercoaster ride again. Sometimes the cart that rides the body would be filled with different people and then....the cart empties and the remaining people left are the ones you call true friends. Well true friends and soulmates....both staying in the cart, until the end where the rollercoaster ride literally ends and it ceases to continue, ending in a complete stop.

Lamenting upon the lost past....crying underneath a starry filled night...by a murky dark lake side....I wonder, Somedays.....

CAR-MINE

2005-09-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

MY FUTURE HUSBAND TO BE.......

Little Thoughts

2005-08-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well....life's gotta go on.....I don't think i'm up to doing speech therapy anymore. I mean so many other courses to choose from....why speech therapy?? Well ya, get to work with disturbed children and get to touch tongues all day....and there is a short course on psychology included in the course, I would leave not only as a speech pathologist but also as a reader of the human being. How can someone read a person? I mean...isn't that weird having a shrink look at you and analze you and your emotions? How can someone know who you are inside and out through text books and experiments? That's just plain freaky.... I don't think anybody knows me well enough....cause if they do they would probably start running away to an undisclosed location so I won't be able to scare them there.....hehehhee!! No really there is this complicated side of me even I haven't fully comprehended, this sadistic, psychotic and well undescribable side.....some may call it immaturity cause when that side starts talking they all go...."Noura grow up"....well I dunno what the scientists would name it but it's called something like 'instinct'.

Somedays when the time passes you by and you mix with forty five different people there is this gut wrenching feeling that makes the mind instantly judge the people you're with....
I have came to realize that people are an amazing species and they all have their different and uniqueness....some you feel utterly comfortable with, even at first meetings, some you just will never let down your guard.
Why do some people tell these little thoughts out loud? They scare people away.....maybe people just don't like to hear the truth, well face it, its reality.....I know that things which are not nice to hear aren't all that bad....it makes you realise your mistakes and nobody's perfect, they might have problem's with their parents, some with their marks, others just have problems making friends....these are just the few little thoughts that run through the mind....why? Why? WHY? Why are they like that? Why don't they have any friends....and we all just come up with our own version of the tale. Assuming and prying, everyone is curious.....well just that people who mention anything about it well they would be warned at....well i guess going against the norms would make that happen.....Well i have heard some weird things that this little brain has been telling mebut well, as long as all those little thoughts that pop out of my head stay in my head and don't escape through my mouth, I reckon I'll probably keep some great friends around me....

But now I'm still confused if I should do speech therapy or not....hmm.....little thoughts, dirty little elvish ghoulish things swimming in the murky warm pools of your creative mind....

Lovebird

2005-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with two glossy, colourful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly freely in the sky, bringing joy to whoever that saw him.

One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two traveled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird. But then she thought: "He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy at the bird's ability to fly. And she felt alone.

So she thought: "I'm going to set a trap, the next time the bird appears, he will never leave again". The bird that was also in love returned the following day fell into the trap and was put in a cage.

She looked at the bird every day, there he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends who said: " Now you have everything you could possibly want." However a strange transformation had taken place now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss, he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention except by feeding him and cleaning put his cage.

One day the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking of him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him fly for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.

If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
-Paulo Coelho-

Affair

2005-08-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

You used to be a friend of mine
But I was so wrong
My heart told me reality was filled with lies
and yet it was truth all along.
You used to hold me
Watch me cry....
And I couldn't breathe
Because your love was there...through the night

Now I want the days to leave...
Your eyes burned with scarred tears
Of the pain I caused
But now I see that it was your fears
Of me discovering my loss.....

I lost to you my sacred friend
You stole the heart away
And yes I'll hate you to the very end
As now I sit and pray......

Pray that life would steal my pain
Pray that he'll come back again
Pray this nightmare can't be seen
Pray that I'm still living my dream

But the past has left
And the present is loneliness
For the knife cuts my chest
And my heart came out with it.....

So sad the toys that never brought smiles
So bad the boys that make you cry
but I thought you were different
I thought you wouldn't hurt me
But this hurt cuts deeply
and it can't be fixed with a sorry.

Your calls don't get answered....
Your joys won't be fully endured
You will torture your soul into sadness
for you have lost all happiness....
The day you betrayed me
The day the eyes saw selfish desires only
The day lust broke our friendship into two
Oh Jealousy, I hate you.

Only Hope

2005-07-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

Time just passes you by when you're feeling a little upset and dismayed at what life brings to the front door. Instead of a lollipop I got spicy tomyam......not bad....still a favourite.....but just spicy and flustering not sweet and down-to-earth. There's something I found rather odd today.....people....you just gotta have your differences to make good friends.....you learn new things from different people....broaden your mind towards different viewpoints of matters with similarities.
Weird, you can't find someone identical to you......everyone is different....just like now....I'd probably bore my friends into sleepdom if I start talking about Philosophy and Politics and Poetry....my fave three P's and of course anyone can talk to anyone about the other P.....People. That seems to me to be a universal fave amongst anyone.....either talking about other people or themselves and their mundane lives.....because people only talk about themselves when their feeling down and disheartened.....nobody compliments themselves or say out loud that they are proud about their latest accomplishments(just another one of the unspoken laws of society).
Odd, rather odd.....I personally now belief that whatever happens it's for a reason....if God knows what he's doing and i believe he knows what he's doing than why complain? why prevent yourself from experiencing pleasure or pain? The rules of society must be obeyed....of course I agree.....but why do people create these barriers and boundaries? Life is too short I say.....be open and positive about everything....some people may hurt you....but that's because you think too much about their actions and contemplate alone in your room the 300 possibilities why that action took place and question their intentions.....but hey so what if they don't love you? so what if they hate you? that's their problem....go and question why....to them and not yourself.....confrontation and explanations is the key.......but hey....if I had enough patience....i'd just continue living my life as per normal forgive and forget.....many people are going to come into this life......they will try to inflict pain, happiness and the utmost horror.......but only to the extent that you allow it to.
Only you control your life, only you can follow your heart, only God can help you, only hope......

Subang

2005-07-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

do they look within
the boy hiding in between
confused alone wondering
where did he go wrong...
do they smile and care
the child with ugly hair
all day he just stares
no one hears his song...
do they stroke and taste
the starved lips and face
he just fell from grace
walking all alone...
do they cheat and lie
his mind's sacrifice
the heart starts to cry
spirits rise and moan...
they don't care, don't love, don't wait, don't hug....like me
why do they get his love....
and not me?

One thing

2005-07-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, i've been trying to let it go
Trying to keep my eyes closed
Trying to keep it just like before....
The times we never even thought to speak
Don't wanna tell you what it is
Oh 'we' it felt so serious.....got me thinking just too much
I wanna set it off, but.....
It's this one thing that's got me trippin
It's this one thing that's got me trippin
You did this one thing my soul may be feeling
It's this one thing you did oh oh
It's this one thing that caught me slippin
It's this one thing I want to admit it
This one thing and I was so with it
It's this one thing you did oh oh
Hey, we still don't know each other well
So what? I keep thinking to myself
Memories just keep ringing bells....
Hear voices I don't want to understand
My car keys are jingling in my hand
My high heels are clicking towards your door....but this one thing stopped me from knocking.

Double

2005-07-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

well life's like that...you get some....you lose some....and some just never cross your path......that's what people do to you.....make you feel inane, worthless and stupid....yet at the same time those very same people can make you feel secure, confident and loved in an amazing way........that's something that people do......life's mysteries yet unsolved......why do they respond that way? why can people love and harm?
I saw a painting.....in it was a dark beauty, full of youth.....barefeet walking......the desert behind her...her lips dry, her hair dry, her eyes beautiful black coals shining with an extinguishing light.......yet she keeps on walking......there were thunderclouds behind her.......those clouds are something evil for her.....she may get struck by thunder.....but at the same time those same clouds may quench her thirst.........equivocalism....life's like that.....a two sided coin.

Happy

2005-07-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

I can speak about the pain you know
What you say you didn't see
I can show you all my scars you know
The ones I keep inside of me
Would that make it easier
Or would it be the same
Sorry that I could not be
As perfect as you wanted me
Just wondering what's going on in your mind
I sure hope you're fine
I hope your conscience is clear
Hope you're happy....Hope you're smiling....

Confidence

2005-07-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

bruise and battered by your words.....things have shattered now it hurts.......there seem to be many paths that I will have to tread to find out your intentions....the truth will always be hidden....your skeletons will be kept quietly.....I should be happy to know you dedicated 'four times a lady' by Craig David to me.....but why are my thoughts directing me to think that the song was not meant for me but for her. She is afterall your dream....

The failure of my heart....just decided not to pump any more blood anymore.....just love and life no more blood and anger......i give up.....the walls are closing me in and there doesn't seem to be any doors or windows to crawl out from.....just remain in this narrow,dank box......forever my bones will remain alone....until my confidence rises.

thanks someone.....for this.....
people can find the worst in themselves and the best in themselves......people can figure out the sadness and the happiness in their lives, to rise above themselves and feel hope that's the strength in people....if you stop hoping noura, you stop living.....so don't stop.

So thank you......for every last bruise you gave me, for everytime i sat in tears, for the million ways you hurt me.....i just wanna say thank you....jannar.... thanks for showing me that there is a life out there waiting for me.....until my confidence rises.

Lose

2005-07-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

life is quite interesting when you think about it.....you know that they are hiding things from you......alot of shit underneath the surface.....I was born to try.....that, I know it's not hidden

and well....the ways that people display affection is quite interesting.....they find the stupidest reasons to call or message......they want to hang on longer to find out more.....to love someone is to want to be with that particular person at all times....talk about the person at all times and to dream about that person at all times.......to make up lame excuses and to be continually persistent until that particular person finds out that they are interested.

I used to think it was over
But its only just begun......
I used to feel like a loser
Now i'm having so much fun
I used to cry regularly
Preferred rain to the sun.....
I used to want your approval
Now I know i'm number one!

Seek the path of love and seek the path of patience....if he really did like her then,well, i went out with an asshole.....and if he didn't then,well......i went out with a loser......either way i loose.....

Love complicates

2005-07-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

Love its always on way or the other....on side more emotions being spilled then the other....that is the unequality of the situation the unequivocal of sounds mixing into different colours. The imbalance of calculations of relationships.....either the girl or the guy would love each other more...its plain facts of history. A known fact!! After just recently recovering from a relationship where i was not the one being pampered but more of the pamperer and as a girl that totally destroyed me....literally destroyed my ego and every bit of respect i had for myself.....life is unfair and love is an unfair game to play. I put myself on his feet and let him take absolute control over me.....kindda questioning myself why i allowed him to do it?? Why did he have so much control over me?? How did i reduce myself to barely shreds as i gave myself away to him and let soul be opened to the world to view?? The pain that after all i did i wouldn't be the best girl in his books....emotionally it would be Cheri and physically it would be penelope cruz...What a boost to the ego.....he would never research on me how deep he researched about ahem and probably also how deep he researched anything that had to do with her.....hmmm....its like a driving force that encourages me to be someone stronger to me.........and don't ever let down your guards and barriers too early in any relationship....oh see that skin,its the same she's been standing in...since the day she saw him walk away...now she left cleaning up the mess he made....it always ends this way....women are too sentimental....all i wanted was a white knight.....but well love is a complicated thing

~baby hello!oh no!goodbye~

Makeup

2005-07-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

well...today was a remarkably good day....so far....i personally do not believe that vanity is food for the worn out soul but well....today changed my perceptive 180 degrees. Not the full circle. What was about today that made it special? not much really....saw the same people.....ate at the same table...saw the same teachers.....but why was it a good day? so far....that is.
Well for the first time i decided from some heavy persuading that i would put on makeup in college and go around strutting myself.....hhehehee!! so that's exactly what i did!! and after putting on eyeliner and lip mosturizer i was ready to show my face to the world, wondering the responses.
I was hoping to meet this particular b-ball player from WMU who never not once glanced my way(mei mei said otherwise)......i was wondering if i had indeed changed.....if i was pretty.....if i was georgeous.....if i was beautiful.....nothing stopped me in my path for experimenting.....so i went.
Everyone i met except for closest pals...hmm.....well everyone i met complimented me on my looks......it was like i had changed into someone new or something....just with the help of a little makeup. Thank Gawd that they did....if not i would have thought i could never be pretty....but is that all it takes....just a dab of eyeliner and a little lipgloss?? A little effort to look good?? Is that all it takes for the compliments to come?? Then what is the meaning of beauty? Making an effort? What is the definition of beauty?
So there i was getting alot of looks from people who yesterday just gave me a passing glance, today.....well let's say it was more than a glance. My friend from class even tried to flirt with me!! AAAHHH!! It's not like i'm ugly....but this simple experiment showed me that its not how i looked that was attracting attention it was how i felt while i was looking like that. After gaining all the compliments the confidence soared!! I swear it was like high above the clouds.......hehhehe!! So what i decided to do was wipe of all the makeup and go back to my old self....not like i'm ugly or something.....just that i looked pale and tired.....Shob's words.....well I'm in pre-university course whattaya expect me to look??
And the cute b-ball player from WMU....i met him today......he smiled at me.....checked me out.....maybe she's born with it.....maybe its a little makeup to boost a little confidence!!Or just a little makeup!!
I was like that.....that girl you'd see and say wow...i finally understand why i feel so disillusioned after Jannar left me......it was because he never got to see the best of me...only the worst.

Mrs Hor i will do it....and i will make it!.....another compliment today!!! I would prove that you were right!!
Thanks to the Lord for allowing me to experience today.....feel like seeing.....nevermind.....

Incomplete

2005-06-30T01:05:00.000-07:00

incomplete-the hollowness of the heart, atleast i gained the affections of a love that even time cannot fade....what i need now is a list of accomplishments and i WILL goet that list okay?? i will be the first singaporean to dance under the moonlight at a unknown island i which of course would be owned by me.....i'll have an inn by the sea where all the monkeys and the donkey and the cats can come visit moi! with loads and loads of mnm's on the roofs and mars bars and swiss chocolate lining my fridge which is purely ice i don't believe in electronics.....but i'm using a computer.....im a contradictory FREAK!!! well i HATE HATE HATE smoking...so on my island there will be no one smoking....heheheh!! big dreams huh? well without dreams and a goal where would anyone be in life but a drifter....hmmm....not a bad thing to be i'm guessing. incomplete why issit that's just how i'm feeling today??

Manipulate

2005-06-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

never comprehending the mysterious workings of a complicated mind....blind from the glares of popularity and never ending shrieks. fixtures on a bare lightbulb lights my head up....dizziness controlling the anger inside. Spinning with my arm open.....the stiches haven't healed yet....i saw a man with 50 stiches across his chest and i asked him what operation did he do? he said he had a tear on his heart and replaced it with a new one....i got extremely jealous of him for his scars can be seen, unlike mine.
Dolls moving in unison working in the dark abyss of reality tv shows and Raj still hasn't got a girl yet!! :) well guess he's waiting for his first blue pathetic day.
Your curious....you keep on guessing.....yet the emancipation of the facts still i can't understand.
the times when comparisons are meaningless and times when love is even more meaningless.
Patience time will tell.....you will always be my only one....my only one.
Relationships are meant to be broken...what if they are meant to be lost....lost far away drifting through the sands of time....passing faces and trees....i like to count the number of colours each car would have.....each car has a rainbow of colours....why issit some only seem black and yet are full of colours? i found out something today....life is beautiful only if you want it to be. people believe only what they want to believe.....ignorance is bliss

Moon

2005-06-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

i learnt something yesterday something that my daddy told me....he watched this show and well this young boy wanted to now about life and asked his kungfu master. teacher what is life??......the teacher replied," life,is like a corridor and the last door is death" then the young boy asked again then what happens after death? the teacher again replies"throw this stone into the murky pond". the boy obeyed and threw the stone into the pond and with a splash it dissapears ,then the teacher said...."now tell me what happened to the stone?", think now what happened to the stone........i know i did......................then the young boy said....the stone is in fresh waters.

the fascination with death has always been a controversial issue....different religions and different races.....their opinions and views coinciding with one another....hmmm....the moon was a full circle and it shone yellow light unto the world....i remembered an experience which was never brought up since i left Australia....

i was at islamic camp in Australia and there was this night where me hanifah,yasmin and sumayyah(i think) were told to navigate our way through the rough Australian Outback....no torches and no lights.....just forests and forests and a compass with no light, except for the moonlight. i remembered walking past a graveyard and the whole graveyard was bathed in moonlight....although most of the girls found it eerie...i know Hanifah was screaming, i thought it was amazingly pretty. A Pretty sight....weird right? but the moon looked its best that night....until i saw the moon last night......i learnt something.....hmmm.....still learning

Ja6na

2005-06-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

he's so full of drama tactics...a great friend indeed..helped me countless of times..always at home when i turun sunway..eventhough you made me wait for nearly 2 hrs when u went to Bsar for bfast..whats wrong with our new cafeteria la...not romantic enough with all the new mood setting lights and decor..he wont admit it ..but he really is a Drama king..sneaky and always manipulating ppl or situations in his favour..list goes long..cool guy to go clubbing , golf with..always on the look out for girls eventhough he is going out with someone i think..gonna enrol in flying school soon.that's all.....vignesh kindda sum up in these words exactly what i have been feeling....well....he was out for fun and nothing more than that and i was too stupid to realise that. somedays there are times in between having friends taunt me and listening to Mr Lawrence attack malaysia and hating the world at large......i feel there is this emptiness inside me. this ache that deepens with time, a drift from the people that grow around me. it's weird that life takes people into different doors...some in to Canada, some to New York, some to Langkawi, some to Singapore and some to Perth.....everywhere they disperse like the autumn leaves rustling in the wind. I hope the winds stop blowing and life stays the same.....ja6na is gone...Shab is gone....Saiks is gone...soon i'm going. well somehow i feel that life should be lived with no regrets but i do regret going out with him....i rehelly do....i think he made me feel that i was inferior to everyone around me......but i am not.....maybe i was because i went out with him...but now since its over i know that i am not inferior to anyone....if i was i wouldn't have any friends cause i wouldn't get any respect or care from anyone. But i do.....and i do regret going out with that manipulative bastard....and i wasn't used to get anybody, he really did love me, but i wasn't ready for a relationship that fast and well...i think i idolized him too much that it got into his head.....hmmm.....well live life without regrets....love life with all its tests.....missing you hurting inside....

Great Mockingbird

2005-06-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

What have I done?
What if it's too late now?
Did I do all I could, did I?
Did I make it good, did I?
Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Did I think it through, did I?
What if all I want is you?

[chorus]
And now,
I won't see you again
The moment was there but we lost it
Time changed it all
And we let it
We let it happen
And nowI wonder how it would be
If things stayed the same and we liked it
The end of a search 'cos we found it
How would it be?How would it be?How would it be?How would it be?

What have we done?
What if it's too late now?
Was it always like this, was it?
Was it something we missed, was it?
Somehow it doesn't feel right
Is it really all over?
Was it all it could be, was it?
Did I give you the best of me?

[chorus]x2 till end

leave my mind

2005-06-15T03:26:00.000-07:00

Now I really cannot see,
If you were good for me at all
I wanna say, that everything’s fine,
But it’s not… but it’s not
All the times you made me stay,
I see it all so clear today
And I wish I could Turn back time… turn back time
If I had a choice
I’d leave all behind
If I had a choice
I’d make you leave my mind
Leave my mind
The things you had me do
Everytime you knew I would
I wanna say, that I was aware
But I can’t… but I can’t
All you tried to take away
I see it all so clear today
And I feel like a fool
I let myself down… let myself down
And you begged me to trust you
I wish I never did
And you begged me to trust you
I wish I never did
If I had a choice I’d leave all behind
If I had a choice I’d make you leave my mind
Leave my mind

hakuna matata

2005-06-14T00:11:00.000-07:00

ok well i promise never to lie anymore so finish all the work beforehand....and also i promise to give a piggyback ride to the sweet tooth fairy. gosh its a long road today and sneak will find out about the hawaiian trip and well.....who the toot cares about sneaks emotions. i sure don't lar....anyways...i love the world i live on and i love GOD.....and i need to ask Him a favour....please i know you are listening.....i need help to enjoy myself tonight and still have time to finish my work....i have a lot of work to do so please help me please help me....please help me......ok? please.......

Sweets

2005-05-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

there was a sweet it was a hard-boiled sweet
the shopkeeper wrapped it up
in a nice plastic colourful wrapper
the shopkeeper put the sweet on display
a child passed by and wanted the colours
the colourful wrapper was all she could think about
night and day the colourful wrapper
nobody bought the sweet and it grew bitter
moss grew around it and it turned sour
the plastic wrapper clung, shrivelling wilting into the sweet
the colour fades off...
the girl became a lady and that lady passed by that same shop
she remembered the sweet she wanted so much
the shop was abandoned, no one inside
a sign at the door stated it was for sale
in the midst of the thick dust in the display stand
she spotted a lightly colured plastic
she saw the same streaks and patterns she dreamt about
smashing the glass with a pebble
the lady retrieved the sweet
once proud and once shiny....now almost dead
but the lady took the sweet and kept it within a dainty pouch
in rememberance of her life.

Get Over It

2005-05-17T03:27:00.000-07:00

hanya memuji....hanya hendak dipuji.....hanya membawa harapan dengan tanganku yang luka ini...saya hanya hendak mata kamu melihat saya.....melihat satu kali pun boleh....

You told me on the day that you left me to take real good care of myself.
But it's so hard to do if I can't have you here to hold me when I want nobody else
When Am I Gonna Get Over You
And stop living in the past?
When Am I Gonna Get Over You?
I hope this pain won't last.....
Soon you'll wake me and you'll say I've been dreaming
I'll just have to wait til then.
Until my time here is done then I'll be with you again.
Someday, I may love again but you'll be with me even then.
When Am I Gonna Get Over You....
And stop living in the past?
When Am I Gonna Get Over You?
.You told me on the day that you left me.....that's exactly what i'm forced to do.

Don't tell me...

2005-05-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know,

Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed,

That I am chosen for this task, apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to suffer, don't tell me how to cry.

My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see,

But I need you, I need your love, unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say,

"My friend, I really do care."

to everyone that has been there for me....i love you but please don't tell me...

Ding Dong

2005-05-03T04:34:00.000-07:00

vicky is going down down down!!! ok that's it.....vicky is an arse....vicky is a jerk and most importantly vicky has dongs the size of peanuts and and he just loves having chocolate ice-cream for breakfast and his own made peanut dongs for lunch and for dinner he has his BEstesT BESt BuddieS dongs which in fact are made of dark chocolate......and this 'BUDDY' of his is the king of sneaks...a manipulative Arsehole and a Bigger Jerk head than vicky will ever be(he really has a bigger head).....ok never hated anybodies sooooo much in my LIFE!!!! oh wait yar.....then tttttt......will go and have dinner with vicky....and they have wild passionate....fights together you know like the hens....fighting for each others dongs and the arsehole's dongs and they start eating after that...the dongs...hehehhehehe!! ok i'm getting sick now.....we shall bestow upon these three people the bastards of the world titles.....i think it will suit them...or.......the three bastard-teers....the three bastard-peers!!! hehehhehee!!! funny lar.....okay

P.s. then in the next morning the three Bastard-peers have breakfast biting and eating each others dongs....sickos....read on....

dongs are in fact cookies!!! peanut butter cookies and dark chocolate cookies!!! but i did mean the other parts....hehhehehe!!! and also for the people who are a bit blur Bastard-peers are in exchange for musketeers, y'know the three musketeers??

~vicky is going down,down,down~ ( this has such a sweetness to it...)

Ying Yang Tree

2005-05-03T04:12:00.000-07:00

did you know that when a girl falls in love she becomes more like a man and that a man whom is in love will become more feminine? i didn't but it sure makes sense....and well something doesn't make any sense whatsoever but who am i to judge? and why should i judge? better things to do with life....you know i decided that life isn't about worrying about people's problems and dwelling on my own but i should be moving on with MY LIFE!! and if the person is a whiner(me) then layan lar...i mean since i'm a whiner i'd like them friends to layan me so i can layan them too!! when they whine that is....and family matters. lastly but most importantly family matters....not that friends don't matter cause they do.....but family matters too! and i realise that they rule my life....not movies Khat....so don't say anything bout me....and they don't rule my life honey, they influence how i think but my major influence is the Quran now.....kindda scary really when you read the stories...end of the world and stuff like that. I really gotta let go and move on...i forgot half the signs of the day of judgement when i used to have them remembered.....that's really depressing man!! Neways i just wanna say i feel much more feminine now.....hehhehee!! and that i feel like my soul is cut in half.....weird you must say like the ying and the yang.....or two kittens fighting for survival against a baby lion.....why is the lion stronger? can the two kittens overcome the lion? well let me wait and see........the ying yang tree....

Sleuthing

2005-04-28T03:28:00.000-07:00

i love the world and i love the trees and i love binoculars......basically i love the earth and of course my super super sleuthing skills.....gosh girls anyone with a crush come to Noura and she will see the details right where they belong!! ok ok!! rocking hard now!!! i love what i did!! and i love you my Creator!! i love this place!!! omigawd!! anyone who needs to research on their worst enemy go to vigneshwaran.com hehehehehehe!! his dad is a defence lawyer....he'll help you!! ok then people have a great life cause im enjoying mine and......well......i rock!!! hehhehee!! j/k!! i absolutely rock!! hehehehhehe!! now i'm NOT joking!!! hehhehehee!! ok enough hehehheheheehehe to last me a lifetime man!! ok noura signing off!! Noura Talib......aka......the super woman with great instinct power and i decided to open a very big secret today....a VERY BIG SECRET!!! ok wait and see how the person takes it......and this one isn't about me!! hehehehe!!! feeling so good.... i knew i would....i been taking care of myself like i should......ok maybe not entirely truthful there....ok enough said tatata!!!
vicky is going down down down~ my new mantra!!

Loose

2005-04-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

You don't own me,
I'm not just one of your many toys.....
Don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And when I go out with you,
Don't put me on display,
Don't try to change me in anyway
Don't drag me down cause I'll never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself,
Thats all I ask of you.
I'm young
And I love to be young
I'm free
And I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I feel........
I'm my own woman
And I love to be free
I'm living my life
And I love to be me
So my past now finally
I open the window and gain dignity.
Throw you out and into the bin
Make you rot, a part of my past
You are a closed chapter, never meant to last......
Because you don't own me....and never will.

Joy+Luck

2005-04-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

It was once said...'its not that we had no heart or eyes for pain......we were all afraid, we had our miseries but to despair is to wish back for something already lost or to prolong what was already unbearable'
How much can you wish for a babrbie doll house tht got lost in the cargo when you moved houses from singapore to perth? What was worse to sit and wait for death with proper somber faces or to choose our own happiness? A white feather in the midst of darkness....a vase of purple flowers in a grey room....respect, tenderness and honesty that is all i seek....if he did not give it to me then i will leave never returning until he offers it to me with both arms open.
I guess i was brought up with the fact that my heart rules my brain.....desire nothing,swallow other's misery and eat your own happiness.......believe that his love is worth more than mine and then i am unappreciated....gets frustrated....doesn't help when there are snaky, sly friends about.....bitter about their own dispassionate lives and miserable because of the way they should be feeling.....like dark bitter chocolate.....with white sweet chocolate....
I aspire to be like June......strong when others think they are weak, constant belitlling from society.....but nothing can break her, nothing can harm her...that is because she doe not allow it to....and i won't allow it to. i won't allow anything to harm me....nothing except my family.

~Never expect, only hope~

Almost

2005-04-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I, didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no-doubt-be-there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you build me up
You only let me down
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't

I can't keep on lovin', baby
I can't keep on tryin'
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, babe
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convinced me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll se ya around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

Brandy..

Over

2005-04-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Now i don't know who i am
He made it easy, made it free
Made me hurt till i couldn't see
Sometimes it stops sometimes it flows
But baby girl, that is how love goes...
It's a secret that no one tells
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell
And it's no fairy tale, take it from me
That's the way it's supposed to be
You laugh, i cry, no one knows why
But oh the thrill of it all
You're on the ride,you might as well open your eyes
If your love could be caged, honey, I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt and those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
the tears and the sadness you gave me when you said goodbye
boy walk on by
make believe that you don't see the tears honey
let me grieve in private cuz each time I see you I just break down and cry
just walk on by

Woke up today thinking of you
Another night that I made my way through so many dreams still left in my mind
But they can never come true
I press rewind and remember when,
I close my eyes and I’m with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain....every time I hear your name
There’s just one heart, where there once was two
But that’s the way it’s gotta be,
‘til I get over you...
Walked through extreme park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
They say that time will dry the tears
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here
When will this river of tears stop falling
Where can I run so I won’t feel alone
Can’t walk away when the pain keeps calling
I’ve just gotta take it from here on my own
But it’s so hard to let go......
Cause there's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
And i dream that you sing to me over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And i hear you sing to me the song of the stars
of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again....
So I lay my head back down
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up and I give up
I just want to tell you so you know.....
You are my only one
Made my mistakes,i let you down
Might be a mistake
A mistake I’ve made
But what you gave I was happy to be taking
Cause no one’s ever made me feel
The way I feel when I’m in your arms
They say you’re something I should've done without
They don’t know what goes on
There’s no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you isn’t really something I should do
Shouldn’t wanna spend my time with you
That I should try to be strong
But you’re the right kind of wrong
I should've ran but I just couldn't seem to...

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me....
but the memories....
You and me...
I really feel I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe...
This could be the end
you're letting go and it's real
Well I don't want to know
don't speak,I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining don't tell me because it hurts
don't speak,I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories...
They are inviting but...
Now as we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry
And i remember that I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be alone with you
Guess you never felt that way....

I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again
We both couldn't right?
because for you.....

This love had taken it’s toll on you
I said goodbye too many times before
and my heart is breaking in front of you
But you have no choice cause you won’t say goodbye anymore

You tried your best to feed my appetite
So hard to keep me satisfied....
I kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again.....
this is exactly what you thought right?
but i never felt that way....no i was in love

The first flush of love was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
Because you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I...

But baby now I'm believing that...

Love is only a feeling....drifting away
When I was in your arms I start believing it's here to stay
But love is only a feeling anyway....
But baby....love is only a feeling...anyway

i used to feel that...there's not much going on today.
I'm really bored, it's getting late.
Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
You weren't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
You wouldn't even open up the door.
You never made me feel like I was special.
You wasn't really what I'm looking for.

I think it's time for me to bail.
This point of view is getting stale...

You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be
It's nice to know you were there,
thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

But now i'm taking back my life...
I'm so moving on,
thanks to you now I get what I want
Since you been gone....

You're entitled to your opinion
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to face it willingly
Cause I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
Now i'm feeling so wrong.
Did you see me walking by, did it ever make you cry?
You're my favorite mistake
You are beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster....

I should have known that you brought nothing real
I aint got no more tears to cry and i cant take this no more
no i gotta let it go and you know..you....
set me free
and let me out of that misery,you show'd me the way
to get my life again cause you can't keep up
cant you see?
baby thanks for setting me free.....
how many times have i tried to turn our love around
but every time you just let me down
could you cry just a little for me
Could you cry just a little for me?
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...

I'm better off that way...
I'm better off alone anyway...

You and me
I can see us dying ..are we?

Prisoner

2005-03-15T22:55:00.000-08:00

The prison that contained my heart,finally broke its bounds.
My heart would not be broken,
I would not allow it to
For my love for him has changed, its beginning anew.
The misery and despair of the past left my emotional state.
Now my love will have responsibilities and time limits whenever I date.
The time has come for me, to take things into my hands and not leave it to fate
Men will be men they'll never appreciate.
For all the things you do, they'll still love more towards their best girl mate.
Destiny decided I needed to feel, the agony of my lover loving another.
Decided that I didn't... deserve someone better
For I know that if I love again it won't be the same,
I'll have changed,won't be so trusting.
But he'll always love her more...and me less.
why on earth then,did he confess?
I will like him... not love him any longer
It will definitely grant me... less pain and bother.

THE SHADOW

2005-03-14T22:23:00.000-08:00

the dark hallways with glints of sunlight
the sun's shining rays casts a path
bodies moving in one direction
stale, sterile and depression.
skirts willowing in the windy breeze
hair flying like the birds
piling thoughts and recalling names
routine, a ritual and very mundane.
as a shadow i will take my flight
amongst them like a butterfly through the branches
as a shadow i will flutter amongst the leaves
as a shadow i fell in love with light
something forbidden even to my sight
as a shadow i remain forgotten in memory
i remain being lost alone
basking in my life when my love arrives and dark and subdued when my love leaves....
a shadow that knows its love would never be right
because shadows are interdicted to love light.

TruSTinG MariAH

2005-02-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

I don't want another pretender
To disillusion me one more time
Whispering words of forever
Playing with my mind
I want a lover who knows me
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
When I am lost
You shine a light for me and set me free
When I am low
you wash away my tears
And take me through
The loneliness
And emptiness
Through the darkest night
Somehow I survived
Through it all
When you tell me
I'm the only one you need
Sweet and tenderly
And your love
Breaks away the clouds surrounding me
All I have I want to give to thee
If I should fall
Your love is strong enough to lift me up
If I'm afraid
You chase away my fears and take me to a brighter place
Beyond the rain and I feel alright
Because you're by my side
Through it all
I was afraid
It was all a masquerade
That I was only a plaything and you would leave me behind
But now I feel so secure by your side
Now that I know that you want me for me
I can be what you want i can be what you need
Now that I know that your love is for real
I can finally see this is not make believe anymore

ModerN AgE

2005-01-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

You know its true what they say
This age is the time to experiment new mixtures and cross new boundaries.
This age is the time to wreak havoc on everyone and question your values
This age is to fall in love and sacrifice
To murder faith and rebel on rules
This age is to look at night and see plain darkness
And to revel in the glory of never ending confusion
This age is the age to discover, explore and walk in fields of gold
This age is when your beliefs are on auction...at the end they are sold.
This is the age to experience for oneself the trials and tribulations of reality
This is the age...to search for meaning and to try to find...me.
to understand faith and to collect upon squandering poverty
to try to find completion but never really becoming whole
to cry when tears won't wipe themselves away
to sing and laugh, to run around and play
this is the age where good things have to be let loose
and where some just will never start....
this is the time where all your actions influence your future
and your memories remain in the past...
to meet new people who interests you but never get attention back
to look into the mirror and cry...questioning all the while
this is the time to laugh a million times...
cry two million times....
and open your eyes to realisation...for the first time.

tommorrow

2005-01-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

tommorrow is a new day
fresh as dew, clean as may
once the sadness passes over me
i know i'll be able to see

time changes everything, surrounding turn to stone
Nature and everything green want to be left alone
but cars they will make, and buildings they will form
and life here will continue move on

a bell just rung, the maids are moving
the stopwatch has paused the bells are ringing
alarm has struck and panic is reigning
whenever it rains it'll continue pouring

suddenly it stopped all things stop moving
my room was still, the atoms as well
for there is silence before and after a storm....

i went through the thunder, fought through the war
but in the end i didn't get what i was fighting for

tommorrow will be a new day
and the film and pictures will play
life, i will keep on riding its saddle
but i won't be waiting drenched in my puddle
For Reality pulled me from it
and i am learning to live independently for me.....

tommorrow will be a fresh new day
why tonight, i see the new buds of may?